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Talk:2004 24 Hours of Le Mans/GA1

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Reviewer: Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk · contribs) 23:05, 9 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

1. Prose Background and Regulation Changes

  • In the first paragraph, could you clarify that Faroux's proposal started the 24 Hours of Le Mans in general? The way it reads now, readers might think you are just referring to the 2004 edition.
  • from 12 to 13 June - from June 12 to 13
  • Link Charles Faroux
  • the president of the automotive group, the Automobile Club de l'Ouest (ACO) - president of Automobile Club de l'Ouest (ACO), I think the link is enough explanation.
  • Then, put a comma before you start talking about Coquile
  • that took effect from the 2004 race - that first took effect in the 2004 race
  • The former Le Mans Grand Touring Prototype and Le Mans Prototype 900 (LMP900) categories merged and was renamed Le Mans Prototype 1 (LMP1) and was limited solely to manufacturers - The former Le Mans Grand Touring Prototype and Le Mans Prototype 900 (LMP900) categories were merged and renamed Le Mans Prototype 1 (LMP1), which was limited solely to manufacturers
  • The Le Mans Prototype 675 (LMP675) category had no car capable of challenging for the overall victory and the ACO designated it a lower class and renamed it Le Mans Prototype 2 (LMP2). - Since the Le Mans Prototype 675 (LMP675) category had no car capable of challenging for the overall victory, the ACO designated it a lower class and renamed it Le Mans Prototype 2 (LMP2).
  • such as a Porsche 911 GT1 at the 1998 Petit Le Mans and the Mercedes-Benz CLR at the 1999 Le Mans race, - such as the wreck of as a Porsche 911 GT1 at the 1998 Petit Le Mans and the wreck of a Mercedes-Benz CLR at the 1999 Le Mans race
  • outside of its wheelbase - outside of their wheelbase
  • and a reduction in rear overhang coupled an increase in front overhang - and a reduction in rear overhang coupled with an increase in front overhang
  • Shouldn't minimize be minimize? If this is just a geographic variant (like defense is spelled defence in Canada), you can leave as is, but if not, it should be minimize.

Automatic entries

  • Teams who won - probably should be teams which won, as a team is probably technically an object, not a person
  • Some second-place finishers were also...Entries were also granted... Change the second of those sentences to start, "Additionally, entries were granted..."
  • As entries were pre-selected to teams - not quite sure what this means. Change either to entries were pre-selected by teams or entries were designated for teams, depending on which is correct.
  • they were not - the teams were not
  • from the previous year to the next, but were permitted - end preceding sentence at next and start new sentence They were permitted
  • did not take up their automatic entries - did not accept their automatic entries

Entry list and reserves

  • Change the start of one of the paragraphs so they don't both start with on.
  • Arena Motorsport withdrew its Dome S101 car, promoting the No. 4 - did it replace the Dome S101 with the No. 4, or did it move the No. 4 higher in the field by withdrawing the other entry? Either change to replace or specify that the other car moved up in the field.
  • Thierry Perrier's Porsche 911 GT3-RS was elevated into the race entry - Thierry Perrier's Porsche 911 GT3-RS got into the race
  • was delisted and promoting - either switch to replaced with or note that the second car got to start higher in the field
  • A second Racing for Holland Dome car was promoted - was added
  • promoting Seikel Motorsport's No. 84 Porsche - This allowed Seikel Motorsport's No. 84 Porsche, or note that the Porsche moved up in position

Testing

More to follow once I get a chance! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 23:29, 9 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Eight hours...was available - were available
  • on 9 and 10 June - on June 9 and 10
  • Soheil Ayari's No. 18 Pescarolo C60 car sixth - Soheil Ayari's No. 18 Pescarolo C60 car took sixth
  • ahead of the sister No. 35 Epilson Sport car - ahead of its sister No. 35 Epilson Sport car
  • after damaging the front splitter - after damaging its front splitter
  • the No. 6 Rollcentre Racing Dallara SP1 vehicle was seventh - the No. 6 Rollcentre Racing Dallara SP1 vehicle scored seventh
  • Courage No. 31 C65's lap time was unchallenged... Right now, the way the sentence is structured, you are comparing lap time to a car. Change it so the sentence either compares the lap times of both cars or compares both cars.
  • and went three seconds clear of the JMB Ferrari. - and finished three seconds ahead of the JMB Ferrari
  • Rain showers during 10 June - Rain showers on June 10
  • and the first expectations of improved lap times in the third qualifying session were negative - and lap times in the third qualifying session were expected to be less than what they had been before.
  • temperatures increased and allowed - temperatures increased, allowing

More to come! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 00:08, 10 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • eight minutes in,[36] and - take out the comma
  • 12th fastest overall - add a dash
  • second in class - second in its class
  • qualified it in third caused it to qualify third
  • second and third in class - second and third in their class

Warm-up

  • Try not to have back-to-back sentences in this section start with The
  • Bourdais' engine cover shed from his Pescarolo C60 car - Bourdais' engine cover came off his Pescarolo C60 car

Start

  • held off an challenge - held off a challenge
  • The other two Audis...The top five cars - change the start of one of these sentences
  • were caught out by a patch of oil - lost control when they ran over a patch of oil
  • and recovery from trackside equipment enabled McNish and Lehto to return to the garage for extensive repairs - and were taken to the garage for extensive repairs (unless you really want the part about trackside equipment in there, your choice)
  • The No. 9 Kondo Dome vehicle of Ryo Michigami slowed on course in the final third of the lap with a transmission failure that dropped it to fifth, behind the No. 18 Pescarolo C60 car of Érik Comas and Katsutomo Kaneishi's No. 15 Racing for Holland car as it was repaired in the garage - The No. 9 Kondo Dome vehicle of Ryo Michigami suffered a transmission failure on the final third of the lap and had to go the garage for repairs. It dropped to fifth, passed by the No. 18 Pescarolo C60 car of Érik Comas and Katsutomo Kaneishi's No. 15 Racing for Holland car.
  • reset the fastest lap in LMGTS to a 3 minutes and 53.327 seconds to be 17 seconds - posted the fastest lap in LMGTS at 3 minutes and 53.327 seconds, 17 seconds behind
  • relinquished - gave up
  • and had a heavy crash against the inside barrier at the exit to the Karting Esses with the rear of the car , crashing the rear of the car into the inside barrier at the exit to the Karting Esses
  • responded to Ara's faster pace to stabilise the gap at the front of the field and it increased after Ara ran into a gravel trap on the Mulsanne Straight - stabilized his lead over Ara, which increased after Ara ran into a gravel trap on the Mulsanne Straight
  • in LMGTS when he spun - in LMGTS until he spun
  • car past and his clutch - car past. His clutch
  • Prodrive changed the clutch and the Prodrive changed the clutch but the

Night

  • threw the No. 63 Corvette backwards and struck a barrier - threw the No. 63 Corvette backwards into a barrier
  • vision was obscured by a thick dust cloud and the No. 37 Courage C65 car crashed into a barrier - crashed into a barrier when his vision became obscured by a thick dust cloud
  • It - now change to His No. 37 Courage C65 car
  • into a gravel trap that necessitated his entrance to the pit lane - into a gravel trap, forcing him to go to the pits
  • In the first sentence of the second paragraph, specify whether Davies or Magnussen had the penalty
  • category over the No. 64 Corvette was lowered from - take out was
  • to hold sway in the LMGT class - change hold sway to lead, more formal
  • the car relinquished the lead it had held for the majority of the race - the car lost its lead it had held for the majority of the race
  • The car, driven by Patrick Long, returned to the track in second, - Patrick Long replaced Bergmeister and returned the car to the track in second
  • with a broken right-rear halfshaft and the car - change and to but
  • Delink William Binnie (unless you think the link should stay, but right now, there's no article for Binnie)
  • to rectify a misfire he had for the past two hours - add suffered between had and for
  • Then, change the next suffered to experienced
  • after Turner's No. 65 Prodrive Ferrari was affected by gear selection problems - change was affected to experienced
  • Also, add a comma after Not long after
  • as the car spent the majority of the past hour in the garage - the next hour? Or, note that it fell to fifth because it had spent an hour in the garage

Morning to early afternoon

  • In the early morning the Champion - add comma after morning
  • of brake disc and the No. 17 - split into 2 sentences
  • the left-rear suspension failed on Short's No. 6 Dallara car in the Karting Esses - the No. 6 Dallara car driven by Short suffered a left-rear suspension failure in the Karting Essesre
  • Soon after the race leading - Soon after, the race-leading
  • put a hyphen or dash between flat and spotted
  • front-left wheel bearing seized through the Dunlop Chicane - change through to in
  • The car returned to the garage and it lost the class lead to Beretta's No. 64 Corvette - The car returned to the garage, losing the class lead to Beretta's No. 64 Corvette
  • and relinquished the lead - and gave up the lead
  • It did not however result - It did not, however, result

Finish

  • from its crash in second hour - from its crash in the second hour
  • and Kaffer was fifth - finished fifth
  • Although Corvette Racing ran out of spare parts because of the incidents it was involved in - its crashes? If you don't think they were all "crashes," you can leave as is. Also, change it to its cars
  • win after the team won the 2003 race in conjunction with Alex Job Racing - win (following its 2003 win in conjunction with Alex Job Racing)
  • take out the comma after Racing
  • renewable fuelled car - renewable-fuelled car
  • Intersport were victorious in LMP2 - either Intersport was victorious or the Intersport entries were victorious, whichever's more accurate
  • Back in qualifying, re-link Rachel Welter (only linked in lead right now)

2. Verifiability Nice job citing. I'll be checking the references for formatting when I get back. Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 01:00, 10 April 2020 (UTC) References look good! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 01:17, 10 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

3. Depth of coverage After reading through the article, I think the depth is good!

4. Neutral

5. Stable

6. Illustrations

7. Misc

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