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Talk:Albert P. Halfhill/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

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Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 14:45, 6 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Taking this review for the GAN October 2020 Backlog Drive. MWright96 (talk) 14:45, 6 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:

Lead

[edit]
  • Mention Halfhill was American in the first sentence of the lead

Early life

[edit]
  • "and Lydia Halfhill (née Kingman)." - The Template:nee is better off being employed on the text highlighted in bold
  • "Halfhill had two brothers. He was educated in the public schools of Mercer and St. Mary's, Ohio." - consider merging these two sentences together

Career

[edit]
  • "He was a partner with August Decker for a few years in a dry goods business in St. Mary's." - how many years exactly?
  •  Done No sources say.
  • "He then moved to Van Wert, Ohio. There, in 1875, he purchased a grocery store that he operated with Lester Paterson." - considering merging these two sentences together
  •  Done
  • "like olive or cottonseed oil." - such as
  •  Done
  • "Albacore was unattractive and called the "hog of the sea"[1]" - a comma is missing between "sea" and the citation
  •  Done
  • "called the "hog of the sea" - called by whom?
  •  Done
  • "with a texture like chicken.[14][2][15]" - refs in numerical order please
  •  Done
  • " he sold 250 cases (packaged in three-quarter pound cans) of cooked" - cases packaged in 34 pound cans of cooked
  •  Done
  • "to a grocery store owner in Los Angeles named H. Jevne.[19] Jevne's employees and customers" - try not to start the beginning of the following sentence like this
  •  Done
  • "Halfhill used the tagline "chicken of the sea" to promote sales,[20][14][21]" - refs in numerical order please
  •  Done
  • "The product did not sell well at first," - for what reason?
  •  Done
  • "It became a successful seller in New York before doing so in California." - it was in California.
  •  Done
  • "for gathering tuna 200 miles out" - the convert template will need to be used on the text in bold
  •  Done

Later life

[edit]
  • "Halfhill is considered the father of the tuna-packing industry." - considered by whom?
  •  Done
  • "Captain Halfhill (an honorary title bestowed on him by his competitors) retired in 1922." - the text in bold doesn't need to be in parentheses
  •  Done
  • "His sons Charles and Harry took over the operations" - business
  •  Done
  • "which then sold about 200,000 cases of tuna," - subsequently
  •  Done
  • "Halfhill died at the age of 76 on May 7, 1924." - where did he die and what from?
  •  Done

Citations

[edit]
  • All mentions of newspapers.com should begin with a capital letter
  •  Done
  • The name of reference 4's work should be fully wikilinked
  •  Done
  • Reference 18's page number is B3 not 11
  •  Done
  • Reference 20 contains the error "Smith 2012, pp. 277ndash;28." which needs to be fixed
  •  Done
  • Reference 22 is missing the page number
  •  Done
  • Reference 23 is missing the access date
  •  Done

Will put the review on hold to allow the nominator to address or query the points raised above. MWright96 (talk) 17:05, 6 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@MWright96: All issues have been addressed. Can you take another look. Thanks. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:48, 7 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Doug Coldwell: Now promoting to GA class. MWright96 (talk)