Talk:Agnez Mo/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Crisco 1492 (talk · contribs) 12:03, 2 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I will be doing the review. For disclosure, I am a member of WikiProject Indonesia but have not been involved in the writing of this article (I don't think I've ever edited it). That aside, I have several of her CDs and can read Indonesian at a near-native level, so I should be able to check the references better than most reviewers. This review will probably take a couple days. Crisco 1492 (talk) 12:03, 2 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Checklist

Rate	Attribute	Review Comment
	1. Well-written:
	1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.	~~Needs a through proofreading before being checked. I'll ask at the Guild of copy editors~~ Looks good after a thorough copyedit.
	1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.	Good.
	2. Verifiable with no original research:
	2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.	~~See below~~ Fixed.
	2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).	Good
	2c. it contains no original research.	Good
	3. Broad in its coverage:
	3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.	~~See below~~ Fixed.
	3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).	Good
	4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.	~~See below~~ Fixed during copyedit.
	5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.	Stable within definition
	6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
	6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.	Fine
	6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.	Fine
	7. Overall assessment.	Pending

Comments

Before the review

This looks like it was translated from the featured article on Id-Wiki. As reference styles are different on En-Wiki, you may need to fix them up.

1a

I've requested a copyedit from the Guild. If no copyedit is forthcoming within 2 weeks I will try and do so myself. The grammar used cannot pass the GAC as-is.
Double check which names actually have articles. I've linked Melly Goeslaw and Dewiq already.
Standardize your wikilinking of countries. They generally don't need it, though.

2a

Reference formatting is

Irregular. Choose a format and stick with it.
Don't forget the language parameter for foreign-language sources, as well as the original language title and translated title. For example, FN2 should look something like this:

"Generasi Oksigen Petai Cina". Gatra (in Indonesian). 2002-08-21. Retrieved 2011-06-05. {{cite web}}: Unknown parameter |trans_title= ignored (|trans-title= suggested) (help)

Footnote 1 needs the work as well. Also, it's not at the URL anymore, may be dead. If you can, try and find another reference that supports it. The dead URLs are why I gave up on translating Krisdayanti after the lede.
Wikipedia is not a reliable source. I've started removing it where cited.

3a

What are her parents' names? We know they are athletes, we should easily be able to find the names of the parents. (Try TokohIndonesia.com, they usually have it).
When was Si Meong released?
Generally, for foreign singers I try to supply translations of the album titles. For example, Jurang Pemisah has a translation of the title to assist readers. Same thing goes for articles like Titiek Puspa and Bing Slamet. You may want to do it here. For example, Si Meong (The Cat). Same goes for the sinetron.
"Best Children's Album" -- As selected by whom?
IDEC is ...? DEA as in the American Drug Enforcement Administration, or...?

4

Careful with your adjectives. For example:

"Her role in the soap opera Pernikahan Dini rocketed her name in the showbiz industry."
"... at the tender age of six, ..."

Hold for at least two weeks. Please ensure that you try and address criteria 2a and 3a as soon as possible. Crisco 1492 (talk) 13:00, 2 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

My comments on the review
2a.

I have fixed the reference format and added the language parameter.

3a.

The name of her parents have been mentioned in the article. The information about her parents have also been added.
Translation of the song and film titles is a good addition, but I don't think it is necessary to get a good article status. Even a featured article on Celine Dion doesn't provide the translation for her French Albums :)
I couldn't find who selected her album as Best Children's Album. It's not mentioned in The Jakarta Post's article. I couldn't find any information about that either on the web. I'll try to search about it again later
DEA as in America's Drug Enforcement Administration. I have added the information and citation too for this.

4

I'm not sure whether it is due to variations of English, but my Longman Dictionary says that "at the tender age of something" is a correct English phrase. Anyway, since it has been changed, it doesn't matter anymore :)

Awriterwrites (talk) 10:37, 7 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"Tender age" is an acceptable phrasing in day-to-day writing, but is not encyclopedic. As I mentioned earlier, there are three dead links in the article. I have tagged them. I am also going to get rid of the DABs. Crisco 1492 (talk) 14:59, 7 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

ALso, when was Si Meong released? Crisco 1492 (talk) 15:03, 7 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your explanation about "Tender age".
Sorry, I forgot to mention that I have checked every link works while fixing the format. I have already removed those three links from the article and replaced them with new links.
The release date of "Si Meong" has been added.

Awriterwrites (talk) 02:00, 8 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, that explains why the dates weren't tagging. For Si Meong, the body of the text says 1994 but the discography says 1992. Which is correct? Crisco 1492 (talk) 02:54, 8 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Reference 58 needs more details (work, date)

Paraphrasing checks

1 Fine, only stuff that shows up is titles of awards and things which cannot easily be reworded.
2 -- More titles
Influences also shows no close paraphrasing.

That does it. Congratulations! Crisco 1492 (talk) 06:28, 8 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Wow, thank you. Btw, I have tried to search about the release date of Si Meong, but couldn't find a reliable source. Some websites say '1992', others say '1994'. But judging from when she started her career (at 6 years old), I conclude the right year is 1992 (since she was born in 1986). Awriterwrites (talk) 08:24, 8 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I notice that the article is still rated as C-Class in WikiProject Biography and WikiProject Indonesia. Can I change the rating to GA or should I go through other assessment procedure? Awriterwrites (talk) 09:08, 8 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Hmm, I thought that was automatic. We'll give the bot some time. If it doesn't do anything, I'll change it. Crisco 1492 (talk) 09:20, 8 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]