Talk:1740 Batavia massacre/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Albacore (talk · contribs) 23:20, 24 October 2011 (UTC)

Will review shortly. Albacore (talk) 23:20, 24 October 2011 (UTC)

Good article, great read, very interesting. Some comments:

• The lead IMO goes into more detail than it should per WP:LEAD. Two paragraphs should concisely summarize the body.

• Wealthy Chinese of good community standing were also extorted, threatened with deportation by unscrupulous Dutch officials. Something doesn't sound right there, "unscrupulous" is close to a peacock term. Would suggest a reword.

• the Dutch sent 1,800 troops, as well as schutterij (militia) and eleven battalions of conscripts to stop the revolt. perhaps link "conscript"

• the Chinese were not allowed to light candles either, for fear that they would conspire against the Dutch. I don't follow... how is lighting candles conspiring against the Dutch?

• ; this was followed by a Dutch assault on Chinese settlements elsewhere in Jakarta, who burned as many houses as could be found and killed men, women and children. would prefer a more professional wording here, especially the "as many houses as could be found and killed men, women and children." part

• Setiono, Benny G. (2008) requires a language parameter

• Ultimately, only 3,000 Chinese around the city survived the extermination. again a more professional wording would be nice.

• This led to the Dutch being able to monitor the Chinese more easily. Chunky. Perhaps This allowed the Dutch to more easily monitor the Chinese.

• No accessdate on the Brit ref?

• Thanks for the review. I'm a little busy at the moment, but I should be able to fix it in a couple hours. Crisco 1492 (talk) 00:49, 26 October 2011 (UTC)

• Did some touch ups (visible here. Any feedback? Glad you liked the article. Crisco 1492 (talk) 02:45, 26 October 2011 (UTC)

Much more concise. Two comments on the lead:

• It was followed by an "open season" on ethnic Chinese throughout Java, which led to a two-year war between a joint army of ethnic I don't follow what an "open season" is. Is this an idiom for something?

• ... Valckenier called another meeting of the Council on 9 October; that same day as the meeting, other Batavian ethnic groups... Maybe "the same day" would flow better in place of "that same day as the meeting"

Will pass once these issues are resolved. Albacore (talk) 20:15, 26 October 2011 (UTC)

• Second one is done. I reworded the lead for the first one. "Open season" is idiomatic, referring to the period where animals can be hunted without repercussions. Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:07, 26 October 2011 (UTC)

Will pass. For future reference idioms should not be used as it's against Wikipedia:IDIOM. Best, Albacore (talk) 23:17, 26 October 2011 (UTC)

• Thanks for the input; I'll remember that. Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:49, 26 October 2011 (UTC)