The text of the entry was: Did you know ... that Alexis Bachelot, who led the first Catholic mission to Hawaii, was suspected of being a covert agent of the French government by some Hawaiian chiefs?
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Do not start paras with pronouns like "they". Start with nouns
Link seminary of Piepus
explain names with a short summary or relevance like "the King of Hawaii Kamehameha II". I have added summaries to some names. Please check. Please add for Hiram Bingham I, Patrick Short, Abraham Armand and other jargon like Ayuntamiento
"the departure of its priest" ? departure to some place (France for e.g.) or the archaic meaning as death???
Add info about transition of power in Hawaii. Unclear about the years of influence of Kamehameha II , Kaʻahumanu etc. Possibly add years.
"his leaders did not try to prevent him from doing so" his???? unclear
Add death date and place in the main text
I do not see the term "Prefect Apostolic of the Sandwich Islands" in main text (non-lead). Add it there. When did he become this?
2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.
2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).
Comment Thanks for starting the review, this has been a fun article to work on. Thinking about Hawaii is a good way to get through the winter :) I tried to remove the paragraph-beginning pronouns, let me know if you see any that I missed. I should have a decent amount of time to spend on this over the rest of the week, so detailed feedback on the article is more than welcome. Mark Arsten (talk) 19:40, 21 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
The sentence "King Kamehameha III agreed to allow the priests to stay in Honolulu until they could find a ship to transport them elsewhere, under the condition that they refrained from proselytizing" should end "under the condition that they refrain from proselytizing" which is proper use of the English subjunctive. (The verbrefrain in this case is not expressing a fact that happened, which would be the past tense, or the conditional, which would be expressed with would after if.) See specifically the use of the present subjunctive with conditions. μηδείς (talk) 17:56, 22 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]