Talk:1994 FIFA World Cup qualification (CONCACAF–OFC play-off)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: SounderBruce (talk · contribs) 00:08, 8 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Will review later. I would recommend changing the SMH citations to Newspapers.com clippings for accessibility. Sounder Bruce 00:08, 8 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

A bit hard when I don't have a subscription to newspapers.com HawkAussie (talk) 00:44, 8 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@HawkAussie: You can apply for access at WP:TWL. For now, I'll try to add clippings as I go along. Sounder Bruce 01:53, 8 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

General notes

I have concerns about linking to ozfootball in the match reports. They seem to be personal observations and don't match the reports at 11v11 when it comes to event times.

I understand the issue here but that is the only "report" of those two matches other than the references that you mentioned further down in the article.

Please include positions for all players, as well as numbers for substitutes.

I understand this one but 11v11 hasn't got a complete position in both of those matches.

Lose the byline locations in citations, since they can't be applied consistently. It's highly unusual to use them in this manner, as they are normally reserved for the publication place for news sources that don't have a clear place in their name.

It was initally used as the location of where the article was based with some news articles not giving the location

It's still not entirely necessary and adds extra cruft to the citations.

It would be good to use some of the contemporary sources about the series (such as this from the CBC and this from the Socceroos)

More later. Sounder Bruce 09:47, 8 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Images of the stadiums or key players would be a nice addition.

Lead

No hyphen in "two legs" (x2)
The Canadian stadium gets city and province, but the Australian stadium gets city and country. Needs to be consistent here.
"who finished top of that group" is redundant, as it is already mentioned that Mexico is before second-place Canada
"on the other hand" is unneeded
Might be better to use cities to describe the legs rather than stadiums
resulting aggregate tie; also add a comma after this
"headed into extra time, which eventually led to penalties": mention that the extra time was scoreless and split the penalties and result out into a new sentence
Link to penalty shootout
Add the result of the Argentina series, with link to 1994 FIFA World Cup qualification (OFC–CONMEBOL play-off)

Background

I suggest adding some context for those unfamiliar with international football, namely the qualification system used and allocation of World Cup slots by confederation. Sounder Bruce 10:11, 20 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Canada

The opening sentence should mention which round marked Canada's entry into qualification.
Jamaica can be dropped from Kingston
Include the score for the first two matches
Informal language that needs to be replaced: "One-all", "off the back", "nil all"
First names are not needed beyond the first mention (Mitchell, Bunbury, Catliff, etc.)
What group was Canada in?
The hat-trick section needs to be reordered for clarity.
No hyphen in "clean sheet"
"This meant" - replace by adding Canada's standings, points, and lead over the second-place finisher in the group.
Mention the final round had one automatic berth and a play-off berth
Move "third round" to the beginning of the paragraph
open the scoring is missing "from a penalty kick"
"once more" should be "once again"
Drop the "But"
"saw" should be "caused"
Burnaby needs to be supplemented with its province, as it is not a globally-recognized city
Drop the parenthesis for the minutes
Informal language: "off on the wrong foot"
"Honduras goalkeeper" should use the proper demonym: Honduran
"a misplay" should be "a misplayed [action]", e.g. a ball or a pass
"nine men" should be "nine players"
"in the final round" should be "of the final round"
"with" should be "during"; "with Ramon" should be "after Ramon"
"At the following match" is unnecessary
"controlled the loose ball and slotted it in" should be simplified to "controlled a loose ball and scored"
"opened the scoring ... getting a goal off" is redundant
"mix-up" should be hyphenated; describe what exactly happened here
"lashing an unstoppable drive" should be replaced with formal language
"efforts to get a winner" should be "efforts to re-take the lead"
"to go" should be "left in the match"
"slotting the ball into an open net" should be replaced with formal language and a better description of the goal
Mention the points standings after this match
I noticed that this section is strictly about the matches and do not include roster decisions, injuries/player availability, travel issues, and other potentially important details. Please dig around for them.

Australia

Instead of repeating "1994 campaign", perhaps use "qualification campaign"
Avoid repetition of Solomon Islands, even if they are for different uses
Please add what effects the tropical heat had on players (and keep it in one place), or drop it from the sentence
Informal language issues: "struggled", "sealed" (x2), "looped", "man down"
Mike Peterson red card is a WP:SEAOFBLUE
More phrases to replace: "hit straight back", "take on", "sealed"
Add goalkeeper before Tony Franken
"eight points from eight" doesn't really work here, as some readers could think it had something to do with the number of goals scored. I recommend changing it to "a full eight points from four matches".
"the tie" should use "aggregate" to not confuse readers

First leg summary

Both summary sections are quite short, especially for the second leg that went to extra time and penalties. Please look into expanding with more detail.

@SounderBruce: I have expanded all of these sections. The extra-time and penaltiies section wasn't really much to add as their wasn't much more detail other than the incindent. HawkAussie (talk) 12:34, 15 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"Ten minutes, in the 15th minute": choose one or the other
Phrases to replace: "one man down" (lost goalkeeper Robert Zabica to a red card), "clattering" (colliding), "reshuffle", "only a minute" (a minute left), "level the score", "digged in", "battled gamley", "keep the gap"
"This brought on Mark Schwarzer playing his first game for Australia after being called up after first choice Mark Bosnich decline to leave Aston Villa.": I would reorder this to put the callup mid-sentence, like so: "Mark Schwarzer, who was called up after first choice goalkeeper Mark Bosnich declined to leave Aston Villa, debuted for Australia as a substitute for Milan Blagojevic."
No comma needed after "Canadian defender"
"level the score [...] scoring a goal": one instance of "score" should be removed

Second leg summary

"in Sydney" is a bit redundant
Change the order of the Randy Samuel sentence to put his first-leg absence first, and describe his position
Typo: "suspesion"
"Australia with the Ausrtalians" is redundant
MOS:DASH needed in 10-1
"Quoting after the match" should be "Quoted"
"responded" is not the right term, either
The quote should probably be placed at the end of the paragraph
"tactical change worked" should be discarded
"scoring the goal" should be "a goal" and include the minute
Terms to replace: "would only take a minute", "aerial tussle", "unguarded forest"?, "failed to break", "stretchered off"
Overlinked: Randy Samuel
The flow of the sentence implies that Samuel scored, not Durkavoic
Some full names should be clipped to just family names on second mention (e.g. Samuel, Schwarzer, Durkavoic, Farina)
The last sentence is a bit of a run-on. I would split Farina's shot into a separate, short sentence that does not use the word "sealing"
I still find both summary sections to be too short, especially considering that they've been boosted with quotes rather than play summaries as I had hoped.

Aftermath

After which match? Also add "manager" before the link to Bob Lenarduzzi
"added saying" is redundant
"from the match" should be dropped
Typo: "conceeded" (should be concede)
Unnecessary hyphen in "second-leg" (and "two-legs" in the lead)
Phrases to replace: "looped over", "the keeper", "wouldn't be", "wouldn't make it"
Second-to-last sentence should begin with Australia
"as of" template is unnecessary here; should begin with "Canada has not qualified for another World Cup playoff, with their best result..."

Citations

The locations use in news citations still needs to be fixed, as it's inconsistent with current use among GAs.
Citations 1 and 30 should include "Fédération Internationale de Football Association" as the publisher
CP-AP should be un-abbreviated where possible
Citation 29 does not need all-caps

@HawkAussie: That about does it, so I'll put the article on hold. Sorry about the delay, my month was extremely rough and I had to keep this on the backburner for a long time. Sounder Bruce 06:51, 6 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@SounderBruce: I think I have covered everything, sorry for the wait. HawkAussie (talk) 12:12, 31 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@SounderBruce: Just wondering what is happening as it's been on hold for about two months at this point. I see you are busy, but just putting it out there that I have completed everything on this list. HawkAussie (talk) 02:08, 8 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@HawkAussie: I was asked to take over the GANR for you, but having just read the article and looked through the edit history relating to the review above, I'm confident to pass it. Kingsif (talk) 19:40, 16 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Kingsif: Thank you for finishing it in what seem to be forever. HawkAussie (talk) 03:11, 17 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]