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GA Review

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Reviewer: Ritchie333 (talk · contribs) 13:00, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

A single {{fact}} tag and subsequent sourcing probably don't count as "significant contributions", so I'll give this a go. --Ritchie333 (talk) (cont) 13:00, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, initial findings are as follows :

Lead

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  • The grammar / punctuation on the first sentence on the second paragraph doesn't look right
  • "Due to Barrett's erratic behaviour becoming increasingly unstable" - probably want to tone this down. I'd got for something like "Due to Barrett's behaviour becoming increasingly unpredictable"
 Done yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 22:28, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Background

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  • "From late 1967 to early 1968" - I would say more like mid 1967 to late 1967. The first documented incident of his later behaviour in Povey is on 27 July 1967 where Syd freaked out before his third appearance on Top Of The Pops (Povey p.65)
 Done yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 22:32, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "partly as a consequence of his heavy use of drugs" - you probably want multiple sources on this, and even then the drugs bit is disputed
 Done Removed drug part. yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 14:57, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "terse, almost to the point of rudeness" probably wants a source, and attributed to who said it
Will get more sources for above two at a later point. yeepsi (Time for a chat?)
 Done Replaced the sentence. yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 14:57, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "or save for a few songs" should read "or, save for a few songs"
 Done yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 22:32, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Recording and structure

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  • The two concurrent sentences starting "The band" probably want to be merged in with each other. Subsequent sentences don't seem to scan quite right and probably want integrating
 Done yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 22:38, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • On 24 and 25 January, the band (presumably without Barrett) recorded a song logged "The Most Boring Song I've Ever Heard Bar 2" at Abbey Road (Povey p.90) This later became "See Saw" (as cited later in the article)
Could you cite the recording part? yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 22:38, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Povey p.90 --Ritchie333 (talk) (cont) 23:18, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Thank you. yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 23:46, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Songs

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  • "only one original Barrett song," is repetition from earlier
  • "With Barrett seemingly detached from proceedings" probably doesn't need a direct citation, it's covered elsewhere in the article
  • "childlike approach" might want a source
 Done above. yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 22:57, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Would be nice to get a quote of Wright's opinion of his early work
Will source at a later point. yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 22:57, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I can't find any quotes. yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 13:59, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I'm not sure about the "side one" and "side two" breakdowns. Aside post release live performances, the individual bits of tracks can probably be re-integrated into the main prose. There's a bit of repetition here as well. I think this whole section needs a rethink.
Will change in a mo. yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 22:57, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
 Done I've merged the section above into Recording and structure. yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 00:10, 7 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • ""Let There Be More Light" evolved from a bass riff that was part of "Interstellar Overdrive". According to the AllMusic source, all it says is that it's got "surface similarities". So this is just the opinion of Stewart Mason, nothing more
 Done yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 22:57, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Waters performed Set The Controls on quite a few tours - I saw him do it in 2006 (obviously I can't cite what's in my head but hopefully there is a source out there for this). Also, why mention the live history of this and not the album's title track, which was played for years too?
Will source at a later point. yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 22:57, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Half  Done Have sourced Set the Controls, looking some sources for Saucer. yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 12:15, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
 Done yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 19:53, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Does Mason sing all the lead in Corporal Clegg? Sounds to me like the opening line is Gilmour. Might be worth digging out another source for this.
I think it's Mason. I had a quick relisten to the first half of Clegg, after hearing the first line I thought Gilmour but after hearing the second line I thought it was Mason. Will try to find a source. yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 22:57, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
 Done All I can find is just for Mason on lead. yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 19:40, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • ""A Saucerful of Secrets" started off was a new version of "Nick's Boogie"" This sentence doesn't scan right
 Done yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 22:57, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Barrett and Waters watched the promo video during the second week of December 1967". Why is this important to mention?
I think it may have been the guys' first look at the video, I'm not completely sure. Will search for more info, if I can't find any I'll remove it. yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 22:57, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Removed. yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 19:40, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Scream The Last Scream" and the background to it seems to be mentioned several times in the article, probably redundantly
I can't see how its been mentioned redundantly? yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 22:57, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
It's referred to as "unreleased" in "Recording and structure" and "Unreleased songs", and as a Barrett song twice in "Recording and structure". Second and subsequent mentions of these are probably unnecessary. Does that make sense? --Ritchie333 (talk) (cont) 23:23, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Yep, thank you. yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 23:51, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Cover art

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  • Is it worth mentioning anything about the back cover, or any changes for CD reissues? (Can't remember if they are or not)
 Done The first line is worth retaining as its the first for Floyd by Hipgnosis, and second for an outsider designer for an EMI group, the rest has been removed. I've moved it to Release and reception. yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 23:01, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Release and reception

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  • Worth digging out a few more review quotes?
Will do at later point. yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 23:01, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
 Done yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 15:36, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Personnel

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  • All personnel on the album is uncredited. The only credit is "Produced by Norman Smith"
  • Can you cite that Gilmour (as opposed to any other band members) played kazoo?
I think the remaster CD booklet has the credits (though, I would probs need a book or other source for the kazoo), I'll get a source for the credits at a later point. yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 23:17, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
 Done yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 13:41, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • The Salvation Army only played on Jugband Blues, which I guess is what you meant to write here
 Done Yep, I've added it in. yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 23:17, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Images

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Removed. yeepsi (Time for a chat?) 23:17, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]


I've done a few minor fixes, but other than that, it's a pass. Well done. --Ritchie333 (talk) (cont) 10:01, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

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