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Talk:'03 Bonnie & Clyde/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer:Legolas (talk2me) 07:04, 1 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox
Lead
Background
  • Issues arose during the song's conception due to the heavy inspiration of "Me and My Girlfriend" by rapper Tupac.[3] The song serves as the first public acknowledgement of Jay-Z's and Knowles' status. --> Please rephrase this totally, this is just bad prose.
  • Producer of the song Kanye West discussed how the track came to be while being interviewed for the Toni Braxton feud --> What feud? Clarity needed.
  • The whole quote that follows, is just unintelligible and gibberish, seeing its Kanye. Write it in your words and rephrase.
  • The song was released in competition with feuding rapper Nas who additionally released his first-single tittled "Made You Look" from his God's Son. That track pairs a retro-styled beat with equally classic and simplified rhymes as Nas tears into Jay, having MTV state that "With two first singles that could not be more different from each other, these two hip-hop powerhouses are looking toward the final showdown." --> Again, why is this relevant?
  • What is the importance of the quote box here?
  • The song was released as the official lead-single by Jay-Z's album The Blueprint²: The Gift & the Curse --> So the album released the single of its own?
Composition
  • The song sees songwriting duties by the song performer Shawn Carter, the song producer Kanye West and by the song's sampled material by Prince, Tupac Shakur, D. Harper, R. Rouse and Tyrone Wrice. The song seems to draw inspiration by previous 1996 hit "Me and My Girlfriend" by rapper Tupac[8] and "If I Was Your Girlfriend" by Prince.[9] --> Can you please, please rephrase this? What do you mean by songwriting duties? And seems to draw?
  • Replace single mention of Tupac with Shakur
  • The Kanye West-produced song --> We already know that its produced by West
  • "'03 Bonnie & Clyde" draws its main inspiration by the criminals Bonnie and Clyde, having male/female hip hop duos comparing themselves to a current day (at the time 2003) version of the famous criminal duo --> "'03 Bonnie & Clyde" draws its main inspiration from the criminals Bonnie and Clyde, having the lead singers comparing themselves to a present day version of the criminal duo.
  • Wikilink Carrie Bradshaw
  • Why not couple the WQhitney Houston reference with the Sex and the City one?
  • File:JayZ Bonnie&Clyde.ogg doesnot mention in its rationale what exactly it is portraying.
Reception
  • Please include the critics names wherever they are missing.
  • Game Axis is not reliable
  • Why italicize BET Awards?
  • Same for MTV
Charts
  • achats.us cannot be used.
  • Following through most of Europe ????
  • Can you please rephrase this whole section? Its just plain confusing and badly written.
Music video
  • Remove multiple usage of "the video"
  • allowing both artists to exchange audiences. --> You need to say who is saying all these, otherwise it sounds like WP:OR to me
  • The second para is unnecessary and poorly written
  • Again, please can you remove mentioning Shakur by his first name?
Toni para
  • I have nothing more to say other than copy-edit the whole thing.
Charts and certi
  • Change (2002/2003) to (2002–03)
  • Dont mention the word Billboard except for the Hot 100
  • Link the Finnish and Italian charts
  • You mention in the infobox that it is certified gold by RIANZ and Swiss, where are they?
References
  • Google books shouldnot have that , it should be formatted as per the Billboard links
  • Remove usage of Chartstats.
  • Each and every reference has to be formatted correcly using {{cite web}} and {{cite news}} template.

Disappointed is a lesser word to describe how much more work this article needs, I am giving the nominator just seven days to correct it, else it will fail. — Legolas (talk2me) 09:55, 1 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I am failing this article as per the request by the nominator, as he won't be able to fix it within the stipulated seven days. — Legolas (talk2me) 16:26, 3 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]