Talk:2019 FIA GT World Cup/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk · contribs) 16:39, 14 April 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I'll be reviewing this! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 16:39, 14 April 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

• “a 12-lap qualifying race that decided the starting order for the 18-lap main race.” – “a 12-lap qualifying race and an 18-lap main race” I don’t think you need the explanation, since this is literally what qualifying means. • “The main race was won by Raffaele Marciello of Mercedes-AMG Team GruppeM Racing from pole position, having won the event's qualification race the previous afternoon” – “Both the qualifying and the main races were won by Raffaele Marciello of Mercedes-AMG Team GruppeM Racing.” – More concise. • Then change “meeting” to “main race” in the next sentence to clarify which we are discussing. • No comma after main race. • Take out “the highest-placed” in the last sentence—since a Mercedes won, it follows by deduction that Vanthoor was the highest-finishing Porsche.

Background and entry list

• 1st paragraph three sentences in a row start with “The” – maybe change start of the second? • “drivers had to compete” – “drivers had to have competed” – correct verb tense • “Or have significant experience” – “or have received significant experience” - same issue • I think it would make more sense to move the sentence about the Bronze drivers after the sentence about the Silver drivers—that way, you list all the groups allowed to participate before saying which one was not allowed. • Take out “made up the entrants” – unnecessary. • “This was an increase of two from 2018” – “This was an increase of two drivers from 2018” – Also, take out the comma after 2018. • Need an apostrophe after “photographers”

Practice and qualifying

• “half an hour” – I’ve heard when this is used as an adjective, you need a hyphen connecting the words – “half-an-hour” • “The session resumed once both cars were removed” – “Once both cars were removed, the session resumed” – makes it clear that following part of the sentence refers to session resuming. • “Half hour” at start of second paragraph should be “half-hour” • “as they were in practice and separated” – “as they were in practice: they separated” • Since “two-tenths” is a noun here, I don’t think the hyphen is necessary. • Delink “Charles Weerts” since there is no article about him. • Link Roelof Bruins on first mention

Qualifying race

• “so that the moving of Dries Vanthoor's car to a safe area could be made possible” – “so that Dries Vanthoor’s car could be moved to a safe area” • “one another second and third” – add “in” between another and second • Move the refs from after “lap five” to the end of the sentence – don’t need to merely cite that there was a lap five. • “enter the pit lane and retire as a” – “enter the pit lane, where he retired as a” • “as a consequence of” – “because of” – more concise • Move cite from after eighth lap to the end of the sentence. • “the Bamber” – take out “the” • “ABS” – Since this is the first mention of anti-lock braking system, perhaps spell it out and then put the abbreviation in parentheses. • End the second-to-last sentence after corners, then move the material about Fong to the last sentence (perhaps “Fong, Bruins and Picariello were the final finishers.”)

Main race

• Move the cite from after Two laps later to the end of the sentence. • Take out the comma after “quick Mandarin Oriental Bend corner” • “in a identical incident to Dries Vanthoor the day before” – “in an incident identical to Dries Vanthoor’s the day before” • “across the circuit though no other driver hit it with debris littering the track” – “across the circuit, though no other driver hit it, and debris littered the track” Might also want to specify that the debris was from his car. • Move citation from after Lisboa corner to the end of the sentence • “for third into Mandarin” – “for third into the Mandarin” • Move citation from after Lisboa corner to the end of the sentence • “Vanthoor allowed his teammate Bamber into second after his unsuccessful challenge on Marciello allowing Bamber to close up to Marciello” – take out “after his unsuccessful challenge on Marciello – Sentence is confusing as it is now and this info is covered in the previous sentence. • “at Police bend corner” – “at the Police bend corner”. Also, should bend be capitalized? • “and removed his” – “and lost his” – way it is now, it sounds like it was deliberate. • “Bamber again closed up to Marciello when the latter was cautious through the entry to the Melco hairpin and made slight contact with the rear of Maricello's vehicle on the last lap” – “When Marciello was cautious through the entry to the Melco hairpin, Bamber again closed up to him, making slight contact to the rear of Marciello’s vehicle on the last lap” • After this, should have a sentence saying “Marciello won the race.” by itself. • “On his third FIA GT World Cup start, it was Marciello's victory, leading all of the racing laps to have been completed over the weekend,[39] achieving Mercedes' third victory in the event,[41] following Engel's 2015 triumph and Mortara's 2017 win” – “In just his third FIA GT World Cup start, Marciello led all of the racing laps over the weekend, achieving Mercedes’ third victory in the event, following Engel’s 2015 triumph and Mortara’s 2017 win.” • “by the Macau GT Cup restricted to” – “by the Macau GT Cup, which was restricted to”

References

• Looks great!

MWright96 Brilliant start as usual. Once these are addressed, the criteria should be satisfied. Let me know when you're done, and I'll give it another look! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 03:08, 15 April 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@Sanfranciscogiants17: Have made edits based on the queries raised above MWright96 (talk) 12:21, 15 April 2021 (UTC)[reply]

- MWright96 Looks good now, passing. By the way, sorry about how those comments displayed! I typed them out on a Word document and didn't get them posted until late last night, so I didn't realize until just now how they looked. Will organize them more clearly next time. Anyway, great work! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 13:06, 15 April 2021 (UTC)[reply]