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Talk:2021 New York City Marathon/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: RoySmith (talk · contribs) 23:30, 18 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]


Starting this review now...

Lede

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  • This will read better if you combine the first two sentences: "...of the NYC Marathon, which was held on November 7, 2021". I don't think you need to explain that the New York City Marathon was held in New York City.
  •  Done

What I would add to the lede is a short description of the course. At least mention that it covers all 5 boroughs, with a brief description of the route. I would also mention that the top prizes are $100,000.

  •  Done Added the five boroughs, and prize money (for elite and wheelchair races)

Photos

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  • Many of the images could need to be replaced with more relevant ones. The generic Central Park image in the infobox says nothing about the race. I did a little searching and founds lots of better images with acceptable licenses. I think this one would be perfect for the infobox.
  •  Done It was already on Commons, so was easy to add (I didn't expect there'd be so many free images, as I'm used to the London Marathon which had had almost no free images the last few years)
  • The photo of Albert Korir is from the 2019 race. If you can't find an image from 2021, at the very least the image caption should say, "shown competing in 2019".
  •  Done Doesn't look to be an image of him in the 2021 race. There are images of the people who came second and ​ninth ​in the race, but both are poorer quality images in my opinion
  • Lose the photo of Keli O'Hara. This article is about the race. I see that she competed, but a picture of her singing at an unrelated event doesn't add anything to this article.
  • minus Removed

Background

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  • I would mention that the sponsor, Tata Consultancy, is an Indian firm.
  • "Both elite races had..." sounds clumsy. Maybe, "The elite races each had...". Likewise for the "Both" in the next sentence.
  • "or had a recent negative", change "had" to "or to have had"
  • The last two sentences of the section are kind of choppy. How about, "Competitors were required to wear face coverings when not racing, and started in five different..."
  •  Done done all of these.

Course

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  • Drop "officially". You talk about it being a sanctioned distance, saying it's officially sanctioned is repetitive.
  •  Done
  • This is a mix of leaving out too much information and saying what is said in too many words. How about "The race starts at Fort Wadsworth on Staten Island" (no need to say it's in NYC, we know that already). Then, "The runners then cross the V-N Bridge into mostly-flat Brooklyn where for the next 12 miles they pass through Bay Ridge, Sunset Park, Park Slope, Fort Greene, Bedford-Stuyvesant, and Williamsburg." You don't need to list every street, but if there's major roads they travel along for long distances (i.e. 4th Ave in Brooklyn), that's worth mentioning. A similar level of detail for the parts that go through the other boroughs would also be appropriate.
  •  Done I've added major roads/bridges crossed in the race. There's a lot more roads listed for Brooklyn and Manhattan as most of the race distance is in these 2 boroughs (Queens for example has only about 1 mile of the race)
  • "Entertainment Zone" is a direct quote so needs a citation immediately attached to it.
  • minus Removed Since I can't find a citation for it

Field

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  • There's a lot of short choppy sentences here, and a lot of repetition of the phrase "also competed". Ditto for "featured". This needs some general copyediting to make it flow better.
  •  Fixed Re-flowed it so that there's longer sentenced and fewer uses of "completed, featured"

Race summary

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  • "finished her sixth marathon major", I think works better as "... major marathon". Although, I see you use "marathon major" in several places; if that's the conventional phrasing, then it's fine.
  • "Hug led the race throughout, and after 20 kilometres (12 mi), he had a lead of three minutes over Briton David Weir,[10] and was on track to beat the course record." Rewrite as, "Hug led the race throughout; after 20 kilometres (12 mi), he had a lead of three minutes over Briton David Weir,[10] and was on track to beat the course record.
  •  Done
  • There's a lot of places where you use words like "around" and "about", i.e. " Around 18 miles into the race". I think you can leave those out and just say, "At 18 miles into the race" (or even, "at 18 miles"). It's understood that "18 miles" means "about 18 miles", not 18.000 miles.
  • minus Removed
  • "Swiss athlete Marcel Hug". You don't need to explain that he's an athlete. We know that already.
  •  Resolved by changing to "Switzerland's Marcel Hug" as "Swiss Marcel Hug" didn't sound correct to me

Results

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  • "Only the top 10 finishers in each race are listed." No need to say that, it's obvious.
  • minus Removed
  • Why are only 7 finishers listed for Handcycle women. Were there only 7 entries in the entire race? If so, then listing all of them seems excessive (i.e. we're listing the last place finisher). Maybe just the top 3 for the smaller fields?
  •  Done There were only 7 female handcycle finishers. Have changed to top 3 for handcycle event (as they had far fewer finishers), top 10 for others seems okay to me (as there were at east 20 wheelchair finishers of each gender, the times for 10th place are reasonably competitive, and they are mostly bluelinks)
  • I don't see the need for the colored backgrounds. It took me a while to figure out they were gold, silver, and bronze, but that doesn't really add anything to the comprehension of the event.
  • minus Removed it seems to be the standard for marathon articles, but not sure why

Sources

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  • I'm unconvinced that The Gothamist is a WP:RS.
  • minus Removed the text was sourced to a better source in the body of the text, so didn't need this source in the lead
  • I'm also unsure about citizen.digital as a RS.
  • It's from Citizen TV, a Kenyan free-to-air TV channel, so looks okay to me?

Overall broadness

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  • Weather is an important factor in running performance. We don't need a detailed weather report, but was it hot, cold, sunny, rainy, windy? How did that affect the finishing times?
  • plus Added added weather (temperature, sunny, little wind), and comment that it was good for quick racing
  • How did the results this year compare with other years? Was this a fast race? Slow race? Nothing special?
  •  Partly done Added elite women's. Elite men's seems to be almost the same times as 2019, can't find sources about it though (as it seems unspecial). Wheelchair men's mentions it almost broke record, wheelchair women's race looks slow compared to other years (but can't find sources which specifically say that)

Other criteria

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  • I'm not seeing any issues with copyvios. Earwig calls out a few random bits, but they're just stock phrases that can't reasonably be reworded. No worries there.
  • No issues with the other "immediate failure" criteria.

OK, that's all I see. Ping me when you've worked through the issues. -- RoySmith (talk) 00:51, 19 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

@Joseph2302 I'm not sure where this is. Was there more you wanted to do here, or should I go ahead and re-review it? -- RoySmith (talk) 23:00, 23 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Follow-up

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  • The first sentence is still a bit repetitive. How would you feel about, "The 50th running of the New York City Marathon was held on November 7, 2021." and moving the link a couple of sentences later: "The race followed its traditional route...". Alternatively: "The 2021 New York City Marathon, the 50th running of that city's premier long-distance race, was held on..."?
  • In "Field", change, "The race also contained.." to "Also competing was...". Except that you use that phrase again a bit further down, so maybe, "The field also contained". I can't back it up with a good grammatical argument, but I think races include and fields contain.
  • "The conditions helped enable fast races", maybe run that into the previous sentence as, "... , leading to fast finish times".
  • It's unfortunate that the only photo we've got of the wheelchair entrants doesn't show their faces, but we can't do anything about that.

This last set of comments are all nits. I'm going to go ahead and mark this as passed GA, but consider going back and looking at these items again. Overall, a really nice article. Thanks for the submitting it. -- RoySmith (talk) 16:19, 25 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

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