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Talk:Acadele/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 19:45, 7 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Lead and infobox
  • I have a suggestion for the following sentence (“Acadele” (Romanian: Lollipops) is a song recorded by Romanian singer Delia, digitally released on 5 November 2018 through Cat Music.). If you want to keep all of the information in a single sentence, which is doable, then I would add “and” after “Delia”. The current wording is somewhat awkward to him.
 Done
  • It may be more concise to revise the following sentence (It was written by the singer alongside Alex Cotoi, who also handled the production.) to this suggestion (Alex Cotoi produced the song and co-wrote it with Delia).
 Done
  • This sentence (Musically a trap song, "Acadele" marks a departure from Delia's previous pop works.) reads awkwardly to me. I would revise it to something like (“Acadele” is a trap song, which is a departure from Delia's previous pop works.).
 Done
  • For this part (In its candy-themed lyrics, she also discusses female empowerment,), “also” is not necessary.
 Done
  • The final sentence of the first paragraph is too long. I would cut into two short sentence. I would suggest making the information about the LGBT references and the Romanian constitution into its own sentence.
 Done
  • For this part (some stage props several kilograms of multiple sugar-based), there should be a comma after “props”.
 Done
  • For this part (such as M&M's and marshmallows), I would use “including” rather than “such as”.
 Done
  • For this part (In one scene Delia wears), there should be a comma after “scene”.
 Done
  • What is a “hanorak”? I have never heard of that before.
 Done It's actually "anorak" but I've fixed and linked it now :)
  • For this part (For further promotion of "Acadele", the singer performed it), I would cut (For further promotion of “Acadele”,) completely and just say “She performed “Acadele”. I think that using “She” rather than “The singer” would be preferable.
 Done
  • For this part (and for Romanian radio station Radio ZU.), add “the” in front of “Romanian”.
 Done
  • The infobox image requires ALT text.
 Done Sorry, forget about this every single time :)
  • I hate to repeat myself, but remember that audio samples require a strong reason for inclusion (i.e. they should illustrate something that cannot be conveyed through the prose alone). I would not recommend putting an audio sample in the infobox. Instead, it should be somewhere in the body of the article with a rationale. If you cannot find a strong reason for the sample's inclusion, then it is best to delete it altogether.
 Done I avoided putting it in the body due to WP:SANDWICH, but I removed it not altogether. It's isn't that important for the understanding of the article, indeed.
Background and composition
  • For this part (while production was solely handled by Cotoi), "solely" is not needed.
 Done
  • This sentence (It was made available for digital download on 5 November 2018 by Cat Music, lasting two minutes and 43 seconds) is not correctly written. This part "lasting two minutes and 43 seconds" is attached to "Cat Music" so it reds that "Cat Music" last two minutes and 43 seconds.
I just removed that; it isn't quite relevant now looking back.
  • For this part (Its lyrics contain several subtext and conntations,), "connotations" is misspelled and I would use "subtexts" rather than "subtext" as it should be in the plural form as well.
 Done
  • I have two comments about this part (it also discusses women's predisposition to diets and diet regimes). The "also" is unnecessary so you can remove it. Also, what is the difference between "diets" and "diet regimes"? They both seem to be the same thing to me. I would just simplify that to "diets".
 Done Agree 100%. Revised.
Music video and promotion
  • Provide ALT text for the image.
 Done Again, sorry :)
  • The image caption is rather long. I would try to simplify it somewhat. If you are only using the image to show the hanorak, then you could just cut the first sentence and revise the second one to (In the video, Delia wears a multicolored sequined hanorak which reads "Love sees no colour" as reference to the song's LGBT message.).
 Done
  • For this part (During the video, Delia performs choreography with fellow background dancers,), I would say "she" instead of using her name again, and I do not believe that "fellow" is necessary.
 Done
  • Again, what is a hanorak?
 Done Fixed as stated above.
  • This sentence (In another scene, she is shown residing in a pool created out of sugar filled with multicolored balls, among other activities.) reads awkwardly. What is meant by "among other activities"?
It's meant that she has several other cameos in the music video where she's doing different things, but it isn't that relevant I realized so I removed it :)
  • For this part (or Delia herself), I do not believe "herself" is necessary.
 Done
  • For this part (An editor of Spynews positively labelled Delia's appearance in the video and the dancing as "sexy",) I would use a different word than "labelled" as it reads awkwardly in this context. I would just replace "positively labelled" to "praised" to keep it simple.
 Done
  • This sentence ("Acadele" gave the name of Delia's concert tour Acadelia, which commenced later that month) reads rather awkwardly. A song cannot really "give" someone something. Maybe say something like "Delia named her concert tour Acadelia after "Acadele".)
 Done
  • I would remove this part (which commenced later that month) as it is not necessary.
 Done
  • For this part (further appeared on the first live show of), I would remove "further" as it is not necessary.
 Done
External links
  • This should go below the "References" section.
 Done
Questions
  • Do you have any access to the song's credits?
There aren't any other credits than the one given, according to Tidal. Not worth listing them in a "Credits and personnel" section.
  • Did the song receive any reviews? It seems odd that there are no reviews mentioned at all, and only one for the music video. It raises some questions about notability unfortunately.
The song is notable, but it didn't receive any relevant reviews, unfortunately. Romanian media doesn't usually go that in-depth compared to the Americans :(
Final comments

I can tell that you have done a lot of good work on the article. I did find quite a few areas that require improvement, but once my comments are addressed above, I will do another read-through. Hope you are having a great start to your week! Aoba47 (talk) 20:14, 7 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

@Aoba47: Thank you a lot for another review!!!! I've responded to all your comments. Best; Cartoon network freak (talk) 22:23, 7 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Verdict
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