Jump to content

Talk:2018 Macau Grand Prix/GA1

Page contents not supported in other languages.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

GA Review

[edit]
GA toolbox
Reviewing

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Harrias (talk · contribs) 09:57, 26 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]


I'll take a look at this. Harrias talk 09:57, 26 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Lead
  • "..from the pole position.." "the" seems odd here, I'm more used to hearing it as just "from pole position", but I guess it is okay.
  • "The race was stopped for more than one hour because of a major accident that saw Sophia Flörsch of Van Amersfoort Racing sustain spinal fractures from catapulting into the catch fence above a barrier beside the circuit and struck a photographer's bunker after colliding with the rear of Carlin's Jehan Daruvala." This is a very busy sentence, which also switches tense in the middle. I would suggest splitting it into two sentences: finish the first after "sustain spinal fractures", and then explain the incident in the second sentence. "and struck" needs to changing to "striking" to reflect the present tense used in the rest of the sentence.
  • "Another driver Sho Tsuboi, two photographers.." Needs another comma: "Another driver, Sho Tsuboi, two photographers.."
Infobox
  • The infobox says that the weather for both races was overcast, but the body says it was clear?
Entry list and background
  • "Within the 28 car grid.." Should be "28-car" I think.
  • It might be interesting to note which champion and series did not attend. I was certainly left wondering that question.
Report
  • "..one on mid-Thursday morning.." Should be "Thursday mid-morning".
  • "..because of a clean circuit." This could do with some explanation, possibly in a footnote: what a clean circuit is, and why it makes the times slower.
  • "..in a near carbon-copy crash to Leong." Avoid "carbon-copy", which probably isn't encyclopaedic language, and use "in a near identical crash to Leong."
  • "..had his front wind replaced.." Typo: wing, not wind.
  • "..traffic bulked them.." Is this meant to be blocked, rather than bulked?
  • Link "FCY" to Racing flags#Yellow flag in the Ticktum quote box.
  • "Not long after Andres and Katayama made contact.." Needs a comma after after.
  • "Other cars slowed Eriksson and Fenestraz retook.." Needs a comma after Eriksson, to distinguish from Eriksson and Fenestraz both being slowed. There are a few other cases of this scattered earlier and later in the article, try to pick those up too.
  • Gosh the blow-by-blow description of Flörsch's crash brings it back, but in horrible slow motion! All dealt with well though. Can we link "C7 and T3 vertebrae" though.
  • "Repairs to the barrier and tending to the injured and a track cleanup lasted for more than an hour until racing could resume." Remove the first "and", replacing with a comma. Also, replace "until" with "before".
  • "They took a bone from her hip and replaced to create a new hip and inserted a titanium plate to help support it." I can't quite make sense of this sentence?
  • "..that she did not believe the crash would be as major as she predicted.." This seems to contradict itself?
  • "..was not dangerous and any major alterations to its configuration were necessary." Should this be "and no major alterations"?
Classification
  • As always, I'll bug you about the use of flags in the tables, against MOS:FLAG.
References
  • All look solid, and the article is well-referenced throughout.

Another good piece of work, with just minor polishes required. Harrias talk 10:31, 26 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:2018_Macau_Grand_Prix/GA1&oldid=918068154"