Talk:Abaza Hasan Pasha/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: HaEr48 (talk · contribs) 05:26, 4 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

I'll take this review. Expect detailed feedback in the next 24 hours. HaEr48 (talk) 05:26, 4 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

So I read up to the "First revolt" section. I feel the article could use a thorough copyedit. Many of the passages are overly wordy and/or hard to understand because of unusual wording. I suggest asking a third party copy edit it, for example you can add a request in WP:GOCER, those guys are the expert at copyediting. Furthermore, there are events or names that are mentioned without context, for people familiar with the topics these might be clear, but not for a casual reader. Please go over the article and add those.

For now I'll put the nomination on hold pending these improvements. I've added specific comments below, based on my reading up to the "First revolt" section, to illustrate the issues I was talking about above. Please address these, and also look at the rest of the article to see if there are similar issues, and then we can continue the review again. HaEr48 (talk) 06:38, 4 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Content

The lead section is too long for a 17k article. I suggest, make the 2nd paragraph shorter and collapse the 3rd paragraph to just one or two sentences.
“Abaza Hasan first gained prominence in 1648 by defeating the Anatolian rebel Kara Haydaroğlu” (in lead) * Could you explain under what capacity he defeated the rebel?
“The rank of voyvoda (overseer) of the Yeni Il Türkmen”. What does this mean? Is Yeni II a person, and why would overseeing a person be an important position?
“During this time he rallied to his side other military men with grievances against the government as well as thousands of the sekban and sarıca characteristic of the Celali Rebellions” Took a while for me to understand this sentence. Consider rewording it. Consider translating foreign words such as Celali and sekban and sarıca.
Did the second rebellion only demand the Grand Vizier’s execution, or only deposition? The lead is ambiguous about this.
The third paragraph of the lead is a bit off-tangent can be shortened into one or two sentences.
Who was “Hacı Sinanzade Mehmed Pasha”? Please explain his position in the first mention.
“A contemporary source depicts him fuming with rage” can we name the contemporary source?
In the first rebellion, where did his forces come from? It’s not easy to follow. He just got removed from office but he managed to field enough forces to defeat governors and cavalry commanders?
Could you describe who Bektaş Agha was in the first mention of his name?
What was the position of Kösem Sultan, which makes her assassination a “political revoltion” ?
Consider using {{sfn}} so that you don’t have to spell out book titles in each citation. See, for example Arung Palakka.

HaEr48 (talk) 06:38, 4 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Any updates here, Chamboz? HaEr48 (talk) 22:23, 11 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Failing the nomination because the issues above was not addressed after more than seven days (9 days now). HaEr48 (talk) 05:46, 13 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]