Talk:1893–94 Small Heath F.C. season/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: Malleus Fatuorum 14:48, 7 July 2011 (UTC)
- Background
- "Newcomers included forwards Jack Lee, Charles Izon and Walter Jackson, all signed from local football in the West Midlands area". Is there a word missing after football? Clubs?
- Not sure that there is. "Local football" means football organised at a local level, as opposed to (and presumed to be of a lower standard than) that organised at a national level. If you think it's too jargon-y, I'll change it to "signed from non-league clubs in the WM area". "signed from locally organised football..." would be too clunky.
- I think it is a bit jargony, and I'd prefer something like "non-league clubs", but I'll leave it to you. Malleus Fatuorum 17:26, 13 July 2011 (UTC)
- Not sure that there is. "Local football" means football organised at a local level, as opposed to (and presumed to be of a lower standard than) that organised at a national level. If you think it's too jargon-y, I'll change it to "signed from non-league clubs in the WM area". "signed from locally organised football..." would be too clunky.
- September
- "Teddy Jolley took the place of Tom Bayley, who was one of several newcomers for the opposition ...". That doesn't seem to make sense. Wasn't Jolley playing for Small Heath, not the opposition?
- Turned it round. "Small Heath opened their second season in the Football League with a visit to Walsall, who were playing at Wednesbury because their new ground was not yet ready. Former Small Heath full-back Tom Bayley was one of several newcomers for the hosts, but their visitors had few changes in personnel. Teddy Jolley came in at full-back, ..."
- February
- "A collection in the hall raised cash and pledges to the value of £42 10s, and the appeal was to receive a 'liberal' response." What does "was to receive a liberal response" mean?
- "A collection in the hall raised cash and pledges to the value of £42 10s, and supporters contributed generously to the public appeal." What it's supposed to mean is that after the meeting, supporters heard about the chairman's appeal for funds and contributed generously. Please feel free to improve the wording.
- March
- "A decision was made not to play extra time, so the match would be replayed at Coventry Road." That's not at all clear. Why "would be" anyway?
- The scores were level after the normal 90 minutes, so the alternatives for determining which team progressed to the next round were a) stop at that point, and replay the match at the away team's ground; or b) play for an extra 30 minutes in the hope of finding a winner (and if the scores were still level, go to a replay). "Would be" comes of sticking to the source, which says "as it was decided not to play extra time the game will have to be replayed." I've reworded as "With the scores level, a decision was made not to play extra time, and the replay was arranged for two weeks later at Coventry Road."
- April
- "The Leicester Chronicle felt that Darwen would have "play up" to stand much chance against Small Heath". Should that be "would have to play up"?
- Indeed, and fixed.
- "... and pointed out that they were the only team in either division to have scored 100 goals during the season." That's a bit ambiguous. Is "they" referring to Small Heath or to Darwen?
- Small Heath, and fixed.
- References
- There are three dead links.[1]
- Don't know if it's something to do with the way the pages are generated, but the link checker tool often flags pages from that site as dead when they aren't. If you click the urls in the reflist, they work OK.
Thank you for the review and particularly for the detailed copyedit which was much appreciated. cheers, Struway2 (talk) 11:00, 10 July 2011 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.