Talk:1999–2000 S.L. Benfica season/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Lemonade51 (talk · contribs) 18:07, 28 August 2015 (UTC)

I'll take this one.

• The lead is far too short. It should act summary for the body of the article, which is quite lengthy. There is nothing about signings for instance.
• "The 1999–2000 season was Sport Lisboa e Benfica's 96th season and the club's 66th consecutive season in both Portuguese football and UEFA competitions." 96th season and 66th consecutive season in Portguese football? Does not make sense.
• "Benfica appointed 1997–98 UEFA Champions League-winning manager", how about just 'UEFA Champions League manager', season is irrelevant.
• "Heynckes immediately requested signings at all three positions: defence, midfield and offense," attack, given the majority of the article is written in British English?
• "For offense Benfica considered", again 'For attack...'
• "He signed, practised with the team and left after he was claimed by Rosenborg because of financial issues related to his transfer," how about "He signed, practised with the team but left after Rosenborg claimed there were financial issues related to his transfer"?
• Many sentences in the last paragraph of 'Pre-season' are unsourced, such as "Benfica hired two replacements: Carlos Bossio and Robert Enke." and "The Argentine was seen as Preud'homme's successor, with appearances on his national team and many years as first choice at Estudiantes." It is not exactly clear to the reader who is Argentine and who is German.
• "The German was a development prospect", what does this mean?
• "However, in a preseason game against Bayern Munich...", be consistent, pre-season is hyphenated in the paragraph heading.
• " Hugo Henrique of the home team matched it minutes later for a...", equalised minutes later?
• "Benfica visited Azores, beating Santa Clara 3–0 and tied at the top of the league table with five other teams", how about "Benfica visited Azores and beat Santa Clara 3–0 to move to top of the league table, tied with five other teams"?
• "Four days later the club débuted on the European stage", firstly accent is not needed. Secondly, the use of 'debut' suggests that this was Benfica's first European game, which it wasn't. How about "started their campaign"?
• "In the league race, the Eagles took the lead after defeating Vitória Setúbal." → "In the title race, the Eagles led the table after defeating Vitória Setúbal." According to Record, how about naming the writer the quote is attributed to?
• "to send Benfica to the second round" → "to send Benfica into the second round"
• "On 16 October Benfica visited Barcelos, increasing their lead to four points over second-place FC Porto" → "On 16 October Benfica visited Barcelos and increased their lead to four points over second-place FC Porto"
• "The club defeated P.A.O.K. in Greece, bringing an advantage back to Portugal" → "In Europe, the club defeated P.A.O.K. in Greece, taking an advantage back to Portugal for the second leg"
• "In their eighth Primeira Liga match the Eagles hosted Boavista F.C." who are the Eagles? Avoid nicknames.
• "It was the first time since 22 August that Benfica lost points" → "It was the first time since late August that Benfica dropped points"
• "For their last October game, they visited Alverca to face the local team.", who are the local team?
• "On 4 November, Benfica hosted P.A.O.K. for the second leg of their European stand" qualifier
• regulation time → normal time
• "The Lisbon side converted all their shots, moving on to the next round" progressing into
• "They lost 2–0 on goals by Capucho and Jardel", grammar
• What are "northerns"?
• "The match made club history" → "Benfica made club history in the match"?
• half-time is hypenated
• "three more goals in the second half broke their goals-allowed record[35] for their worst defeat", rephrase
• "At their next practise hundreds of fans booed the team", training session?
• The statement by João Pinto is too long. Trim and summarise it.
• "Benfica began December with a draw against Belenenses, with Porto's victory giving it the league lead.", this is not clear.
• one-equal draw → one-all draw
• On match-day 14 → On Matchday 14. Same with On match-day 18. Who are "Os Encarnados"?
• "...and were beginning the new year four points behind the leader in third place" change to "...began the New Year..."
• "The year began with a Derby de Lisboa at home", year started to avoid repetition
• "benefited from the points-sharing", change to 'points-share'
• "Benfica ended January with three points outside Estádio da Luz", or just 'three points away from home'?
• "Now focused on the league campaign"
• Source for José Manuel Delgado's quote?
• "On 1 April Benfica faced Porto in the second Clássico of the year", of the season?
• "An early ejection of" → "The early dismissal of"
• "In the next-to-last game of the season" → "In their penultimate game"
• "The club finished four points from a Champions League berth and eight behind Sporting, who won their long-awaited title.", capitalise 'league' in Champions League
• Plenty of "According to...", without names of authors, just the publication Record. Think of different ways to introduce quotes so it doesn't read drab.
• Authors for the Record sources?
• You need to add retrieved dates for the Record sources.

No dabs or dead links. Predominantly issues with grammar and prose, but nothing that can't be sorted. Will pass once comments have been addressed and I've made adjustments. Lemonade51 (talk) 18:07, 28 August 2015 (UTC)

@Lemonade51: I think I've addressed all of your comments, but tell me if you need more work. When authors for Record are not shown it's because they are not announced in the source, also I've tried to rephrase some introductions to quotes to avoid repetitions.--Threeohsix (talk) 18:11, 29 August 2015 (UTC)

@Threeohsix: I've tided up the article. Just need to address citations and we're good to go. Lemonade51 (talk) 13:51, 31 August 2015 (UTC)

@Lemonade51: The first citation was already there, added another reference for the ending.--Threeohsix (talk) 14:07, 31 August 2015 (UTC)