Talk:American Pharoah/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 19:07, 29 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

"After running poorly in his track debut, he recorded" would reinforce the name, i.e. "After running poorly in his track debut, American Pharoah recorded"
"his strong wins" what made them strong? And are you just referring to the two wins in the previous sentence or others that he might have won?
- Rewrote the above. Better? Montanabw^(talk) 20:06, 31 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  - Better, is there a word missing here: "In his two-year-old year, he "? The Rambling Man (talk) 07:56, 1 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
    - - Rephrased to "As a two-year-old, he..." Better? Montanabw ^(talk) 22:14, 1 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Throughout, we have "Pioneerof The Nile" but our article doesn't capitalise the "The". Normally redirects are okay, but I tend to get a bit sniffy about them if they're incorrectly spelt out formal names...
- Correct spelling per Equibase is lower case "the" so fixed that to be consistent throughout. Montanabw ^(talk) 20:06, 31 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Slightly confusing that Ashford Stud redirects to Coolmore Stud and in that same sentence Coolmore Stud is linked as well. In fact, in the Coolmore Stud article, Ashford Stud is linked and therefore links to itself. Perhaps a new section of the Coolmore Stud article could deal with the branches of the Coolmore Stud in more detail and the first link here to be to that subsection rather than just the main article itself.
- I unlinked Coolmore, it mentions Ashford in the lead of that article. I would agree that Coolmore could be improved, but not sure if that is something we need to do here to get this article to GA?? Montanabw^(talk) 20:06, 31 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  - Not at all, but I tend to tweak things I link to if it's an easy win. The Rambling Man (talk) 07:56, 1 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Probably worth reinforcing that the $ in this article refers to the US $.
- Fixed in infobox. How do you recommend fixing it elsewhere? Montanabw^(talk) 20:06, 31 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  - That should suffice. The Rambling Man (talk) 07:56, 1 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"(Zayat similarly "bought in" Pioneerof the Nile, American Pharoah's sire, for $290,000 in a 2007 yearling auction.[15])" instead of this rather awkwardly crowbarred parenthetical note mid-prose, I would make it a real actual note.
- I agree. Fixed. Montanabw ^(talk) 20:06, 31 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"may have done the deed" doesn't read encyclopedically to me particularly.
- Yeah, but it's funny... ;-) OK, reworded. Better? Montanabw ^(talk) 20:06, 31 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"him—That" capital T?
- Fixed. Montanabw ^(talk) 20:06, 31 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
" the New York Times" -> "The New York Times", check the 2015 Belmont Stakes section too.
- Meh, I hate that... which way do you want it? I shall make all consistent. Montanabw^(talk) 20:06, 31 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  - I prefer it The New York Times. The Rambling Man (talk) 07:56, 1 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
    - - FIXED Montanabw ^(talk) 22:14, 1 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"Blinkers" is a dab page.
- ~~Where? Only link I found we have "blinker hood" linked to Blinkers (horse tack) - I'm missing something?~~ Vesuvius Dogg got that one. Fixed. Montanabw ^(talk) 20:06, 31 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
You relink Espinoza but not Del Mar Futurity, is there a method or just an oversight?
- Both linked in lead. Unlinked Espinoza. Better? Montanabw^(talk) 20:06, 31 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  - Yes. The Rambling Man (talk) 07:56, 1 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Odds, I would expect them to use an en-dash rather than a hyphen per WP:DASH.
- Meh...Vesuvius Dogg fixed that using – did we miss any? Montanabw ^(talk) 20:06, 31 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Last two paragraphs of the 2014 section are single sentences, it would better to avoid this kind of thing.
- Tightened, clarified. Better? Montanabw ^(talk) 20:06, 31 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
" Breeders' Futurity Stakes" yet just "Wood Memorial" (i.e. without "Stakes"). Again, is there a method or is this just an inconsistency?
- Method, horse lingo - the Wood is colloquially alled the Wood or Wood Memorial, just like the Preakness is called the Preakness, not the Preakness Stakes. Montanabw^(talk) 20:21, 31 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  - I had thought as much. The Rambling Man (talk) 07:56, 1 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"creating worry amongst his connections" not sure I really like this turn of phrase. It might be useful to let our readers know that his behaviour led those who cared about his form to become worried, but I'm not sure this is the way...
- Reworded. Better? Montanabw^(talk) 20:21, 31 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  - Yep. The Rambling Man (talk) 07:56, 1 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Our article calls Blood-Horse The Blood-Horse, shouldn't we do the same?
- Looks like Vesuvius Dogg fixed that one. Better? Montanabw^(talk) 20:21, 31 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  - Yep. The Rambling Man (talk) 07:56, 1 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Image captions which are complete sentences need a period.
- Meh. Which ones? Montanabw^(talk) 20:21, 31 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  - "American Pharoah led throughout ..." is a complete sentence, the other captions are not. The Rambling Man (talk) 07:56, 1 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
    - FIXED. All better now?
General comment: should we not wait until the Belmont Stakes has been run this year, I imagine a win could substantially change the tone of the lead and some of the later career sections?
- California Chrome was GA a week before the Derby last year, we updated it substantially after to get it to FAC with ongoing races added during the process ... One reason I'm pushing for GAN now, frankly, is the stamp of approval is a bit of protection against trolls and people who like to crap up articles. I'll probably request RPP in a few days, already had to for Ahmed Zayat due to people who don't like the fellow... Montanabw ^(talk) 20:21, 31 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"with 4 wins in 10 starts" would prefer "with four wins in ten starts".
- Looks likt that got fixed
En-dashes needed in all those reference titles.
- Care to narrow that down? (Honestly, even after the cataract surgery, my eyes can't really distinguish a hyphen from an endash...) Montanabw^(talk) 20:21, 31 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  - Fixed for you. I use a script, it makes life easier! The Rambling Man (talk) 07:56, 1 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
And I always prefer to avoid the SHOUTING in some refs.
- I don't see all caps - but if you can pinpoint the problem ones, I'll fix. Montanabw^(talk) 20:21, 31 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  - Do you mean the DIGITAL PHOTOGRAPH currently linked in footnote #4? For some reason, "format=Digital Photograph" turns to all caps when translated into a footnote. — Vesuvius Dogg (talk) 23:06, 31 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
    - - Yep, that is just...weird. I guess we toss "format" then. Montanabw ^(talk) 03:56, 1 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Enough for now, I'll put the article on hold, but I do have a niggling concern over what the impact of a win in the Belmont Stakes might have on this article... The Rambling Man (talk) 12:15, 31 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks TRM. I understand that the Belmont will have to be added in a week, one way or the other, but I don't think we will do anything to destroy GA quality if you approve it before then. (Also, yeah, we're kind of after a Million award... heh) Montanabw ^(talk) 20:21, 31 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I just want a pony! —Vesuvius Dogg (talk) 23:06, 31 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I can do that! Montanabw ^(talk) 03:56, 1 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I've responded to some of the questions in line above, much closer. Minor query, in note j, is "6 x 5 " a multiplication sign or an x? It should be the former... The Rambling Man (talk) 07:56, 1 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Fixed. —Vesuvius Dogg (talk) 15:11, 1 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@The Rambling Man:. Anything more we have to fix? Montanabw ^(talk) 22:14, 1 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

If you don't mind, I'll just wait until the results are in from tomorrow's race before promoting, there's not much more I can suggest that needs to be fixed right now, but I'd be happier to run it over one more time if/when the Triple Crown is secured. The Rambling Man (talk) 20:24, 5 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

That's fine, and given the timeline, appropriate. Once the Belmont is over, either way, it will be at least a month to 6 weeks before they run him again plenty of time to get the GAN done and the article , um, stable... (ooooh! Horse Pun!)

Im hearing the results are confirmed but yes, the official race results are worth a wait. Horray for another triple crown! - Knowledgekid87 (talk) 23:13, 6 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

We need to add a race summary with a RS and such. Montanabw ^(talk) 01:03, 7 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Montanabw: here it is [1]. - Knowledgekid87 (talk) 01:20, 7 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

some talk page stuff got put here, I'm moving it to talk. Montanabw ^(talk) 07:45, 7 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

OK, I made a few changes, I noticed that there are a few online references which don't have accessdates so could you address that please? The Rambling Man (talk) 12:35, 7 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Good to go. —Vesuvius Dogg (talk) 13:51, 7 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Good work folks, happy now and promoting to GA. The Rambling Man (talk) 18:34, 7 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]