Talk:Amou Haji/GA1

GA Review

Unsuccessful. :3 F4U (they /it) 02:35, 6 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Freedom4U (talk · contribs) 02:35, 6 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

I'm failing this GA nomination under criteria one of WP:GAFAIL. Here are some of the issues I've found that would need to be addressed before a renomination:

The article is poorly organized with unrelated sentences smashed together into paragraphs; many of the sentences also suffer from redundancy.
There are a number of examples of prose that are neither clear nor concise:
- Once, "a few young men" attempted to forcefully give him a shower, but he managed to escape. - This and the below sentence also have unnecessary quotation marks.
- His skin was covered with "soot and pus" as a result of his refusal to bathe.
- Since he feared that soap and water might cause disease, he did not bathe for over 60 years from c. 1957–62 until shortly before his death in 2022. - This sentence can be condensed and made clearer.
It was claimed that he had become a hermit due to "emotional setbacks" after a heartbreak. - Weasel word. Who?
He claimed that these attempts to care for him made him sad. The word "claimed" seems inappropriate and casts undue doubt on his statement
Author Claudia Hammond described Haji as having a "face and beard caked in mustard-brown earth" and that he "blends in" to the "barren landscape of southern Iran" and that, when he sits still, he "resembles a rock". Unnecessary over-quotation.
See WP:INTOTHEWOULDS. This article uses the word "would" where it is is inappropriate.

In addition to these concerns, I have serious doubts that this article meets the "broad in its coverage" standard required of Good Articles. I see the article mentions the documentary The Strange Life of Amou Haji, I would suggest taking a look at it and potentially incorporating it into the article. As it stands, the article does not provide enough information about Haji. :3 F4U (they /it) 02:35, 6 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.