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Talk:2018 FIA GT World Cup/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk · contribs) 12:35, 26 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]


I will be reviewing this. Comments to follow soon! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 12:35, 26 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Here are my comments:

Well written

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Lead

  • Delink platinum since there is no article to it.
  • ”The main race was won by BMW Team Schnitzer driver Augusto Farfus in a BMW M6 GT3 from pole position, having won the Qualification Race the previous afternoon. Farfus held the lead at the rolling start and led every lap of the main race to claim his fourth victory in Macau and his first since the 2009 Guia Race of Macau.” – Seems like this could be shortened to “The main race was won by BMW Team Schnitzer driver Augusto Farfus in a BMW M6 GT3. Earning the pole position by winning the Qualification Race the previous afternoon, Farfus led every lap of the main race to claim his fourth victory in Macau and his first since the 2009 Guia Race of Macau.”
  • ” BMW was the third” – “BMW became the third”

Background and entry list

  • ” The 2018 FIA GT World Cup was confirmed as being held during a meeting of the FIA World Motor Sport Council on 9 March following a contract extension with race organisers to stage the event in the Chinese Special Administrative Region of Macau” – “The 2018 FIA GT World Cup was confirmed during a March 9 meeting of the FIA World Motor Sport Council. A contract extension with race organisers allowed the race to be staged in the Chinese Special Administrative Region of Macau.” Reads clearer this way. Phrased the way it was before, some might think the race was held during the March 9 meeting.
  • Put (SRO) after first mention of Stephane Ratel Organisation
  • Delink Associação Geral Automóvel de Macau-China since there is no article.
  • was presented to the manufacturer -replace manufacturer with maker for variety
  • ” drivers had to compete” – “had to have competed” (corrected verb tense)
  • “or have significant experience” – “or have acquired significant experience”
  • ” Only platinum or gold racing license holders could enter with silver ranked drivers eligible on a case by case basis at the FIA GT World Cup Committee's discretion.” – “Only platinum or gold racing license holders could automatically enter. Silver ranked drivers were permitted as well, but these had to be approved individually by the the FIA GT World Cup Committee.” Better grammatically.
  • ” formed part of the entry list” – either take out “part of” or add in the entrants not mentioned.
  • ” Three former FIA GT World Cup winners in Maro Engel, Laurens Vanthoor and Edoardo Mortara and the 2007 Macau Grand Prix winner Oliver Jarvis were among the entrants.” – “Three former FIA GT World Cup winners in Maro Engel, Laurens Vanthoor and Edoardo Mortara were among the entrants, as well as 2007 Macau Grand Prix winner Oliver Jarvis.” Helps differentiate the 2007 Macau Grand Prix from the FIA GT World Cup winners.
  • ”The Audi R8 LMS had 10 kg (22 lb) of ballast added while the BMW M6 GT3 received a weight decrease of 10 kg (22 lb) but its turbocharger boost was reduced.” – “The Audi R8 LMS had 10 kg (22 lb) of ballast added. Meanwhile, the BMW M6 GT3 received a weight decrease of 10 kg (22 lb), but its turbocharger boost was reduced.” – Reads clearer this way.
  • ” but lost performance with its air restrictor lowered in size by 1 mm (0.039 in).” – “but lost performance because its air restrictor was lowered in size by 1 mm (0.039 in).”

Practice and Qualifying

  • Create Practice subheading for first 2 paragraphs
  • ” Two half an hour practice” – since half an hour is used as an adjective, I think it’s supposed to be hyphenated – “half-an-hour”
  • ” and Earl Bamber with the first five representing four manufacturers.” Run-on sentence. How about “and Earl Bamber. Four manufacturers were represented among the first five.”
  • ” and lost control stopping sideways across the circuit with damage to his car's front-left bodywork and the spoiler removed.” - “and lost control, stopping sideways across the circuit. His car suffered damage to its front-left bodywork and the spoiler was removed.”
  • ” while attempting to avoid Dries Vanthoor before Farfus was required to stop.” – “while attempting to avoid Dries Vanthoor. After that, Farfus was required to stop.” Reads better grammatically, I think. As phrased now, it’s a little unclear as to what is meant (and if I got the meaning wrong, please word it in a way that conveys the correct meaning!).
  • ”17 minutes” – should be “17 seconds”
  • “leading the trio of Audi drivers of” – “leading Audi drivers” more concise
  • ” Jarvis was 14th” – “Jarvis qualified 14th”
  • “for better handling and received” – “for better handling. The vehicles also received” better grammatically.

Qualifying race

  • ” causing the contact with Laurens Vanthoor that caused Vanthoor to lose control of his car sending it into a half spin and crash into the outside barrier sideways and back across the circuit.” – sentence gets kind of long, how about “causing contact with Laurens Vanthoor. This caused Vanthoor’s car to go into a half spin, crashing into the outside barrier sideways and rolling back across the circuit.”
  • ” car from the circuit before it was withdrawn for the restart on the third lap” - ” car from the circuit. The safety car was withdrawn on the third lap, and the race restarted.”
  • ” Farfus waited late to return the field to racing speeds” – “Farfus was late returning to racing speeds,”
  • End sentence “at mountain section.” and start new one with “He achieved victory…”
  • ” over Marciello in second position” – take out “in second position”

Main race

  • ” Laurens Vanthoor was withdrawn from the event” – “Laurens Vanthoor was withdrawn before the start of the event” just to show when the withdrawal occurred.
  • ” the lead from Marciello” – “the lead over Marciello”
  • ”Farfus opened” – “Farfus had opened”
  • ” Marciello was able to lap faster in the circuit's mountain sections although he could draw close enough to Farfus and attempt an pass” Not sure what this sentence is saying. Should it say “although he could not draw close enough to Farfus to attempt a pass”? Either way, make it “a pass” and not “an pass.”
  • ” Marciello ran deep by braking too late for Lisboa turn and hit the barrier” – “Marciello braked too late for Lisboa turn and hit the barrier”
  • “while attempt” – “while attempting”
  • ” promoted Engel to second who took up the chase of Farfus” – “promoted Engel to second behind Farfus.”
  • ” try and distract Farfus, as he remained” – “try and distract Farfus. He remained”
  • ”of the latter” – “of the leader” since we split it into its own sentence.
  • ” the pace of the former” – “Engel’s pace”
  • ” with BMW's straightline speed over Mercedes-Benz's” – “with BMW’s superior straightline speed”
  • ” for 9th place and Jaminet moved” – “for 9th place. Jaminet moved” Makes clearer that Jaminet’s pass was on a different lap.
  • ” After 18 laps, Farfus led every lap” – “Ultimately, Farfus led all 18 laps”
  • ”Engel followed 0.981 seconds later in second,[36] with his teammate Mortara third after an early race error at the Police bend and his car lacking downforce and pace.” – “Engel followed 0.981 seconds later in second. His teammate Mortara finished third, overcoming an early race error at the Police bend and deficient downforce and pace on his vehicle.”
  • ” and the highest-placed Audi driver was Frijns in fifth who was two seconds ahead of brandmate Haase in sixth, giving four manufacturers representation in the top five.” – “and Frijns finished fifth in an Audi, giving four manufacturers representation in the top five. Haase, who also drove an Audi, finished sixth.”
  • ” Macau debutants Jaminet and Dries Vanthoor were seventh and eighth with Marciello ninth and Imperatori the highest-finishing Nissan participant in tenth.” – “Macau debutants Jaminet and Dries Vanthoor were seventh and eighth, Marciello was ninth, and Imperatori was the highest-finishing Nissan participant with a tenth-place finish.”

See also

  • Take out the link to 2018 Guia Race of Macau, since the page does not exist.

Notes

  • ” was preparing a move to Europe and Honda did not appear to prioritse the GT3 class” – “was preparing a move to Europe, and Honda did not appear because they did not prioritize the GT3 class.”
  • ”while Bentley were” – “while Bentley was”
  • Take out the comma after Main Race in Note 3-not necessary.
  • ” sustained enough damage in an accident during the Qualification Race to warrant its withdrawal” – “sustained too much damage in an accident during the Qualification Race.” More concise.

Verifiable

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References look good!

Broad

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Article is broad in its coverage.

Neutral

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Article is neutral.

Stable

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No issues here!

Illustrated

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Images look good!

I'll take another look after you address these, but the article looks pretty good so far! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 19:53, 26 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

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