Talk:Alexander White (Virginia politician)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Coemgenus (talk · contribs) 13:39, 15 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I'll start this review today or tomorrow. --Coemgenus (talk) 13:39, 15 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, no copyvios, spelling and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Comments

Images

Is there no free or fair-use image of White? It's fine if there isn't, but a pic is always nice in a biographical article.

Unfortunately, after searching high and low, I haven't yet been able to find a free or fair-use, or any, image of White. -- Caponer (talk) 23:38, 17 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

That's a shame, but that's the way it is sometimes. --Coemgenus (talk) 14:14, 18 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Early life and education

You mention that he's a member of the White political family: maybe flesh out a bit what his father did to establish the family in Virginia. Not a lot, just a sentence or so.

Done! I added two sentences on White's father, describing his background and his settlement in Virginia, where he was one of two physicians practicing in Frederick County, Virginia. Please let me know if this work, or if it requires more content. Great suggestion! -- Caponer (talk) 00:48, 19 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I don't know that you need to say "University of Edinburgh at Edinburgh". Colleges back then didn't really have multiple campuses, and the city is in the name.

Done! Removed "at Edinburgh." -- Caponer (talk) 23:38, 17 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

House of Burgesses

"White is reportedly the first man in what is now the United States to present a resolution..." It might read better if you say who is responsible for making that claim. Or, even better, if the claim is uncontroversial, leave out the "reportedly" altogether.

Done! I added "According to historians Hu Maxwell and Howard Llewellyn Swisher," to source the information, as Maxwell and Swisher are the only reference I have to support this claim. -- Caponer (talk) 00:52, 19 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

American Revolutionary War

"The prisoners appealed to White to assist them with their release[10][13][14] and paid him 100 Virginia pounds.[13][14]" In sentences like this, you can probably dispense with the cites in the middle of the sentence, especially since they're repeated at the end. I'd just render it: "The prisoners appealed to White to assist them with their release and paid him 100 Virginia pounds.[10][13][14]"

Done! I've fixed this and other instances of over-citing. -- Caponer (talk) 23:38, 17 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Virginia House of Delegates

"During the American constitutional debates and ratification, White was known in the press by the pseudonym of "An Independent Freeholder."" Do you mean he wrote letters to newspapers under that name in support of the Constitution, like Hamilton et al. did as "Publius"? If so, you should explain that a little better for readers who don't know that people did that back then.

I added two citations, added additional content/context to the mention of White's usage of "An Independent Freeholder" when writing pro-ratification essays and publishing them in the Winchester Virginia Gazette. Please let me know if this is what you had in mind. -- Caponer (talk) 02:36, 19 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

United States House of Representatives

"White served two terms as the inaugural member to represent Virginia's 1st congressional district in the United States House of Representatives during both the 1st United States Congress and the 2nd United States Congress (March 4, 1789 – March 3, 1793).[1][2][3][8][9][12][15]" This is not a controversial fact; I don't think it needs seven footnotes, does it?

It does not, so I've whittled it down to three. -- Caponer (talk) 00:56, 19 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"... the Funding Act became statute." "became law" is a more typical construction.

I concur--I've changed to "Funding Act became law." -- Caponer (talk) 00:53, 19 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Later life and death

"White also served as a commissioner on a board charged with adjusting matters relating to the Northwest Territory." Adjusting what, exactly?

I removed this sentence, as the Maxwell source is the only reference that names White as a commissioner on a board for the Northwest Territory. I assume that Maxwell was referring to White's service as a commissioner on the board for the City of Washington. -- Caponer (talk) 02:39, 19 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Personal life and family

Did he and his wife not have children?

White and his wife did not have children according to the Kelly and Cartmell references. I've changed the wording to reflect this fact more clearly. -- Caponer (talk) 23:40, 17 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Legacy

"White's descendant, Alexander White of Hardy County, West Virginia was named for him." Was this descendant notable in any way? If not, I'd argue against including the sentence. Lots of people have descendants named after them. Also, the word "descendant" is vague here: did White have children or not. If not, he has only collateral relatives, not true descendants.

Done! I concur, and I've removed mention of him in the article's prose. -- Caponer (talk) 23:42, 17 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

That's it for now. I'll wait for your answers before taking a second look. --Coemgenus (talk) 15:03, 16 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Coemgenus, thank you for taking the time to thoughtfully review this article. You've made some fantastic recommendations above, and have asked some good questions. I promise to begin cracking away at these ASAP, and will send you a message when they've all been completed. Thanks again! -- Caponer (talk) 23:38, 17 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Coemgenus, I've expanded the article's lead, and I made minor fixes throughout the prose. I've also addressed all your above comments and concerns. Please re-review and take another look at this article, and let me know if there are any other edits I can undertake to further improve and enhance this article. -- Caponer (talk) 02:41, 19 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Caponer, I made a few minor edits, but it otherwise looks good to go. Nice article! --Coemgenus (talk) 01:21, 20 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]