Talk:1981 Pacific hurricane season/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Hurricanefan25 (talk · contribs) 18:41, 4 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I'll probably review this by tomorrow afternoon. HurricaneFan 25 18:41, 4 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
- I'm putting this on hold for one week. Feel free to let me know if you need more time. HurricaneFan 25 17:28, 5 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  - Since I'm busy IRL, I might need more time. YE ^Pacific ^Hurricane 05:29, 6 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
    - No worries YE, I can take care of these for you...I have already done half, you know? :P -- TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk) 12:45, 6 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
      - 'kay, it's on hold for two weeks now (till December 20). HurricaneFan 25 15:01, 6 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
        It is difficult to edit this page, but I plan on finishing this over the weekend, if not the next week or the weekend after that. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 00:06, 7 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
        I have fixed all the comments you brought up, HurricaneFan25. -- TropicalAnalystwx13 (Talk) 16:18, 10 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
        Thanks, this article is set to pass it appears. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 16:26, 10 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
        Sorry, but the review really was only the immediate concerns. This probably still needs a whole copy-edit/cleanup; I'll do a second review later. You didn't address the "miscellaneous" comments either. HurricaneFan 25 21:50, 10 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
        Just fail it. If it needs a lot of work, there's no reason to keep it at GAN. It's already been on hold for quite some time now. Auree ★ 00:42, 12 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose quality:
See below

B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:
See below.
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. References to sources:

B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:

C. No original research:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:

B. Focused:
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias:
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:

B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:

Prose

The season officially started on May 15 in the eastern Pacific, and on June 1 in the central Pacific, and ended on November 30 This would read better without the first comma, and you should clarify that you are referring to basins. In addition, you should also clarify that the season ends on November 30 in both basins. The season officially started on May 15 in the eastern Pacific basin and June 1 in the central Pacific basin. Both basins' seasons ended on November 30. or something of that sort.

The first tropical cyclone developed on May 30 This should also be clarified, as it seems to imply that the first tropical cyclone in the world developed on May 30. "Developed" is technically incorrect, as the precursor system may have developed on May 26 or something. See also below. The first tropical cyclone of the season was designated on May 30

The storm caused six deaths, five in Texas, and one in Mexico, due to severe flooding. The usage of commas here is incorrect; an em dash should be used to demarcate it. The storm caused six deaths — five in Texas, and one in Mexico, due to severe flooding.

However, the deadliest tropical cyclone of the season was Tropical Storm Lidia made two landfalls one on the southern tip of the Baja California Peninsula and the second on the shores of Sinaloa in early October. Confusing here, and it's grammatically incorrect. However, the deadliest tropical cyclone of the season was Tropical Storm Lidia, which made two landfalls — one on the southern tip of the Baja California Peninsula and the other along the shores of Sinaloa in early October.

Because of the heavy rainfall observed in northwestern Mexico The damage associated with it isn't because people measured the rainfall. As the result of its heavy rainfall in northwestern Mexico

However, two tropical cyclones from the Eastern Pacific, Greg and Jova, entered the Central Pacific, with the latter entering as a hurricane. "Eastern" and "Central" should not be capitalized unless you are referring to the former RSMCs. Also, tighten the prose by removing the "with". However, two tropical cyclones from the eastern Pacific, Greg and Jova, entered the central Pacific, the latter entering as a hurricane.

The season produced fifteen named storms and eight hurricanes, A semicolon should be used instead of a comma here. The season produced fifteen named storms and eight hurricanes;

both of these numbers were equal to the average, I think you meant to put a period here. both of these numbers were equal to the average.

that did not strengthen into storms Technically incorrect; change into that did not strengthen into tropical storms

but no deaths or damage was reported. Space needed after full stop.

and at least seventy three deaths Hyphen needed here. and at least seventy-three deaths

Hurricane Norma, struck as a Category 2 hurricane just northeast of Mazatlan. Remove the comma here. Hurricane Norma struck as a Category 2 hurricane just northeast of Mazatlan.

On May 30, an area of intense shower and thunderstorm activity located 270 mi (430 km) to the south of the Mexican coastline Tighten by removing "to the". On May 30, an area of intense shower and thunderstorm activity located 270 mi (430 km) south of the Mexican coastline

and becoming the first tropical storm of the season Remove the "and". becoming the first tropical storm of the season

Reaching a peak intensity of 45 mph (72 km/h), Adrian began to move over slightly cooler ocean temperatures Use the standard winds, not the {{convert}} template. Also, clarify that it was a TS when it had those winds, although it isn't all that important.

Link Clipperton Island

over warm sea surface temperatures → over warm sea-surface temperatures

the depression strengthened and Gradually strengthening Try to find a different word here for the second usage.

to attain its first brief peak at 85 mph (137 km/h) See above.

Hurricane Beatirz Typo! Hurricane Beatriz

sea surface temperatures → sea-surface temperatures

Moving towards the west-northwest over warm sea surface temperatures → Moving towards the west-northwest over warm sea-surface temperatures

Reaching a peak intensity of 50 mph (80 km/h) later that day See above.

Calvin then began moving over cooler water and weakened to a minimal tropical storm. Sequence of events not exactly stated correctly. Calvin then moved over cooler water and subsequently weakened to a minimal tropical storm.

and became Tropical Storm Dora "Became"? It's still a system. "Designated" is better IMO.

As Dora reached its peak intensity of 90 mph (140 km/h) on June 14 See above.

Cooler ocean temperatures of below → Cooler ocean temperatures below

without any effects to land Slightly inclined towards passive voice. without affecting land.

moved towards the west-northwest Tighten by deleting "towards the". moved west-northwest

storm accelerated towards the west-northwest, and Eugene reached a peak intensity of This can be shortened. storm accelerated west-northwest, reaching a peak intensity of

Shortly thereafter, the system began to enter cooler ocean temperatures "Enter" implies that it's in the ocean. :o Shortly thereafter, the system began to meander over cooler ocean temperatures

After holding in intensity for a day "Holding in"?

Eugene dissipated on July 21, while located Remove the unnecessary comma. Eugene dissipated on July 21 while located

There are no reports of any effects → There were no reports of any effects for tense consistency.

Fernanda originated from an area of shower and thunderstorms If one is plural, the other should be plural too. Fernanda originated from an area of showers and thunderstorms

that organized to become a tropical depression They can organize, but they have to organize enough in order to be designated. that organized enough to be designated a tropical depression

There's a series of three terse sentences that could be combined into two just after there.

Fernanda had become a tropical depression Weird tense change here. It should be became, not become. Fernanda had became a tropical depression

and dissipated early on August 13, without Remove the unnecessary comma. and dissipated early on August 13 without

the next cyclone of the season Just use "it". it

developed on August 13 → formed on August 13

Three of the four sentences after the one about curving around the high-pressure area are short; they could be combined into three or just two.

Clarion Island at 2100 UTC August 14 Add an "on" between UTC and the date. Clarion Island at 2100 UTC on August 14

While Greg weakened into a depression The context ahead of that seems to imply that this was unusual, so replace "while" with "although".

1800 UTC August 22 Same issue here as above.

2105 UTC August 21 Same here.

There's a few terse sentences in Hilary's section.

There are two periods at the end! Fix these ;)

then weakened as it moved over 83 °F (28 °C) water Use a better word than "water" (you used it twice in this section) like "sea-surface temperatures".

The next day, after moving offshore, Irwin dissipated. → After moving offshore the next day, Irwin dissipated.

1200 UTC September 24 Same issue as above.

You over-use the word "after" in Jova's section.

Dee to its track just north of Hawaii Uh, what does "dee" mean? File:Face-tounge.svg

its only effect on the Hawaiian Islands was to disrupt the trade winds. This caused an increase in humidity. Shorten by changing to its only effect on the Hawaiian Islands was to disrupt the trade winds, leading to an increase in humidity.

There's another series of terse sentences in Knut's section.

1330 UTC September 21 See above.

which took place later that season → which took place later during the season

Link Los Mochis

before the system began to move into cooler ocean temperatures and higher wind shear Clarify that wind shear didn't occur under the ocean! :P before the system began to move into an area with cooler ocean temperatures and stronger wind shear

during the afternoon hours of the same day, without any effects to land Remove the unnecessary comma.

it developed on October 8 I'm serious, "Norma" would sound way better than "it" here.

and weakened to a Category 2 Clarify that "Category 2" is a status: and weakened to Category 2 status.

$50 million in damage[3][12] See below.

and caused many Sounds a bit strange given the previous text; change to and many

Turning towards the north, and eventually northeast Remove the unnecessary comma here.

Otis reached a peak intensity of 85 mph (137 km/h) See above.

~~The next day, Otis made landfall near Mazatlan, before being absorbed by a frontal system. Remove the second comma.~~

Miscellaneous

directly affecting land Clarification is needed here. Do you mean they made landfall, or they simply "affected" land?
which was ten days later than the normal start of the season This part is considered trivia within the project and should be removed.
However, the total of eight hurricanes during the season was equal to the average You previously said near normal, so this isn't all that surprising.
which can be contributed to significant crop damage and many tornadoes Makes no sense as the previous context was not associated with it. Remove the "can be" and replace the "contributed" with "is credited". which is credited to significant crop damage and many tornadoes
Lastly, the final storm to make landfall on Mexico during the 1981 season was Hurricane Otis Err, this is a bit redundant — "Lastly" and "final storm".
Otis was the second of two hurricanes to make landfall in the country this season. Above, you said six hurricanes made landfall in Mexico but now you say only two did. Clarification needed.
data from two cargo ships, the Androemda and Santa Maria, were helpful in locating Adrian's center of circulation Not important. You can say that data from that area indicated the location of Adrian's circulation at that time.
Remember in Dora's section that ships aren't all that important.
Probably a typo in the MWR or something: 105 mph (215 km/h) should have 165 km/h per the NOAA.
Remember what I said about the ships above for Greg's section too. ;)
Shortly thereafter, Greg moved into the CPHC's area of responsibility To clarify, you should add a link; if you do, it should be formatted like this (Central Pacific Hurricane Center (CPHC)) per the MoS.
After turning towards the west, Tropical Storm Hillary Typo, and you can just refer to it as "it".
For Jova, where was it when it formed?
Lidia killed at least 73 people[3] Refs should be after punctuation when possible; try to jiggle this around so you can put a comma there.