Talk:Abraham D. Shadd

Tessa's feedback:

Good lead! Being the first black elected official seems like a big deal--I'm surprised he didn't have a wikipedia page already!

Personal and early life section: "It is disputed between sources"--passive structure ROASTED

Prominence in Civil Rights: Looks good!

Life in canada: I have a LOT of labels on my own article, which I'm thinking about trying to pare down, so take this advice with a grain of salt--but Shadd seems like he did a lot of things. He was a politician, school creator, loaning dude, (I don't know the technical terms for these last two) and ended up on the other end of the Underground Railroad. Consider adding some of these labels to your entry, and perhaps the lead specifically, to make it easier to identify all the cool things Shadd did.

Death and legacy section: "as a very respected and prominent man within Canada West" has a bit too opinionated of a flavor for a Wikipedia entry, imo. Are you able to quote your sources here?

Overall, this was excellent. Your sources all look reliable and your writing was informative without being dry! I feel that the "Life in Canada" section feels a bit too compressed in structure--maybe instead of organizing chronologically/geographically I'd feel more satisfied with a politician/community work/UGRR work sort of structure. Consider using subheadings to delineate the kinds of work he did within your "Life in Canada" section?

Colin Schulz's Feedback

- "emigrated to Ontario, Canada" Need a comma after Canada - "and equipment, in order to assist" No comma needed (I think) - Just a reminder that you were talking about adding the hyperlink things - Overall your writing style is super clear and sounds really good - Your lead is very high quality - I like the structure a lot but idk if Wikipedia will let you have a bibliography like you do now (not under a particular header). I think you might need to add a References header? - Your coverage seems balanced and neutral to me! - Idk about the validity of your "Heritage Resources" source just because it doesn't really have any sources of its own. - I like how much you cited, it doesn't seem excessive but everything seems properly supported — Preceding unsigned comment added by Coschu16 (talk • contribs) 23:16, 28 November 2018 (UTC) -

Prof. Smith Feedback:

Hi Ryan,

I think you're well on your way to a solid article here. The article is well-researched, you are very thorough in your coverage of Shadd's life, and this is generally well written with few major errors. Your peers had some great feedback, to be sure to follow their advice when it seems appropriate. I'll echo a few things that they have said, as well as pinpoint some additional things to work on. 1) As Colin suggests, do go ahead and delete your bibliography. That was just for our class exercise and your Reference List will serve the same purpose now. 2) As Tessa suggests, the line about him being so prominent and respected does seem to be a personal opinion thing that Wikipedia editors may find violates neutrality. I would rephrase the material under "Death and Legacy" or explain who among his contemporaries saw him as an influential leader (in other words, be sure to source this statement if you read it somewhere, or delete it if it's simply your own opinion). 3)Remember that you need "See Also" and "External Links" sections to have a complete assignment. See the article template that I handed out in class, and that is posted on our Canvas homepage, for details on what to include in these sections and how to format them. 4) I would highlight Shadd's connections to Mary Shad Cary more because she is pretty famous. I might even add a second sentence to your lead that says he is the father of prominent activist Mary Shad Cary and mention her activism, briefly, somewhere in the main body of the article. She would also be a *very* good figure to put in your "See Also" links to other Wikipedia articles.