Talk:Ahmad ibn Ibrahim al-Naysaburi/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Amitchell125 (talk · contribs) 16:37, 9 November 2019 (UTC)

Happy to review the article. Amitchell125 (talk) 16:36, 9 November 2019 (UTC)

Assessment

Lead section

• He wrote a number of works, among which three are highly important for Fatimid and Isma'ili history - condense to 'Three of his works are highly important for Fatimid and Isma'ili history', which implies that he wrote a number of works.

• Changed, but not quite as suggested.

• I would also add to the lead section two other points: that very little is known about his life; and that his works are known from later Isma'ili literature.

Sources

• Add a link to Google Books for Lalani 2010 (this).
• Add a link for Klemm & Walker (this).
• Consider replacing the url for Daftari (2007) with this, the full text from the Internet Archive.

• OK on the Google Books link, but I think it is not allowed to post the others, as they are essentially copyright violations. Constantine ✍ 20:00, 20 November 2019 (UTC)

Understood ---Ami

Life

• Very little is known about his life… - replace his with a full name (in English).

• Done.

• ...experiencing an "intellectual renaissance". - are the quotation marks needed here? It looks imo as if they were spoken by someone (in which case the author should be included in the sentence), or that Nishapur was experiencing something that wasn't quite an intellectual renaissance, but approximated towards one.

• Quotation marks removed, it is not a quote and you are right, they are misleading.

• ... a presumably high-ranking position… - name Klemm and Walker and include the phrase as a quotation, as 'presumably' otherwise appears as an example of editorialising.

• Done.

• …, which ranged… - consider amending to something like 'writing about topics ranging from' to improve the prose.

• Done.

Writings

• ...have not survived in their entirety… - have any survived in part, as this statement could be read as meaning?

• Let me get back to you on this one.
• Done now, and partly adopted the suggestion for the three main works to be somehow highlighted.

• Link schism with Schism#Islam?

• An interesting suggestion, but the content of that section is rather irrelevant to the context here; I am afraid that it might confuse the average reader rather than help

Understood. ---Ami

• Unlink North Africa, as it doesn't add to the article.

• Indeed, but I wager good money many people don't know what North Africa is, and the link is helpful.

I would disagree that the link is useful, as I suspect the area covered by the article North Africa has little in common with where Ahmad ibn Ibrahim al-Naysaburi went on his travels. Is it possible to be more precise about where he went on his journey? Amitchell125 (talk) 07:57, 27 November 2019 (UTC)

The journey led from Fustat through Tripolitania, across southern Tunisia and Algeria, to Sijilmasa, so pretty much the whole width of North Africa, but the exact itinerary is somewhat out of scope here.

Understood. ---Ami

• Unlink Fatimid Caliphate (already linked further up).

• Done.

• Who is Michael Brett?

• Done.

• {{xt|The work has been edited and published by Wladimir Ivanow in Bulletin of the Faculty of Arts (University of Egypt, Vol. 4, Part 2, 1936), pp. 93–107, and an English translation has been provided by the same author in his Ismaili Tradition concerning the Rise of the Fatimids (London, Oxford University Press, 1942), pp. 157–183. The Arabic text is also published in Suhayl Zakkar's Akhbār al-Qarāmiṭa (2nd edition, Damascus, 1982), pp. 111–132.}} - I would put all this in a separate place, for instance in a Notes section.
• I would also place this in the Notes section:A facsimile edition was published in Verena Klemm, Die Mission des fatimidischen Agenten al-Mu’ayyad fi'ddin in Siraz (Frankfurt, Peter Lang, 1989), pp. 205–277,and a translated critical edition by Verena Klemm and Paul E. Walker as A Code of Conduct. A Treatise on the Etiquette of the Fatimid Ismaili Mission (London, 2011).
• And this as well: It was published by M. Ghalib, Beirut, 1984, and in a critical edition with an English translation by Arzina R. Lalani, in Degrees of Excellence: A Fatimid Treatise on Leadership in Islam. An Arabic Edition and English translation of Ahmad al-Naysaburi’s Kitab Ithbat al-Imama (London, I. B. Tauris in association with the Institute of Ismaili Studies, 2006)..

• I am unsure whether this is a good idea. The article deals as much with al-Naysaburi's works as with him as a historical person, and the editions are important when discussing a written work. Let me consider this a few days.

Happy for you to leave it as it is, considering your point made. ---Ami

• Although full treatment is given to his three main works, I would consider ensuring that 'among which three are highly important for Fatimid and Isma'ili history' in the lead section is also included in some form here.

• Not sure how. The content of the works should make clear their importance ("first public version of the Fatimid dynasty's official genealogy","an extremely important representation of the Fatimid vision of the imamate", etc).

Understood, having considered your point. ---Ami

• Should Ahmad ibn Ibrahim al-Naysaburi not be included in the Isma'ilism infobox? (this can be done if needed)

• Good point, done.

• Reference 23 (Brett) - words in quote marks not found. Do you know the exact page?

• It is in page 148

• Who is Ismail Poonawala?

• Done.

• ...pp. 1ff. - I would remove this, as it's not necessary.

• Done.

Thanks for the thorough review Amitchell125, will start dealing with your points ASAP. Constantine ✍ 20:00, 20 November 2019 (UTC)

Hi Amitchell125, I think I've dealt with the last of your points. Please have another look. Also, if you have any comments or suggestions beyond the requirements for GA, feel free to make them. Constantine ✍ 17:59, 27 November 2019 (UTC)

Passing

Thanks for your work, passing now. Amitchell125 (talk) 05:58, 28 November 2019 (UTC)