Talk:1884 Navy Midshipmen football team/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Harrias (talk · contribs) 13:10, 11 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Generally this looks a pretty straightforward pass, and I could more or less do so without requesting any changes. That said, there are a few queries and tweaks I'd like to make!

I think it would be worth explaining how the College of New Jersey could have 8 national championships, and Yale four, in a ten-year period. From the source it looks like this is just because different sources named different teams champion, but it is a little confusing in the article.

I added a note at the bottom of the article.

"Navy would not field a football team in..." I'd prefer "The Navy..." but that might be a BRIT/AM variance thing.

Navy is actually the official team name and refers to the Academy rather than the United States Navy.

Sorry, I did work this out later in the article, but forgot to remove it from here! Harrias ^talk 20:17, 18 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]

You don't consistently use WP:ENDASHes in scores, sometimes using hyphens: I would suggest changing them all to endashes.

I believe I have corrected this.

Personally, I would link to Navy–Johns Hopkins football rivalry when you mention "the seven-year rivalry between the schools" (like so), rather than in the Season summary, where the blue links run into each other.

Changed.

"In the final season where the rivalry was the only game of the year, Navy defeated Johns Hopkins 9-6." A bit picky maybe, but this is slightly ambiguous, I'd tighten it to something like: "In what was the final season where the rivalry was the only game of the year, Navy defeated Johns Hopkins 9-6."

Changed as suggested.

"In the competition's first half.." Competition is an odd, if not incorrect, word to use to refer to a single game: the sentence would work just as well without it, the implication is clear.

Removed "competition".

"..from a Mr. Bonsall.." No need for "a".

Gone.

Could you provide a link for touchdown and safety, non-experts such as myself might have no idea what they are!

Linked all football terms (I believe).

"Navy returned the favor..." No encyclopedic language, stick with something plainer.

Changed.

In the postseason section, all the "would not be" can be replaced with "was not" and "did not" as appropriate to avoid redundancy. Similarly "would mark" can be "marked", "would finish" as "finished" and "would outscore" and "outscore".

Corrected all occurrences.

Referencing generally looks good, the single image used is appropriately referenced and suitable for the article. There is no evidence of close-paraphrasing or copyright violations from the few online sources. Once you clear up the pretty basic points above, we should be good! Harrias ^talk 13:10, 11 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for taking up the review. I believe I have fixed our clarified all of your concerns. - A Texas Historian (Talk to me) 03:29, 13 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Nice work, both on the article on the first place, and dealing with my concerns. An easy pass, well done. Harrias ^talk 20:17, 18 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]