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Talk:1953–54 Port Vale F.C. season/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Cloudz679 (talk · contribs) 18:56, 1 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

First up, the prose review..

Prose review (criterion 1)

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League

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  • that had finished second
  • Don Bould and Ron Fitzgerald returned
  • link half pint of Shandy (assuming that's what it refers to)
  • "the first and only time that the Football League season would start on a midweek date" ref?
  • "They rose to the top of the table by the third game of the season and remained at the summit until the end of the season." had risen, does table need clarification, "At the summit" seems a bit too much
  • The win over Barrow was also notable as three of the opposition eleven were brothers: Jack, Alan and Bert Keen.[11] Is there some hidden significance to this, e.g. was it the first time three brothers had played together in a league match?
  • "their first double of the season" what does double refer to here?
  • "with Jim Elsby standing in for Potts for the first team change in eight games" can you reword, it reads like "first team" change instead of the intended first "team change"
  • I think fivesome doesn't take a hyphen
  • "hit the woodwork" link woodwork?
  • "pounced on a spillage" jargon
  • "Vale were putting clear daylight between themselves and the chasing pack" very metaphorical, sounds like a direct quote
  • "bagged a hat-trick" jargon, link hat-trick in its first mention (above in the pre-season section)
  • £250 fine (a considerable sum for 1953). is there any way to give a modern-day equivalent?
  • link the first mention of penalty/penalty kick
  • "They finished their final seven league games having conceded just two goals." better something like "They conceded just two goals in their final seven league games."
  • "They also recorded a club record low of three league defeats" can you change the verb so it is not the same as the noun?
  • The last para contains they, their, they, they, their, they but no mention of the team by name.
  • "drove home the equaliser"
  • "pouncing on a rebound"
  • "On 12 September a defeat occurred, Gateshead winning by the odd goal at Redheugh Park" or Vale lost by a single goal at Redheugh Park against Gateshead on 12 September…
  • "picked up a swollen ankle"
  • "Sproson shot on 87 minutes" shot or goal?
  • "penalty-kick" or penalty kick?
  • "Vale threw away a two goal lead in the match" use plain English
  • "break the deadlock"
  • "returned to winning ways"
  • "Playing twelve games in thirty days throughout April, they remained unbeaten"
  • "bagging a hat-trick"

Cup

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  • First mention should be Vale/Port Vale, not simply "them"
  • ground out
  • "after their offer was rejected they offered to go higher" again can we have a different noun from the verb, if possible
  • brace should be replaced
  • "Ken Griffiths was unable to recover from a knee injury" ever, or for the match?
  • could you link "long-ball game"?
  • "Former "Valiant" star Ronnie Allen converted the resulting penalty." If Valiant is a nickname for Vale, perhaps it could be introduced earlier in the article.
  • "thanks to a then-record average attendance of 16,702." what kind of record, league, club?
  • "No players of note departed in the summer" which summer?
  • "In July the new stand at Vale Park was completed" which July?
  • another use of brace
  • "as soon as Albert Leake found the equaliser"
  • "Vale exploited the wings to get in numerous crosses to the box"
  • "Burslem" – it isn't clear that this is the location of Vale Park
  • "The odd goal from Leake – latching on to a Hayward knock-down from an Askey corner" odd goal and latching on should be reworded
  • "the match saw £20,086 in gate receipts heading Vale's way"

More later C679 18:59, 2 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Also adding here that "reserve" is not a position; all the other players mentioned in the lead have their playing position, why not use Tomkinson's?

References review (criterion 2)

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  • Link at reference 34 reports as a soft 404. This is quite a concern as it is the only online reference.
  • All other references are to offline sources. What makes Witan Books a reliable source? What about the author Jeff Kent, upon which almost the whole article is based?
  • The ISBN of 978-0-9926579-1-8 did not produce any results at the "book sources" page. Is this correct?

Broadness (criterion 3)

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The article covers the main aspects of the topic without going into unnecessary detail,other than the 57 amateur players mentioned in the first paragraph don't seem to be relevant to the 53/54 season.

Neutral (criterion 4)

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POV

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Please note that phrases like "Quite possibly the greatest season " and "a mere 26" are soaked in point of view. I'll happily take a look at the prose after this "review" has concluded, it looks like this review needs another pair of eyes. The Rambling Man (talk) 19:15, 2 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Cloudz679

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As I was coming to, there is some point-of-view material, which should be removed. Rewording should ensure that the facts are presented in a neutral manner, this is especially important in the lead. As well as the two things The Rambling Man mentioned above, also "controversial goal from a dubious penalty" should not be present, particularly in the absence of a neutral source.

Other POV-like phrases:

  • "coping adequately well"
  • "hard-fought goalless draw"
  • "One piece of bad news came"
  • "Good news off the field came"
  • "brilliant save"
  • "sold out on the first day, leaving thousands more disappointed."
  • "many would maintain that the challenge took place well outside of the box"

Stable (criterion 5)

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Article is stable.

Illustrations (criterion 6)

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No illustrations are present. Generic kit images are used which are not subject to copyright.

Overall

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Various prose issues, particularly jargon, idioms and point of view, are a major issue to be addressed before this article can be passed for Good Article status. Review on hold pending improvements. C679 12:48, 4 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Additional comments

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  • Comments for criterion 3 haven't been addressed.
  • From the lead: "their second season (fifth overall) back in the Third Division North." conflicting meaning, recommend "fifth season overall in the Third…"
  • "soon found himself at non-league Witton Albion." reword
  • "No players of note departed in the summer" no players left, or some players left?
  • "and after their offer was rejected they Cardiff stated they were prepared to go higher, but were again denied." poor grammar, also reword to clarify
  • Per WP:WORDS the following from the article should be reworded:
  • Greatly (2x)
  • notable (mentioned above, please reword per your comment on this review explaining why it was notable)
  • it was noted
I have dealt with these additional comments.--EchetusXe 13:40, 9 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
"table a higher bid" is still unsuitable. The rest of the article is in good shape. C679 21:19, 9 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
OK, changed that.--EchetusXe 22:46, 10 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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