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Talk:2005 24 Hours of Le Mans/GA1

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Reviewer: Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk · contribs) 12:22, 11 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]


1. Prose Lead

Background

  • In the first paragraph, could you clarify that Faroux's proposal started the 24 Hours of Le Mans in general? The way it reads now, readers might think you are just referring to the 2004 edition.
  • Link Charles Faroux
  • the president of the automotive group, the Automobile Club de l'Ouest (ACO) - president of Automobile Club de l'Ouest (ACO), I think the link is enough explanation.
  • Then, put a comma before you start talking about Coquile

Regulation and track changes

Automatic entries

Entry list and reserves

  • due to the car suffering from aerodynamic deficiencies from a modification to the height of the car's rear wing at the 2004 Petit Le Mans to comply with the ACO's regulations, promoting the No. 76 IMSA Performance LMGT2-class Porsche from the reserves. - due to aerodynamic deficiencies caused by an ACO-mandated modification to the height of the car's rear wing at the 2004 Petit Le Mans. This promoted the No. 76 IMSA Performance LMGT2-class Porsche from the reserves.
  • LMP2/04 - de-link, since no article
  • Change was to were

Testing

  • car fifth - add a verb
  • Take out the comma after 1989 event
  • with the No. 59 of David Brabham second - and the No. 59 of David Brabham was second (or you can use a different verb if you want)
  • Take out the comma after Ferrari

Qualifying

  • Eight hours...was available - Eight hours...were available
  • within 115 per cent - typo?
  • chose to meet - chose merely to meet, otherwise there's no point of the statement
  • seconds he set - seconds which he set
  • Tom Kristensen and Ryo Michigami's - add comma after Kristensen
  • vehicle came fifth - vehicle came in fifth
  • The No. 39 Chamberlain-Synergy Motorsport Lola car of Peter Owen had earlier caused the session to be stopped with a loss of control at its rear while changing gears and crashed at the exit of the second Mulsanne chicane. Owen was unhurt. - Earlier, the No. 39 Chamberlain-Synergy Motorsport Lola car of Peter Owen had caused the session to be stopped because of a loss of control at its rear while changing gears. It crashed at the exit of the second Mulsanne chicane but Owen was unhurt.
  • 4 minutes and 1.197 seconds lap - 4-minute-and-1.197-second lap
  • Sam Hignett seventh - Sam Hignett was seventh
  • fuel rig braking - fuel rig breaking
  • Similarly Dumas - Similarly, Dumas
  • to go fourth - to go to fourth
  • 3 minutes and 50.311 seconds lap - 3-minute-and-50.311-second lap
  • 4 minutes and 5.326 seconds time - time of 4 minutes and 5.326 seconds
  • a lap of 3 - a time of 3 for variety since you use lap soon after
  • The highest-placed Audi was third after a time from McNish's Champion car - McNish's Champion car was the highest-placed Audi, in third.
  • 115 per cent limit - typo?
  • session and dispensation - session. Dispensation

Warm-up

Start and opening hours

  • race, led by the starting pole sitter Boullion. - race. Bouillon, the pole sitter, led the field. run-on sentence the way it is now
  • but the Gosselin's - but Gosselin's
  • Lola were in the pit lane - Lola began the race in the pit lane
  • LMGT1-class leading - add a dash between class and leading
  • thetrack - space
  • Chicane and dropping to third - Chicane, dropping the car to third
  • undertray and promoting - undertray, promoting
  • 60 mph (97 km/h) as he returned - 60 mph (97 km/h) and he returned
  • Ford Chicanes and caused - Ford Chicanes, causing
  • Not long after Patrick Bourdais - Not long after, Patrick Bourdais
  • trap and he made - trap, making
  • gearbox and subsequent - gearbox. Subsequent
  • to rectify and dropped - to rectify dropped
  • Ian Mitchell after passing - Ian Mitchell, which passed
  • 2 hour and 30 minute mark the - 2-hour-and-30-minute mark, the
  • Shortly after Comas - Shortly after, Comas
  • garage and the car fell to fifth - garage, forcing the car to fifth
  • began leaking oil and necessitating - began leaking oil, necessitating
  • 15 minutes and marshals - 15 minutes as marshals
  • were recalled Pirro - were recalled, Pirro
  • corner and he - corner. He
  • position and Marco Werner - position; Marco Werner

Night

  • made a pit stop to relinquish the No. 58 Aston Martin to his co-driver Peter Kox - pitted to switch control of the No. 58 Aston Martin with his co-driver Peter Kox
  • bodywork and it was retired - and bodywork, forcing its retirement
  • It briefly - The incident briefly
  • Ortelli who - Ortelli, who
  • car though he avoided - car. Ortelli narrowly avoided curing run-on sentence
  • sixth overall and promoted - sixth overall, promoting
  • Not long after Donny Crevels' - Not long after, Donny Crevels'
  • pipe and retired - pipe. He retired
  • Take out "heading towards Indianapolis corner" - earlier sentences have already indicated to the reader where the oil was.
  • coasted down - coasted backwards down for clarity
  • At midnight Ayari's - At midnight, Ayari's
  • chicane and forcing - chicane, forcing
  • Ayari to fall to 14th - Ayari to 14th
  • LMP2-category leading - LMP2-category-leading

Morning to early afternoon

  • Soon after a - Soon after, a
  • Indianapolis and it was beached - Indianapolis and it became beached
  • gravel and McNish - gravel but McNish
  • its - his Audi's
  • braking point and retired - braking point, forcing its retirement.
  • because the car sustained major damage to its right-hand corner - because the brunt of the impact was to the car's right-hand corner
  • an hour and fell to third in the category - an hour, causing it to fall to third in the category
  • Soon after Enge's - Soon after, Enge's
  • splitter and the - splitter. The sentence is too long as-is
  • damage and promoting the sister No. 59 entry of Stéphane Sarrazin to second place in category. Sarrazin subsequently sustained a left-rear puncture; he returned to the circuit retaining second position in LMGT1 - damage. Stéphane Sarrazin in the No. 59 passed its sister No. 58 for second as well; though Sarrazin subsequently suffered a left-rear tyre puncture, his pit stop did not cost him the position.
  • chicane and he spun through 90 degrees into a tyre wall - chicane. He spun 90 degrees into a tyre wall, damaging the No. 17 Pescarolo car's rear wing, steering and suspension, as well as loosening its bodywork.
  • Pescarolo were - Team Pescarolo was
  • The No. 17 Pescarolo C60 vehicle's retirement elevated - The No. 17's retirement elevated
  • The Zytek - The No. 9 referring to it as the Zytek would be like referring to Jeff Gordon's car as The Dupont
  • Soon after the - Soon after, the
  • radiator due to the opening - radiator. The debris was a result of Boullion's crew opening
  • two laps adrift - two laps back, the car is not at sea

2. Verifiability

3. Depth of coverage

  • Kristensen eclipsed Jacky Ickx's all-time record of six overall Le Mans wins - maybe add, "heading a class that included Ickx's daughter in one of the entries." Interesting fact. If you make this change, take out the and before Werner and let that be its own sentence
    • Not so certain that it would add anything to the article and I don't believe it's relevant to the bigger picture MWright96 (talk) 17:58, 11 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
      • She's mentioned a couple times anyway and linked, so readers can figure that out on their own if they want. Fine the way it is. I'm going to look this back over now and see if there's anything else. 18:48, 11 April 2020 (UTC)

4. Neutral

5. Stable

6. Illustrations

7. Misc

These are all the things I found to work on. Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 13:35, 11 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

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