Talk:Andrew B. Turnbull/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Sportsfan77777 (talk · contribs) 22:29, 7 April 2019 (UTC)

Let's do this! Sportsfan77777 (talk) 22:29, 7 April 2019 (UTC)

Lead

• Like last time, I would just link "Green Bay Football Corporation" to "Green Bay Packers, Inc." and get rid of what is in the parentheses.
• I would start a second paragraph at "During the early years of the Green Bay Packers"

Early life

• sustained during a railroad accident ===>>> sustained in a railroad accident

Newspaper career

• He moved to Green Bay, Wisconsin from Saginaw, Michigan ===>>> He moved from Saginaw to Green Bay, Wisconsin (And maybe mention Michigan in the Saginaw Daily News sentence in the previous paragraph)

Green Bay Packers

• was acquainted with its two founders, Curly Lambeau and George Whitney Calhoun (Calhoun worked as an editor for the Press-Gazette). ===>>> was acquainted with its two founders, Curly Lambeau and George Whitney Calhoun because Calhoun worked as an editor for the Press-Gazette. (Get rid of the parentheses.)
• His newspaper has also been recognized as an essential part of the early development of the team. ===>>> His newspaper has also been recognized for playing an essential role in the early development of the team. (Active voice; also the newspaper isn't a part of the team.)
• on Thanksgiving, however 12 straight hours of rain threatened to cancel it. ===>>> on Thanksgiving; however, twelve straight hours of rain threatened to cancel it.
• would have still had to pay the Duluth team ===>>> would have still needed to pay the Duluth team
• even though they lost a significant amount of money on it ===>>> even though they would lose a significant amount of money
• Turnbull did just that, ===>>> Turnbull fulfilled his promise,

Personal life

• The former Ms. Boyle died on August 9, 1944. ===>>> Boyle died on August 9, 1944.

Legacy

• Turnbull was a well-respected newspaper executive and is credited with establishing two successful newspapers that are still in distribution as of 2018. ===>>> Turnbull was well-respected as a newspaper executive for establishing the Green Bay Press-Gazette and the Appleton Post-Crescent, two successful newspapers that are still in distribution as of 2018.

Overall

• If a sentence starts with "In 19XX" or "From 19XX to 19XX", there should be a comma: "In 19XX,". At the moment, some of these have commas, but others do not.
• All of the links work.
• Image seems fine.
• No dab links.
• No bare refs.
• The plagiarism detector isn't working right now, but I don't suspect any issues.

All of the comments are minor. Placing on hold. Sportsfan77777 (talk) 22:29, 7 April 2019 (UTC)

Thanks Sportsfan77777, I believe I have addressed all of your comments. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 16:33, 8 April 2019 (UTC)

Passed! Sportsfan77777 (talk) 18:43, 8 April 2019 (UTC)