Talk:1963 Indiana State Fairgrounds Coliseum gas explosion/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: GhostRiver (talk · contribs) 02:30, 1 January 2022 (UTC)
Hello! I'll be taking a look at this article for the January 2022 GAN backlog drive. If you haven't already signed up, please feel free to join in! Although QPQ is not retired, if you're feeling generous, I also have a list of GA nominations of my own right here.
Good Article review progress box
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Infobox and lede
[edit]- Per MOS:SEAOFBLUE, "indianapolis, Indiana" should be just one link, to the city, rather than separate links for city and state
- Done.
- Missing space between the first and second sentence of the lede
- Fixed.
- Specify ET in
Shortly after 11 p.m.
- Done.
- "area and caused a major explosion" → "area, causing a major explosion"
- Done.
- Link grand jury
- Done.
- "investigated the disaster" → "investigated the explosion" (reduce repetition of "Disaster" three times in one sentence)
- Done.
Background
[edit]- "more police officers than usual had been activated by the Indianapolis Police Department (IPD)" → "the Indianapolis Police Department (IPD) had activated more police officers than usual."
- Done.
- Very nitpicky - was it EST or EDT? Halloween typically still falls under daylight savings
- It seems from this source that the state of Indiana didn't observe daylight savings between 1949 and 2006.
- "and
byaround"- Done.
Explosion
[edit]- Good
Emergency response
[edit]- "that ambulances be sent to the scene."
- Done.
- "directly contacted the IPD" → "contacted the IPD directly"
- Done.
- "fireman" → "firefighter"
- Done.
- "radioed the Indianapolis Fire Chief (Arnold W. Phillips)" → "radioed Indianapolis Fire Chief Arnold W. Phillips"
- Done.
- I've never heard the phrase "county corner" - potential typo?
- Yeah, typo, should read "coroner", fixed.
Aftermath
[edit]Severity of the disaster
[edit]and this number rose to a total of approximately 81 fatalities.
I don't think this is adequately explained in conjunction with the initial explosion – somewhat vague with regards to whether 54 was the initial report and more were added, or if the other ~25 died from the additional explosion, etc.- Rephrased sentence to make it clear that the 27 people who later died did so as a result of their injuuries.
- "One of the people killed" → "Among the dead"
- Done.
- "As a result of the large number of fatalities, the explosion surpassed an 1869 boiler explosion that had killed 30 people to become the deadliest explosion in Indianapolis' history." → "The 1963 coliseum explosion became the deadliest in Indianapolis's history, passing an 1869 boiler explosion that had killed 30 people."
- Done.
Cause of the explosion
[edit]- "was a rusty one" → "had rusted"
- Done.
- Comma after "roused the suspicion of a manager"
Investigation and legal issues
[edit]- "Phillips' charges" → "Phillips's charges" per MOS:'S
- Done.
The coliseum
[edit]- Comma instead of colon after "its first post-accident event"
- Done.
References
[edit]- Very good
General comments
[edit]- Images are properly licensed and relevant
- No stability concerns in the revision history
- Copyvio score looks good.
Putting on hold to allow nominator to address comments. Feel free to ping me with questions, and please let me know when you're finished! — GhostRiver 16:10, 6 January 2022 (UTC)
- GhostRiver, just reaching out to say that I have made some changes to the article to address your comments raised here in the review. Thank you for starting this review, and if there are any further questions, comments, or concerns regarding the article, please reach out. -JJonahJackalope (talk) 15:57, 7 January 2022 (UTC)
- Looks good to me! I should have known the thing about Indiana and daylight savings, as that's from where my partner hails. In any case, passing now! — GhostRiver 16:05, 7 January 2022 (UTC)