Talk:Al-Hafiz/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Iazyges (talk · contribs) 19:05, 7 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

GA Criteria

GA Criteria:

Please note that all of these are suggestions, and can be implemented or ignored at your discretion.

~~The future al-Hafiz was born Abd al-Majid at Ascalon in 1074 or 1075 suggest The future al-Hafiz was born named Abd al-Majid at Ascalon in 1074 or 1075~~

He left only a six-month-old son, Abu'l-Qasim al-Tayyib, would specify that he left him in charge by way of nass, as lede seems to imply had been done.
- Hmmmm, al-Tayyib is an extremely shadowy figure, so I wouldn't go as far. The lede also says that he was "a possible successor", not the designated heir. Constantine ✍ 17:07, 18 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

~~The Fatimid elites were not prepared to accept these changes "were not prepared" seems a bit light considering they killed him for it. Suggest The Fatimid elites refused to accept these changes~~
and the first coins of his reign were struck with him still bearing the title of walī ʿahd al-muslimīn. suggest and he still bore the title of walī ʿahd al-muslimīn in the first coins of him struck of his reign.
- The emphasis is on his still having the title, which in the suggested change is somewhat de-emphasized IMO.

a former military slave of al-Afdal and thus representative of the same army factions that had raised Kutayfat to power IMO it is not so obvious to most viewers that a slave would share the opinion and faction of their former master. The Turkish system of Slavery, where slaves could actually achieve high status, is pretty foreign to at least the US; suggest a former military slave of al-Afdal and member of the same army factions that had raised Kutayfat to power.
- Good point, rephrased a bit.
~~and used the opportunity to enlist the support of the ashrāf families, should definitely explain what ashraf means given its importance.~~
suborned one of his officers to unassassinate him before he reached the country. wouldn't use suborned unless it's a direct quote; if it is, put quotes around it, otherwise I'd suggest bribed or influenced depending upon what reward was being offered.
once again taking up the mantle of champions of the jihād against the Crusader Kingdom of Jerusalem: use of once again made me wonder if I've forgotten some previous mention of the Fatimids fighting them; perhaps mention the previous rulers/times they have fought?
- Clarified.
~~as they placed the Fatimid garrison of Ascalon in a defensive position suggest as they forced the Fatimid garrison of Ascalon into a defensive position~~

he knifed it several times before departing. suggest he stabbed it several times before departing.
- Rephrased a bit more expansively.

Al-Hafiz had called upon Bahram, then provincial governor of Gharbiyya (the western Nile Delta), for aid against his son. suggest deleting this as it was mentioned shortly before, and moving the link up to the first mention of the name.

~~dismount when passing by a mosque, etc. suggest to dismount when passing by a mosque, and other restrictions.~~

but in the event the rebellion was ended when al-Hafiz bribed the Luwata chieftains to withdraw with money and promises of land grants in the Nile Delta. The pretender's severed head was sent to Cairo. suggest removing in the event
@Cplakidas: That is all my suggestions, passing now. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 21:46, 14 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Iazyges, sorry for the delay in answering. I will start addressing your concerns over the next couple of days :). Constantine ✍ 16:43, 18 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

In the event, I did it today. Thanks again for taking this on in the first place! Constantine ✍ 18:09, 18 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]