Talk:Al-Mansur Abu Bakr/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Carbrera (talk · contribs) 01:02, 18 June 2016 (UTC)

Infobox

• Please remove the following unused infobox parameters, unless you can find information to put there that is verifiable and referenced:

• regent
• issue
• house–type
• residence

Lead

• Should the first 'a' in "al-Mansur Abu Bakr" be capitalized?
• "His father, Sultan an-Nasir Muhammad (r. 1310–41), groomed him as a potential successor to the throne and made him an emir in 1335." --> "His father, Sultan an-Nasir Muhammad (r. 1310–41), groomed him as a potential successor to the throne before making him an emir in 1335."
• "He was succeeded by his five year old half-brother, al-Ashraf Kujuk, but Qawsun was effectively the strongman of Egypt." --> "He was succeeded by his younger half-brother, al-Ashraf Kujuk, but Qawsun was effectively the strongman of Egypt."

Early life and career

Paragraph 1

• "Abu Bakr was born around 1321. His father was Sultan an-Nasir Muhammad (r. 1310–1341) and his mother was a concubine named Narjis.[1]" --> "Abu Bakr was born around 1321 to his Sultan father an-Nasir Muhammad (r. 1310–1341) and his concubine mother named Narjis.[1]"
• Rest is good :)

Paragraph 2

• ", led by Emir Qawsun," --> ", led by emir Qawsun,"
• "At around the same time, an-Nasir Muhammad arranged Abu Bakr's marriage to a daughter of Emir Tuquzdamur al-Hamawi, who married Narjis sometime earlier.[2]" (This statement needs to be reworded as I am confused over how Narijs used to be married to.)
• Provide a link to "dinar"s please

Paragraph 3

• Good!

Paragraph 4

• ", arriving on 24 January.[5]" --> ", arriving on the 24th.[5]" ...or... "once more in January 1341, arriving on 24 January.[5]" --> "once more in 1341, arriving on 24 January.[5]"
• Add "was" in between "The throne" and "peacefully passed to Abu Bakr when an-Nasir Muhammad died on 7 June.[6]" please

Reign

Paragraph 1

• Should "Sultan" be capitalized? It isn't in the lead...?

Paragraph 2

• Wait, I'm confused; according to the infobox, Al-Ashraf Kujuk is the new sultan??

Other notes

• Are there any photos available that could possibly be added to this article? I noticed that articles very similar to this bio have images.
• Add "Category:1321 births" to the list of categories below please

End of GA Review:

Not a bad article at all, I'm just a bit confused with some of how the "Reign" section is worded. Please contact me (@PING me) with any questions, comments, or concerns and I'll respond ASAP. Thanks, Carbrera (talk) 02:08, 18 June 2016 (UTC).

@Carbrera: Thanks for the detailed review. I've revised the article according to all your points except for the couple below:

As far as capitalization is concerned, the first "a" in "al-blank" is only capitalized when beginning a sentence or in a standalone situation such as in the infobox, per MoS-Arabic. As far capitalizing sultan and emir, this is only done when preceding the name of the person as in "Sultan an-Nasir Muhammad" or "Emir Qawsun". Otherwise, it would be lowercase, i.e. "An-Nasir Muhammad became sultan". It is the same with "president" or "prime minister".

As for the situation about Narjis, she was a concubine of an-Nasir Muhammad, but the latter later married her off to a senior Mamluk emir. Apparently, this was not a strange concept among the Mamluks and was done as a way to consolidate power relations in the sultanate. I will clarify this in the article shortly and update you when I do. Cheers! --Al Ameer (talk) 17:55, 18 June 2016 (UTC)

@Carbrera: I think I've now clarified the issue about Narjis' marriages in a footnote. Any other concerns? --Al Ameer (talk) 18:47, 20 June 2016 (UTC)

Nope! Thanks so much! Now passing! Carbrera (talk) 18:12, 21 June 2016 (UTC).