Talk:1920 Dayton Triangles season/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Secret (talk · contribs) 05:00, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I'll be reviewing this article, along with a couple of others within a day or two. I reviewed several of Michael's articles in the past. Secret ^account 05:00, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I know sources from this era is hard to come by, and I'm familiar with Michael's work reviewing two of those season articles in the past, which is similar to this. I do see some concerns however compared to his other articles mainly on comprehensiveness and prose. Thanks Secret ^account 06:10, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

The first thing I noted was that the Triangles played several games less than some of the other teams of the league that season. Any reason why?
- There was no fixed number of games that needed to be played. Expanded on it a bit in the offseason section.
  —Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 23:06, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Can any content could be added about the Triangles preseason themselves, any major changes in management or ownership from the 1919 season to the 1920 season. Any new staff and players? If there is any more information that can be added reliably, do so.
- I'm looking but coming up a bit short. I'll do some more research, though.
  —Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 23:06, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - I've added some more about which players left, players that were gained, and the coaching staff.
    —Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 20:58, 12 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
As they apparently played a huge role in the formation of the league, can any information be added about what the club did to make it happen other than being on the meetings and inviting other clubs?
- I'll see what I can find.
  —Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 23:06, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - There is this article. Do you think anything from it can be used in the article?
    —Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 03:51, 13 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
~~Fix the Frank Bacon wikilink~~
- Fixed.
Why it is considered the first game in league history? Was it the time or day that they played?
- The day. Expanded it a bit.
  —Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 23:06, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"Crowd was excited"? Why, also is it really important how the crowd felt in a game unless something noteworthy happened.
- True. Removed it.
  —Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 23:06, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"Four consecutive run plays carried them to midfield.[12] Then, back Lou Partlow had a succession of runs which resulting in a touchdown" Don't start words with then, "Soon after, back sounds better also see the obvious grammar error in the later half of the sentence.
- I changed the "then" to "Soon after" and fixed the grammar error. Can I ask why then shouldn't be used?
  —Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 23:06, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
No other info for game three?
- Not really. I'll see if I can find something in the newspapers again.
  —Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 23:06, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
In the first quarter... In the second quarter... In the third quarter... does get a bit repetitive, change the words around a bit, some areas does need a good copyeditor as well as I see a few grammatical issues and I suck with grammar.
- Yeah, I'm not the best with grammar either. I'll have my roommate take a look at it.
  —Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 23:06, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"Guyon scored a 22-yard rushing touchdown during the corner, but the extra point sailed wide" Confused? What is "during the corner"? Wide left or right?
- Fixed.
  —Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 23:06, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"As a result, Bacon scored a rushing touchdown" After how many plays?
- Not sure. I'll re-look.
Some wikilinks in the Akron Pros would be nice Fritz Pollard is a Hall of Famer we know.
- Added wikilinks to the players.
  —Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 23:06, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Honestly most of the prose is just bland. I understand this is an encyclopedia and not a sports jargon class, but reactions from the games, key injuries, you know all that information that happens in a regular game. Most of the game summaries is "scored this touchdown", "threw a touchdown" I know sourcing is almost impossible from that era, but some extra info would be nice.
- That was my main concern. I'll do some digging and see what I can find.
  —Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 23:06, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Sportswriter Bruce Copeland compiled the 1920 All Pro team, however, no players from the Triangles made the list? Any reason why?
- Unknown why, but I did have players that made the second and third team.
  —Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 23:06, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Sourcing is reliable, see Talk:1920 Akron Pros season/GA1 for more explanation, no close paraphrasing concerns that I note, image is free.

I'll put this On hold for now. Thanks Secret ^account 06:10, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review, I'm at work right now, and I'll start working on these comments once I get home. Thanks again, Secret!
—Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 15:21, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
- I have addressed the comments; I'll get back to you later tonight.
  —Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 23:06, 11 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - About the sourcing, my main access to newspapers are Google News and The Library of Congress. I'm having trouble finding specific game accounts in the newspapers. Is this going to be a problem for the review? I know that the content is there somewhere, but trying to what that 'somewhere' can be difficult sometimes. Also, I will continue working on the prose.
    —Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 03:51, 13 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - Sorry for the late reply. Do you have any access to newspapers though your school archives? You might find some good information there. I'm close to passing it, but check first. Thanks Secret ^account 01:05, 19 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    - No problem, I actually had to attend a family emergency from Thursday until Monday, so I guess it kinda worked out for both of us. I'll check my school archives tonight and get some more c/e done.
      —Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 02:39, 19 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

My school archives do not have newspapers from 1920. I've checked my library's archive, but it was even worse. The only thing I can think of is for me to check Google Newspapers. There's no search, however.
—Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 20:41, 19 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, considering information from that era is nearly impossible, I'll pass the GA. If I find any sources that talk about the early formation of the league with some background info on the teams 1920 season, I will let you know. Thanks Secret ^account 01:06, 20 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]