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Talk:All Mine (Kanye West song)/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: BeatlesLedTV (talk · contribs) 18:19, 15 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]


Lead and infobox

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  • Think you should YouTube link the lyric video in the infobox? Like the case in the "Black Skinhead" infobox?  Not done There is no template for adding lyric videos
  • "was handled by Kanye West," → "was primarily handled by Kanye West, as well as..."  Done
  • Lines → lyrics  Done
  • "top performing cut" – you can just say 'song'  Done
  • You'll be fine just saying "numerous countries" instead of listing every single country it charted in  Done and added top 20 information
You don't need the 'top 20', especially since you say "numerous" and not the total amount. "Numerous" is just fine – BeatlesLedTV (talk) 22:00, 15 April 2019 (UTC)  Done[reply]
  • Put (2018) after Ye  Done

Background and composition

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  • "Ty Dolla Sign also has vocals on Ye tracks" → "Ty Dolla Sign contributed vocals on other Ye tracks"  Done
  • Link auto-tune  Done
  • The sentence starting with "though..." I'm confused on. People believed it was Jeremih not Clemons? And mistook who for Valee? Francis?
    Made more specific, look good?
  • "West first worked with Francis and the Lights on the" → "The two subsequently collaborated on the" – say "alongside Bon Iver" at the end (remove 'alongside West')  Done
  • "on the tracks" → "on Ye tracks" (remove 'from Ye' at the end)  Done
  • I had always wondered who sang the chorus. Now I know!
  • Just say "Clemons" at the start of the sentence after "ad-libs" (don't have to say full names every time)  Done
  • "song, and he responds to critics too." → "as well as responding to critics."  Done

Writing and production

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  • What do you think of adding an image of Francis Starlite in this section?  Done
  • 'Daniels".' → comma outside quotes  Done
  • This sentence "A screenshot..." reads weird
    Fixed, look good?
  • "The track relies on a simplistic drum-led style for its production" → "The track's production relies on a simplistic drum-led style"; think you can separate the rest of the sentence or use something other than "and"  Done

Release and promotion

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  • Say "second single" instead of "next single"  Done
  • "following on from" → after  Done
  • Use semicolon instead of 'and' after "Yikes"  Done
  • "the first single" → "Yikes"  Done
  • "At the time of West's decision" → wait, was it West's choice himself or did Def Jam/GOOD Music pressure him into picking it? Also, when you mean "at the time", do you mean the week of July 20 (or end of July)?
    Made more specific, look good?
  • "Kids See Ghosts, and" → "Kids See Ghosts; West's last released music video..."  Done

Critical reception

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  • It says West's lyrics received praise. But what about "let me hit it raw like fuck the outcome/Ay, none of us would be here without cum." Critics praised that? That's definitely one of West's more "questionable" lyrics, along with the bleached asshole line from "Father Stretch My Hands", you know one that many of his fans joke about whether it's good or not.
  • Erased lyrics from what was "praised"
  • Any more reviews? Section seems kind of short.  Done
  • Have all punctuation inside quotes (except songs)  Done
  • Before "it was branded", say "However, not all reviews were positive."  Done
  • "West's lines" → "West's lyrics"  Done

Controversy

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  • "West takes a shot at" → un-encyclopedic; i'd use the word "diss" in a way and link it to diss track. While "All Mine" is obviously not a pure diss track, such as "Ether" and "Hit 'Em Up", these lyrics are definitely aimed at Kardashian, so I think the word "diss" would work well here  Done
  • Entire first "paragraph" is only one long run-on sentence
    Fixed, look good?
  • Are West and Swift really "rivals"?
    Yes, there's even background on it in the section

Commercial performance

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  • "powered by its status of the most streamed song of the week" → reads weird in the sentence. Maybe "becoming (or became) the most streamed song of the week?  Done
  • "number 5" → "number five" (MOS:NUMS)  Done
  • "Sverigetopplistan]" – remove ]  Done
  • "number 75 on both of them" → "number 75 on both"  Done
  • "achieve the certification of Platinum in the US" → "achieve the certification in the US" (already stated that it's Platinum)  Done
  • "single since 2016 release "Champions"." → "single since the 2016 collaborative single "Champions"."  Done

Personnel

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  • Good

Charts

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  • Good

Certifications

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  • Good

Release history

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  • Good

Final thoughts

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BeatlesLedTV Yeah I've improved the lead now, expecting to know whether or not my sentence with "top 20" added after removing the countries works. --Kyle Peake (talk) 18:41, 15 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

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