Talk:2012 Grand National/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 15:32, 19 July 2012 (UTC)
I will be reviewing this article. As it's one of my first GA reviews, I will be asking for a second opinion after we're done. I will post comments within 24 hours.
—Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 15:32, 19 July 2012 (UTC)
- It is reasonably well written.
- It is factually accurate and verifiable.
- a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
- a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
- It is broad in its coverage.
- a (major aspects): b (focused):
- a (major aspects): b (focused):
- It follows the neutral point of view policy.
- Fair representation without bias:
- Fair representation without bias:
- It is stable.
- No edit wars, etc.:
- No edit wars, etc.:
- It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
- a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
- a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
- Overall:
- Pass/Fail:
- Pass/Fail:
- Lead
Try to take out the references from the lead and put them in the body of the articleDo we need reference 1? I don't really see why it's needed"Neptune Collonges, ridden by Daryl Jacob, won the race, beating second-placed Sunnyhillboy in [...]" Remove second-placedAdd something about the safety changes in the leadCan you add some about the race overview?"grey horse" -> "grey horse"For reference 3: "Telegraph" should be "The Daily Telegraph"
- Safety changes
Why is "National Course" in italics?"RSPCA" -> "Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals""4 ft 10 inches" -> "4 ft 10 in."
- Race card
De-wikilink British Horseracing Authority. You already linked it once in the section before- Several references needed. Just some examples:
"Entries for the race had to be submitted by 31 January 2012."- "Synchronised was attempting to become the first horse since Golden Miller in 1934 to win both the Gold Cup and Grand National in the same year."
- "Jockey Tony McCoy rode Synchronised and was aiming for his second Grand National success in 17 attempts."
- "[...] and following the second round of scratchings on 20 March" Missing a period?
What does JF mean in the table?- Not necessary, but try and see if {{ref label}} would be better instead of an asterisk (referring to your note in the table)
- Race overview
- References needed, examples:
- "The start of the race was delayed after Synchronised unseated his rider, Tony McCoy during the warm-up and got loose on the racecourse."
"there were further delays caused by overly-keen riders and horses breaching the starting tape twice."- "Jockeys, trainers, viewers and spectators waited for one-and-a-half minutes to hear the judge's official announcement [...]"
Delink "Becher's Brook"- Are there any free images of the race available?
- Eventually is a bad word. Either take it out or say when
- Charged seems a little POV
- "Viking Blond became the race's first faller" How did he fall?
- "His jockey Brian Hughes suffered a suspected broken cheekbone in the fall" Suspected? Either his cheekbone was broken or not
- "[...], both 16/1 shots, [...]" seems jargony. Try rephrasing to something like "[...], both of which had odds of 16/1, [...]
- "By the fourth, [...]" Fourth what?
- "prominent position" prominent seems POV
- "State of Play unseated his rider Noel Fehily and Chicago Grey and Rare Bob were brought down" -> "State of Play unseated his rider, Noel Fehily; Chicago Grey and Rare Bob were brought down"
- Also, what do you mean by brought down?
- "and a screen was soon erected around him" what do you mean by screen?
- "Becher's Brook, the sixth obstacle, saw the well-backed Cheltenham Gold Cup winner Synchronised fall." -> "Becher's Brook, the sixth obstacle, saw the Synchronised fall." No need to hype the horses up again and again.
- "McCoy suffered a soft-tissue injury but Synchronised" comma before but
- "suffer serious injury, and he continued" probably be better with "suffer serious injury. He continued"
- Reactions
- Need references for every quotation
- There are some jockey quotes that I think should be removed. For example, what is the significance of having "Tom Scudamore, whose mount Junior fell at the second fence, said: "It was brief, unfortunately.""?
- Broadcasting
- Refs needed. Examples:
- "As the Grand National is accorded the status of an event of national interest in the United Kingdom and is listed on the Ofcom Code on Sports and Other Listed & Designated Events, it is always shown on free-to-air terrestrial television in the UK."
- "The race was aired on BBC Radio for the 80th successive year"
Is there a need to have the entire quote box in bold?
- Subsequent review
- Ref needed for "have been neither "foreseen nor prevented"".
- Other issues
- Watch your POV. I see you've called something "famous" three times in the article. Also see "notable".
The main problem I see is a lack of references. Once that is fixed, this article will look great, and probably we GA-worthy.
—Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 19:05, 19 July 2012 (UTC)
- Struck out comments that have been addressed. I've also added some edits to the article.
It has been a week hardly any progress has been made. The article is severely lacking references, and the prose can be improved. Thus, the article will be failed. I suggest either a peer review and maybe a copy edit. I also suggest reading WP:When to cite. If you disagree with my decision, there is WP:Good article reassessment.
—Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 23:52, 26 July 2012 (UTC)