Talk:Al-Kunduri/GA2

GA Review

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Reviewer: PCN02WPS (talk · contribs) 06:00, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

Hi there, I'll be reviewing this article in the coming days. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 06:00, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

Overall

Good Article review progress box

Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV () 3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant () Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

Apologies for the delay in reviewing this, but I have left some comments below. Take your time in addressing them. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 07:55, 23 January 2022 (UTC)

HistoryofIran, all of your changes look good and I'm satisfied with your reasoning for leaving the things that you did. The references look good - I checked what sources I could (Bosworth 1968, Bosworth 2011, Özaydın, Peacock, and Tetley) and will AGF on the others, as they look to be reputable and reliable. I made one minor change to that section: rather than holding up the nomination just because of it, I went ahead and added a |language= parameter for the Özaydın source, which is the only non-English source I found that I could access. Google Translate told me that the language was Turkish, but if I'm wrong please correct me. All of that being said, I'm happy to give this a pass! Well done. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 16:55, 3 February 2022 (UTC)

Yup, it's Turkish. Thanks for that, and thanks for your review. --HistoryofIran (talk) 17:01, 3 February 2022 (UTC)

Lead/infobox

• If Al-Kunduri's exact birthday is not known, how is it possible to definitively say that he was 40 years old at the time of his death?

Removed it. --HistoryofIran (talk) 15:22, 27 January 2022 (UTC)

• "...a marriage between the latters daughter and Tughril." → who does "the latter" refer to?

The caliph. I've changed it, thoughts? --HistoryofIran (talk) 15:22, 27 January 2022 (UTC)

• "Alp Arslan, who ruled Khurasan that" → comma needed after "Khurasan"

Background

• "dehgan" is spelled in the lead of the target article with the "â" character; is this a meaningful change?

The dehqan article needs some adjustments. I don't think macrons should be used. --HistoryofIran (talk) 00:12, 25 January 2022 (UTC)

I'll defer to you on this one. Struck. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 01:23, 25 January 2022 (UTC)

Career

Under Tughril

• Broadly speaking, this subsection gets a bit sparsely cited at times, particularly in the third paragraph.
  • Third paragraph? You mean the bit where it starts with; "During the subsequent rebellion of Tughril's" --HistoryofIran (talk) 14:21, 29 January 2022 (UTC)
    • Yeah, that's the part I was looking at. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 21:50, 29 January 2022 (UTC)
      • Added more citations to it. --HistoryofIran (talk) 00:55, 3 February 2022 (UTC)
• "who could speak both fluent Arabic and Persian." → link Arabic and Persian language
• "July/August 1055" → expand to "July or August 1055"
• "...translating Arabic and Persian into Turkic for him." → link Turkic languages (is there any indication of which variety of Turkic it was? if so, note that) and remove space between full stop and citation
• remove space between full stop after "Iranian king Fereydun" and the citation
• "as well as the merchants, and the leading officials of Baghdad" → if the intended meaning of this sentence is "as well as the merchants of Baghdad and the leading officials of Baghdad", then I would remove the comma after "merchants". If that is not the intended meaning then that part of the sentence should be reworded.
  • Removed comma. --HistoryofIran (talk) 01:00, 3 February 2022 (UTC)
• "a clerk of Kunduri killed" → does not read clearly
• Again, "between the latter's daughter" doesn't work here as "latter" means the second of two stated items; since only al-Qa'im is mentioned in the sentence, the use of "latter" reads as being out of place.
• "between May–June 1061" → expand to "between May to June 1961"
• The target page Iqta' includes an apostrophe and is not italicized, so its mention in the article could potentially incorporate those changes
  • I added the apostrophe, but kept the italicized name, as that's how sources commonly spell it. That article needs a even heavier rewrite than dehqan. --HistoryofIran (talk) 00:56, 3 February 2022 (UTC)
• "between February–March 1062" → expand to "between February and March 1062"

Downfall and death

• "khutba" is spelled "khutbah" at the target article - is there a reason for this difference?

There are different ways to spell it. I'm not sure which is more WP:COMMON NAME - I've personally seen "khutba" more though. I just used the spelling used in the source. --HistoryofIran (talk) 01:53, 26 January 2022 (UTC)

Beliefs

I think it would help for this section to be expanded just a bit in order to give a touch more context; this section could be very difficult to comprehend for a reader who might be unfamiliar with the subject matter to comprehend.

Adjusted it a bit, thoughts? --HistoryofIran (talk) 00:59, 3 February 2022 (UTC)

Legacy and assessment

This section looks good to me.

Images

• File:Amid al-Mulk Kunduri Square2021 6.jpg – relevant to subject matter; valid license Y
• File:TughrilCoin.jpg – relevant to subject matter (tangentially, but it's close enough so as to not seem out of place); valid license Y
• File:Alp Arslan on throne Majma al-Tawarikh by Hafiz Abru.png – relevant to subject matter; valid license Y