Talk:1966 Dayton race riot/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: GhostRiver (talk · contribs) 17:47, 15 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Hello! I'll be reviewing this article to help reduce the good article nomination backlog and to gain points in the WP:WIKICUP. Although quid pro quo is not required, if you fancy returning the favor, I have a list of articles in need of review here. — Ghost River 17:47, 15 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Good Article review progress box

Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV ()

3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant ()

Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

Infobox and lede

"Through the 1900s" → "Through the 20th century"
- Done.
The quote from the Dayton Daily News should be linked in the lede
- Done.
Link "drive-by" to drive-by shooting
- Done, slightly rephrased that section.
"it had been a white assailant" → "the assailant had been white"
- Done.
"either not reopening or relocating elsewhere" → "either relocating or remaining closed" (as an aside, "relocating elsewhere" is redundant, because one cannot relocate in the same place)
- Done.
"Additionally ... additional race riots" cut one for redundancy
- Done.
"former Dayton Mayor" → "former Dayton mayor"; "mayor" here is a descriptor more than a title
- Done.
"punished" should have a link to it for MOS:QUOTEPOV reasons
- Done.
"Dayton is among" → "Dayton remains among", as earlier para shows that this is ongoing and not new
- Done.

Background

I'd cut all of "was a period that" in the first sentence, as the verbiage is slightly redundant and would also eliminate some subject/verb tension
- Done.
More s/v issues with "Watts riots" (plural) "is regarded as one" (singular)
- Fixed.
"some white residents of Madison Township (a suburb of Dayton)" → "some white residence of the Madison Township suburb"
- Done.
Specify time zone for "3 a.m."
- Done.
Delink "bar" per MOS:OVERLINK
- Done.
"hospital and shortly thereafter died" → "hospital, where he died from his injuries"
- Done.
though it was unsure phrasing here makes it sound like you're referring to the singular eyewitness as an "it"
- Fixed.

Riot

Why did the investigation claim a drive-by was impossible?
- Unsure, source does not give a reason for the conclusion reached by the investigation and unfortunately doesn't give too much information on the investigation as a whole.
"rioters through projectiles" → "rioters threw projectiles"
- Fixed.

Aftermath

In the immediate aftermath of the rioting, one death and 30 injuries. Sentence fragment
- Fixed.
"on the total number" → "on the exact number" to reduce repetition
- Done.
Should you include current dollar values for those estimates?
- Done.
"to have had the National Guard called in" → "to result in the National Guard being called"
- Done.
Don't need to specify who C. J. McLin is, as he was mentioned earlier
Done.

References / Sources

Good

General comments

No images, thus those criteria cannot be assessed
No stability concerns in the revision history
Earwig score is inflated due to the direct quote, actual content looks good

Putting on hold for now. As always, feel free to ping me with questions, and please let me know when you're finished! — Ghost River 21:14, 20 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]

GhostRiver, just made some edits addressing your GA review here. Thanks for starting the review, and if you have any further questions, comments, or concerns, please reach out. Thanks, JJonahJackalope (talk) 22:33, 20 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for making those changes! Shame that the article doesn't mention why a drive-by shooting would be impossible, but if it's not out there, it can't be asked of you. Passing now. — Ghost River 22:06, 22 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]