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Talk:'03 Bonnie & Clyde/GA2

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GA Review

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Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Calvin999 (talk · contribs) 17:22, 15 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Outsider comment - I'm copy editing the article and am almost finished. I'll leave an update when I'm done so that you can start reviewing. Thanks. —WP:PENGUIN · [ TALK ] 17:41, 15 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
OKay. Calvin Watch n' Learn 17:43, 15 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Alright. Calvin and Jivesh, I've done my copy edit. There may be some rough patches that can be addressed during the review. Jivesh, please have a look at my edit summaries and "<!-- hidden comments -->" before anything. Sourcing and prose clarity may be an issue. Thanks. —WP:PENGUIN · [ TALK ] 18:15, 15 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I can't see any "<!-- hidden comments -->" in the article so I assume those points have been addressed? Calvin Watch n' Learn 13:33, 16 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
They have. But the year-end charts are being added. Jivesh1205 (Talk) 13:34, 16 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

What's happening here? There hasn't been any activity on this page for over a week and the review appears to be in limbo. —Andrewstalk 09:04, 29 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Info box

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  • Add {{Start date|2002|09|10}} template.
  • Add {{Duration|m=3|s=25}} template.

Lead

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  • "It is based on" → Not the correct saying here.
  • ""'03 Bonnie & Clyde" was received generally with favorable reviews by contemporary music critics" → Over complicated. Change to ""'03 Bonnie & Clyde" was generally well received by music critics" and link music critics :P
  • "their collaboration" → Isn't this the same as saying "the combination of Jay-Z's and Knowles' musical styles"? Seems a bit unneeded to me.
  • "and reached genrally the top 20 in other European territories." → "And reached generally"? It either did or it didn't. Omit "generally".
  • "It as nominated" → Typo.

Production and release

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  • "West told MTV News that Jay-Z had asked him on the telephone for a joint for him and Knowles:" → What does joint mean? It sounds like something to do with drugs.
  • I think you should use {{" '}} because it currently looks like a triple quotation mark. Do this article wide.
  • "Tensions arose during the conception of "'03 Bonnie & Clyde" over the sampling of "Me and My Girlfriend.[4] Senior Vice President of A&R Tina Davis commented on the issue, "We only had one day to clear the [Tupac Shakur] sample [from 'Me and my Girlfriend'] that was used on 03 Bonnie and Clyde' last year with Jay-Z and Beyoncé [Knowles]. We were back and forth with Afeni Shakur all day until we got the clearance. And then it's a hit."[4]" → You jump straight into this, I was confused in the first sentence over why.
  • "Their relationship was not made public until both artists would collaborate on "Crazy In Love" (2003) and "Déjà Vu" (2006).[1]" → "Their relationship was not made public until Jay-Z featured on Knowles' song's "Crazy In Love" (2003) and "Déjà Vu" (2006).[1]" and link Crazy in Love and Deja Vu.
  • "The latter's release also marked the debut of the solo career of Knowles, leaving Destiny's Child on hiatus.[2]" → Irrelevant. This is not about DC.

Composition

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  • "Ethan Brown of New York magazine noted that its patina of flamenco guitar was reminiscent of that in Jay-Z's 2001 collaboration with R. Kelly on "Fiesta."" → Could you try and put a comma somewhere? It's quite long.
  • "Knowles mimics the hook on the chorus as she sings, "Down to ride to the very end, me and my boyfriend"." → What do you mean? How do we know she mimics if we can't see her?

Critical reception

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  • "who commended the use of different samples, and commented on the relationship between Jay-Z and Knowles." → Repetitive

Chart performance

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  • "entered the top ten on music charts in six European countries." → Do you mean debuted? Or entered after a certain amount of time?
  • "it became the highest-charting single that references the famous bank robbers Bonnie and Clyde." → Source?
  • "tying him with rapper P. Diddy." → for...?

Music video

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  • Aston Martin needs a source. It's a brand.

Toni Braxton feud

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  • "and her camp" → Re-word.
  • "sent a statement" → Where? To Jay?
Fixed both. Jivesh1205 (Talk) 13:29, 29 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Formats and track listings

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Credits and personnel

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Oops. Removed. Jivesh1205 (Talk) 13:31, 29 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Charts and certifications

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References

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  • FN10 and FN17 have a double full stop (..)

Summary

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Only a few points to address, other than that, on hold. :) Aaron You Da One 13:30, 29 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Passed. Aaron You Da One 13:42, 29 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]