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Talk:Ah Boys to Men/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Gabriel Yuji (talk · contribs) 06:16, 22 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Lead
  • As it should "stand on its own as a concise version of the article" (MOS:INTRO) the lead should have no sources on it (WP:LEADCITE)
Done Citations removed and one sentence moved to the Themes section. --Hildanknight (talk) 05:55, 1 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Doing In the process of merging Ah Boys to Men 2 into this article. --Hildanknight (talk) 05:55, 1 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • I suggest you split from "In conjunction with..." onward into a new paragraph; it seems to me the first would summarize the infobox and plot, and the second summarize the production section
Not done as I moved the sentence out of the lead section. --Hildanknight (talk) 05:55, 1 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Clarification The "highest-grossing Singaporean film of all time" statement refers to films made in Singapore by Singaporeans. The article that you linked to above includes American blockbusters that earned more than Ah Boys to Men at the Singapore box office. --Hildanknight (talk) 11:27, 23 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Ah Boys to Men 2 is said to have grossed $6,366,469; it's more than S$6,300,000? Gabriel Yuji (talk) 02:03, 25 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Clarification What is wrong with giving a reasonable approximation? Most sources do so. The few that give such a precise number usually disagree on the exact figure. --Hildanknight (talk)
No, there's no problem. You misunderstood me (or I misunderstood you, I dunno). Hm... I asked because I thought Ah Boys to Men 2 exceeded Ah Boys to Men gross. Are ABM and ABM2 considered the same film? Or they grossed the same amount of box office? Gabriel Yuji (talk) 18:49, 26 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • You missed a lot of italics all over the article, starting with Ah Boys to Men, Ah Boys to Frogmen
Clarification The GA criteria only require adherence to five style guidelines. --Hildanknight (talk) 11:27, 23 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Well, you're right, but at least you should try to be consistent: Ah Boys to Men is italicized in the first sentence, but not in the second paragraph... and it's not that difficult Gabriel Yuji (talk) 02:03, 25 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for the clarification. The infobox refers to the first part. The second part earned over S$7 million. Merging is in progress. --Hildanknight (talk) 05:55, 1 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Plot
  • The link to esplanade is probably not the right one
Done The link should be to Esplanade, Singapore. --Hildanknight (talk) 11:27, 23 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • If "Sia-lan being a reference to a crude Hokkien slang term meaning extreme disgrace" is not explict in the film it's WP:OR; even if it's I don't think it's necessary (you can prove I'm wrong, though)
Done The subtitles mention it, but I realised that leaving it out would be better. --Hildanknight (talk) 11:27, 23 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "After a two weeks' worth of training" > "After two weeks of training" (?)
Done --Hildanknight (talk) 11:27, 23 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Determined to win her back" > "Determined to recover her love" (?)
Done --Hildanknight (talk) 11:27, 23 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Cast
  • Sometimes you use ":", sometimes you just use "-"; be consistent or (IMO) you should just use regular punctuation
Done --Hildanknight (talk)
  • It's on you to decide if all actors listed fit the WP:FILMCAST criteria, but apparently there's too much people
Done --Hildanknight (talk)
Themes
  • conscription doesn't need to be capitalized
Done --Hildanknight (talk) 11:27, 23 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "relatives" wouldn't be a better word instead of "kins"?
Done --Hildanknight (talk) 11:27, 23 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "pokes fun" > "ridicules" (?)
References
  • Film Business Asia isn't italicized sometimes (it happens with other sources), and it's not linked on the first time it appears on "References"; conversely it's linked twice in prose what is against WP:OVERLINK (check for other overlinks too)
  • The Straits Times is linked at source #5 instead of #3; all words should be linked when it first appears
  • Be aware of WP:ALLCAPS (e.g. #32, #61)
  • Doesn't stylize source names (e.g. xinmsn, TODAY)
  • Ref #95 is missing work/publisher
  • Check the sources' state

I'll read through "Production", "Release", "Marketing" and "Reception" as soon as can to finish the review. However, I can already say two "Home media" sections seems superfluous to me. And, as "Release" and "Marketing" are very short sections you may consider merge them into one as they are related. Gabriel Yuji (talk) 06:16, 22 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Production
Done --Hildanknight (talk) 08:43, 26 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • You can do the reader avoid to click on "MINDEF" if you use its complete meaning on its first occurrence
Done --Hildanknight (talk) 08:43, 26 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "With a budget of S$3 million, Ah Boys to Men is Singapore's most expensive film" Is it still true?
Clarification Yes. --Hildanknight (talk) 08:43, 26 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Crew" seems not to fit MOS:FILM
  • "The 'unpredictable' weather was a problem the crew encountered while filming at Tekong. 35 days were spent filming there" You may try a semicolon here
Done --Hildanknight (talk) 08:43, 26 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Maybe you could split "Filming" into two paragraphs
Done --Hildanknight (talk) 08:43, 26 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • You may decide if you want to title the last section "Music" or "Theme song"; a "subsubheader" is not needed
Done Preferred "Music". --Hildanknight (talk) 11:27, 23 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Release
  • "Discussions with film distributors in Hong Kong[69] and mainland China[70] are ongoing." Outdated?
  • "The cast and crew of Ah Boys to Men will be promoting and selling" Again.
Reception
  • It's fine except for the unnecessary subheader "Domestic"
Done --Hildanknight (talk) 11:27, 23 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]

With all my concerns exposed, now you have the standard seven days; I'll put it on hold. Gabriel Yuji (talk) 06:05, 23 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]

@Hildanknight: Hey, are you still working here? Gabriel Yuji (talk) 01:21, 1 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I'm failing it per this commentary. Gabriel Yuji (talk) 05:52, 4 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

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