Jump to content

Talk:Dylan O'Donnell

Page contents not supported in other languages.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Draft talk:Dylan O'Donnell)

Educational project

[edit]

This page is part of an Educational Project by students of LIUC, Italy, with a course page at: https://outreachdashboard.wmflabs.org/courses/LIUC_-_Universit%C3%A0_Cattaneo/Digital_Technology_(Autumn_2022) The users of the group are new to the Wikipedia platform and are learning to edit following Wikipedia rules. They are open to any advice on improvements of the page in conformity to Wikipedia requirements and guidelines, and any help useful for the enhancement of the page will be gladly accepted. The student User names are:

  • LIUC.Camilla03
  • LIUC.Jacob03
  • LIUC.Jordi03
  • LIUC.Mariarosa03
  • LIUC.Dario03
  • LIUCLucrezia03
  • LIUCBeatrice3

Limelightangel (talk) 17:42, 16 November 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Public Domain images by O'Donnell

[edit]

WikiCommons includes some Public Domain images submitted by the author, including: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:The_Emus_Head_in_Aboriginal_Astronomy_Coalsack.jpg . These may be relevant to illustrating his work on the page. Limelightangel (talk) 18:51, 16 November 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox

[edit]

There are a range of different Infobox templates for pages on people, including a general one Template:Infobox_person, and ones for specific types of people e.g. Infobox scientist, used for Stephen_Hawking. There may other options. Have a look at: Wikipedia:List_of_infoboxes. You can see how it has been used on other pages about people by inspecting the markup (Edit) on these pages. It is not necessary to complete all the fields in this template. There are predefined rules for the content you can add to each field in the template. See the Infobox help at: Help:Infobox Limelightangel (talk) 12:01, 18 November 2022 (UTC)[reply]


Draft review, 21/11/22

[edit]
  • there is no draft content, no structure (section headings),no InfoBox, and no references

Limelightangel (talk) 10:32, 21 November 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Draft review, 26/11/22

[edit]
  • referencing: errors in references 14, 12, 15, 16 (don't link to commercial website; use External links); ref 8 (use cite web template correctly); etc.
  • external links section: understand what goes here, OR AS see Also links, and what is a numbered reference. See Wikipedia:External_links and similar pages. Do not include irrelevant and commercial links here e.g. to Google Partners'. There are duplicate external links to his YouTube channel. You can reference to YouTube, but understand the guidelines for this and other sources. See for example Wikipedia:Video_links
  • you will need to add See also section and Categories to your page - see similar pages, and use Help:Category
  • grammar & style: their are a large number of issues to correct and avoid. Use his surname, not hist first name; not 'kicked out'; not 'catholic'; not 'pacific'; not 'perfect place'; not 'in fact'; not 'we was studying'; not 'strong passion'; not 'specifically speaking'; not 'festival of Space'; not 'travelled alot'; not 'developed a love for them'; etc. See the help resources e.g. Wikipedia:Writing_better_articles. Note that this is not a blog or social media post, and where he and his wife go for their holidays is irrelevant, unless listed under personal interests, with an acceptable source. Factual information related to his life needs to be objectively presented and sourced as such.
  • 'Biography' may be the wrong word for this section - it has specific literary connotations - see similar pages for guidance.
  • The Gallery is a good approach. It now needs formatting properly in terms of layout. You can position and size these images how you wish. I think you can also add better captions for the images on the page, in addition to the text from the Wiki/Media files. Use the help resources.
  • Images: you need an image or two of the page subject, including one in the Infobox. Why not contact him? You could also do this to explain the project and ask him for sources/facts to add to the page, which are much needed. He could also review the page for you. I suggest you improve the grammar/style issues before you do this.
  • ISS lunar transit image: place this image next to the relevant text that mentions it
  • Awards: use bullet points and put the list in chronological order. Remove things like Google certifications - it's not his CV and millions have these.
  • linking out: you are missing obvious links out to existing pages e.g. Celestron, etc.

Limelightangel (talk) 14:03, 26 November 2022 (UTC)[reply]

New paragraphs in "Star Stuff" and "Biography"

[edit]

I tried to add some additional sentences to both "Star Stuff" and "Biography", as well as fixing a bit the grammar. Could you guys give me a feedback about it? LIUCLucrezia03 (talk) 15:39, 28 November 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your contribution and improvement to these two important topics.
The heading about "Star Stuff" is now more complete and understandable, as well as the grammar, which is now decisively better. On the other hand, the "Biography" paragraph needs to be improved by removing irrelevant information and replacing them with more notable ones. I suggest eliminating the part about the passion for the Pacific Islands that Dylan O'Donnell and his wife share, for example.
I hope my suggestions can be useful and I will keep on trying to contribute and improve the page. LIUC.Camilla03 (talk) 11:02, 1 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
I totally agree with you and I believe that some elements (like the part regarding his and his wife's passion for the Pacific Islands and the Maldives) aren't really relevant for its biography. I suggest we substitute them with more adequate information if possible. LIUCBeatrice3 (talk) 15:35, 4 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
That's why I think too. We should look for more relevant infotmation LIUCLucrezia03 (talk) 12:04, 5 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]


Message for Student editors

[edit]

Please advise your students to follow some of the basic rules outlined in the Manual of Style, especially those on bolding, duplicate links, and overlinked terms. They have also removed valid [citation needed] tags from statements without providing a source. I've been reverting quite a few of their edits over the past few hours and see that there's still hundreds that need to be checked for compliance. SounderBruce 10:41, 2 December 2022 (UTC) 


   Many thanks. I will reinforce this with them, be having meetings with them to review their recent work and the many issues. They have repeatedly had this advice but clearly need it emphasizing. Thanks for the feedback. Limelightangel (talk) 14:47, 2 December 2022 (UTC)


Thank you for the precious suggestions! my team and I will surely take note of your advice and follow it so that the page can become better. --LIUC.Camilla03 (talk) 16:48, 5 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Draft review, 03/12/22

[edit]
  • repeated feedback - extensive referencing issues: use cite web template correctly; errors in refs. 2 (no date, author); duplicate references (3 & 5; 13 & 14; 17 & 19); 6 (irrelevant); 7 (no date, date accessed, publisher); 8 (no publication date or publisher); 9 (error in template); 10 (no date accessed, date, publisher); 15; 21; etc.
  • repeated feedback: grammar issues e.g. 'with good rename'; etc.
  • repeated feedback: correct and avoid inappropriate style e.g 'even contact him'; 'thanks to'; 'great opportunity'; 'specialist in accurate'; 'moreover'; 'in addition'; 'going on with the years'; 'more precisely'; etc. Did he really 'discover Jupiter'? Do not just use his first name. See Manual of Style and Wikipedia:Writing_better_articles
  • repeated feedback: external links section: needs a better format and better use of this page element - see the help resources and/or similar pages e.g. External links. External links should not duplicate links in the text; they should avoid acronyms and be clear to users. The dominance of links to his own social media could be reduced and/or balanced with higher-level and less biased links for the page.
  • linking out: remove duplicate links e.g. to ESA
  • repetition e.g. to light pollution in Byron bay.
  • the Nat. Geo. article needs a reference.
  • content: there is no date of birth, either in the InfoBox or the Biography; spell out acronyms in section headers e.g. APODs. Be consistent: is it DNA Digital (External links) or DNA digital (section header)?

Limelightangel (talk) 12:13, 3 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Grammar and style issues

[edit]

I will write here the corrections that I have already looked at so that you can take a look to see if they're okey for you and so that we know where we need to focus more. I already made some corrections regarding the expressions 'even contact him', 'great opportunity', 'more precisely', 'discover Jupiter', 'thanks to', 'moreover', 'in addition' and added the last name everytime we used only his first name. LIUCBeatrice3 (talk) LIUC.Dario03 (talk)17, 5 December 2022 (UTC)

Thank you, Beatrice, now the page is becoming better!
I believe now the form and content are improving and becoming more appropriate and coherent with the Wikipedia guidelines. LIUC.Camilla03 (talk) 16:25, 5 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
I just changed the grammar and style of the draft page until the paragraph "DNA digital" (included). Let me know if it is fine or if it needs other improvements. I'll keep adjusting the other parts later on. LIUCLucrezia03 (talk) 18:07, 10 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Now I just finished updating the grammar and the style of the entire page. Therefore,I'd be glad if you could give me a feedback abot it. LIUCLucrezia03 (talk) 23:41, 11 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Life and Work Heading

[edit]

The page can be improved by adding more information about the life and work of Dylan O'Donnell. What is written is poor in content and form.

A very important thing that is missing on the page is the date and place of birth (but online is not present), we are waiting to know that directly from him because we (as a team) managed to contact him by e-mail.

I will try to keep on working on this heading by finding additional information that is notable enough. LIUC.Camilla03 (talk) 16:23, 5 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I totally agree. I think that we should also add more information in the "Astrophotography" section which is very poor of facts and details. LIUC.Mariarosa03 (talk) 21:04, 5 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
I just added a couple of sentences to the paragraph that you all are refering to. Tell me what you think about it. LIUCLucrezia03 (talk) 10:57, 6 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you, it's great.LIUC.Mariarosa03 (talk) 14:11, 6 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
I agree, it is better now! LIUC.Camilla03 (talk) 21:56, 6 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

References template

[edit]

Moreover, I noticed that our references are expressing the date of publication in different ways, therefore, I fell like we should agree on one template for them. Let's decide it under here and then proceed to change them as soon as possible. LIUCLucrezia03 (talk) 10:57, 6 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]


I noticed the same. For me, it is better if we write the date as: day (in number); month in words (October for example); year (in number). By doing so it is more understandable, in my opinion. Tell me if you agree with me so that we can change it as soon as possible. --LIUC.Camilla03 (talk) 14:16, 6 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I agree with Camilla. I think it's better to write the day and the year in number and the month in words. LIUC.Mariarosa03 (talk) 18:42, 6 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
I agree with you Camilla. As soon as the others agree we can change it! LIUC.Jordi03 (talk) 08:38, 7 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
I totally agree. The one that you proposed seems to be the clearer template, we should change them according to this! LIUCBeatrice3 (talk) 20:34, 9 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Astrophotography paragraph

[edit]

I transformed the list of the various telescopes used by O'Donnell into a table. Let me know what you think and if you have some suggestions to improve it. Maybe we can find more specific information about the telescopes and add more information. LIUC.Mariarosa03 (talk) 18:42, 6 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I saw it and I think that the table is more clear and more precise also visually than the previous list with bullet points.
About the "astrophotography" heading I still have some doubts. I'm not sure that only the table is enough. We have to keep on working on it! LIUC.Camilla03 (talk) 21:59, 6 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
The table is a very good addition to the topic but I still think that we need to add some more information and put more work on this topic as it is a bit poorer compared to the others. I can search for more information that could fit on this part and make it greater. LIUC.Jordi03 (talk) 08:36, 7 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Perfect, I will try to find new information too. LIUC.Mariarosa03 (talk) 16:51, 7 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Astrophotography and Life and Work headings

[edit]

I copied and pasted the content of the paragraph written below the table ("Astrophotography" heading) into "Life and work" heading. I just wanted to highlight the fact that I did it on purpose, it is not an error. I have some doubts about where it is better to cite the information... maybe it is more appropriate if we transfer it into "Life and Work" heading because it contains more relevant information on the topic than the other one.

Write me below your opinion about where It is better to locate the short paragraph, I'm uncertain.

If we decide that is better if we put it in "Life and work", we surely have to adjust the content and form of the heading. Additionally "Astrophotography" heading needs to be improved... only the table is not enough!

I encourage you to share your thoughts about this issue with me, I believe it is very important! LIUC.Camilla03 (talk) 22:14, 6 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I also issued this problem, and I believe to have a new paragraph that contains both of the informations is clearer. If the others agree, we should definitely put it on this "Life and Work" paragraph and the result will be outstanding. LIUC.Jordi03 (talk) 08:35, 7 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
I think that it's better to transfer the paragraph in "Life and Work" but we should definitely change the order of the information to make it clearer. Regarding the "Astrophotography" paragraph we can find other information to fill in. LIUC.Mariarosa03 (talk) 17:03, 7 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you for your feedback! I will do my best to improve the page. LIUC.Camilla03 (talk) 20:23, 7 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

"See also" heading

[edit]

I created a new heading titled "See also" and I added some links to other Wikipedia articles that I find relevant and coherent with the topic of the page.

For now, I added 6 links in a bullet point list.

Tell me if you are okay with the new heading and its content. Moreover, if you think that some links I added are not pertinent or you want to add some other information, of course, I'm open to critics and eventual changes. I suggest using the Talk page to discuss the topic. LIUC.Camilla03 (talk) 20:33, 7 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you Camilla. I think it's great. If I find other links I will add them. LIUC.Mariarosa03 (talk) 13:26, 8 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

"Life and Work" heading

[edit]

I changed the position of many sentences in the "Life and Work" section. I tried to place them in chronological order. Let me know what you think. I'm not sure about this section. Maybe we have to change the structure of some phrases. LIUC.Mariarosa03 (talk) 13:26, 8 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks Maria, it looks better than before now in chronological order. I agree with you that the structure is a bit obsolete, and if the others also agree, we can take a look into it. LIUC.Jordi03 (talk) 19:55, 8 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
I agree with LIUC.Jordi03. The fact that now the events are in chronological order is absolutely great. On the other hand, I think the structure is still not precise, as well as the content (which is poor) and the form (which is not correct).
I'm currently working on the "Astrophotography" heading, but I will try to improve also this one.
Thanks, LIUC. Mariarosa03 for improving the heading. LIUC.Camilla03 (talk) 08:40, 9 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

References

[edit]

I just updated all the references, and put them on the same format. Take a look at them and if there is any error just comment it and we can go on with it. If you prefer another structure, feel free to propose it! LIUC.Jordi03 (talk) 20:12, 8 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you LIUC.Jordi03.
I noticed that now the dates are all in the same format. I believe it's a pity that there is no author in some articles. In fact, by adding the author's name and surname the references will be better and more precise.
I believe that, where the author's name and surname are present, we have to choose a common format and use it when possible.
For example, in reference 2 I see "Marciniak, Catherine" and in the 13 "Samantha Turnbull". It is not precise, we absolutely have to fix it.
Let me know what you think about it. LIUC.Camilla03 (talk) 08:50, 9 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
I think we should use the format that wikipedia proposes. For instance, when we insert an "Automatic citation" we should look at how it is exopressed and then, use the same template for the others. Let me know if you all agree so we can proceed. LIUCLucrezia03 (talk) 09:45, 9 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
I agree with you, we should seek for the way wikipedia wants us to have the references correctly LIUC.Jordi03 (talk) 09:54, 9 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, but I believe that we have to choose a common format according to Wikipedia guidelines, of course. But as it is now, visually, is disorganized and without any criteria. LIUC.Camilla03 (talk) 12:53, 9 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Also, I tried to add another citation (the one which has currently the number "12") but I'm having some issues in using it.. Does anyone have any suggestions? I'd be glad if you will be able to help me. Thanks in advance. LIUCLucrezia03 (talk) 09:46, 9 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
In this case, the citation number 12 that you were trying to add is the same as the number 13, so we definitely have to avoid repeating it. We can use the first one to appear and then delete the another one to not have both of them repeated. LIUC.Jordi03 (talk) 09:54, 9 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you so much... I didn't notice it! Also, have a look at the number 11; it has some problems as well LIUCLucrezia03 (talk) 10:46, 9 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
I agree with Camilla regarding the issue of a common format for the references as, even if they are now much better than before, some minor differences can still be seen between them but can be easily corrected. I also wanted to inform you that I managed to correct the issue that we were having with reference 11! LIUCBeatrice3 (talk) 20:30, 9 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Perfect , thank you! LIUC.Camilla03 (talk) 22:07, 9 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Astrophotography

[edit]

I believe that astrophography part still looks very poor. What do you think about putting the pictures of the different telescopes used in this part? I think it would engage more and visually would improve the page. If not, if you have any suggestion we can discuss it. LIUC.Jordi03 (talk) 09:57, 9 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I think the same! I should have sent those pictures via email... have a look, so we can add them. Moreover, I added other products that Dylan uses under the table; tell me what you think about that paragraph and if we have to make any changes to it. LIUCLucrezia03 (talk) 10:13, 9 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
I think it looks good, and if we add the pictures, will be even better. LIUC.Jordi03 (talk) 10:25, 9 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Telescopes images

[edit]

I do not know who inserted the two images of telescopes in the "Astrophotography" heading, but they are not good there.

I mean, it's great to have pictures that support what is written in the heading, but we have to be careful.

We have to check if they are subject to copyright etc.

It seems that the two of them are not correct according to Wikipedia guidelines.

If you click on the images you can see that an error message appears and it reports the following sentence: "This media file is missing evidence of permission." "Unless this issue is resolved, the file will be deleted seven days after this tag was added and the uploader was notified on 9 December 2022".

Please be careful!! LIUC.Camilla03 (talk) 22:18, 9 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

zen10 paragraph

[edit]

I just wanted to let you know that I tried to improve and add content in the paragraph zen10 Australia. I look forward to hear your opinions about it, tell me if you think something seems wrong so that we can discuss it or improve it together! LIUCBeatrice3 (talk) 16:58, 11 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you Beatrice, it's looks great LIUC.Mariarosa03 (talk) 17:40, 11 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Now it looks definitely better! LIUC.Camilla03 (talk) 06:57, 12 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
[edit]

I saw that some images have been deleted from the Gallery. If you agree, I was thinking of adding two more photos of Dylan O'Donnell's works since there is some space in the last row. Let me know what you think.LIUC.Mariarosa03 (talk) 17:40, 11 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Yes, I think it is a great idea! LIUCBeatrice3 (talk) 22:12, 11 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
I also noticed the same thing. I believe that with two more images, the gallery heading will become better and also visually more compact and precise LIUC.Camilla03 (talk) 06:59, 12 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Deography paragraph

[edit]

I wanted to hear your opinions and feelings about the title of this heading, because honestly I don't know if it is the most proper one to choose. I tried to add content to this paragraph by explaining more in detail what Dylan O'Donnell's website (which is called deography)is and what it contains, but I also introduced that he has a YouTube channel as I finally found a reference that could be used for it. Let me know if you have any ideas so that we can discuss them together. LIUCBeatrice3 (talk) 23:31, 11 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Honestly, I do not think that 'Deograhy' is the right title for the paragraph. Additionally, I also believe we need to put it in a separate heading, rather than in the 'Projects' paragraph. Maybe it would be more appropriate if we will add what is written in 'Deography' in 'Life and Work'. Regarding the 'projects' heading, we also have to change the tile of this one. In fact, I believe that 'Projects' is too generic and does not represent so good its content. LIUC.Camilla03 (talk) 07:06, 12 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Categories

[edit]

An editor has left a message to one of us regarding the issue of "categories". He has said that we are not allowed to categorise our page as long as it is a "draft". In fact, categories can be added only after the submission. Therefore I kindly ask NOT TO ADD categories until our page is, eventually, submitted. The editor has even said that he will proceed in blocking the page if other edits of the kind mentioned above will be made. Thanks in advance. LIUCLucrezia03 (talk) 23:13, 11 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Advertisement(?)

[edit]

I created this section to discuss about a possible "advertisement" that is inserted in the page. In fact, the line "an example of how the webpage has been successful is when a client went from nothing to earning around $100,000 in a timespan of only a year" could be interpreted as an indirect publicity... what do you think about it? Should we keep it or not? Waiting for your feedback. Kindly, LIUCLucrezia03 (talk) 23:25, 11 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I agree with you, I'm scared that it will be seen as an advertisement or as not impartial...maybe it's better if we eliminate it. LIUCBeatrice3 (talk) 23:51, 11 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
I noticed that there are also other sentences that could seem misleading and in which there is something that could be seen as self-publicity.
It is easier on a page of a living person to make this mistake.. but we need to be careful.
Additionally, I personally think that the sentence that LIUCLucrezia03 wrote above, is absolutely to be deleted. LIUC.Camilla03 (talk) 07:14, 12 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
I agree with you. I think it's better to delete it. LIUC.Mariarosa03 (talk) 08:50, 12 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Draft review, 12/12/22

[edit]
  • repeated feedback: there are extensive and fundamental issues with style. See Wikipedia:Manual_of_Style#Vocabulary. It is overly subjective, vague, biased, promotional and contains many unnecessary words/phrases and incorrect tense. This is due to using unsuitable style from low quality secondary sources and not understanding the guidelines on writing style. For example: well known by fanatics of photography, Apart from this, recently, his greatest passions, real interest, his father surprised him, Shortly after that, A few years later, Taking advantage of that situation, he revived his love for science, Not long after this, As the years have gone by, on the other side of Australia, His passion for space and stargazing became so strong during those years, Speaking of the latter, was eventually on, More recently, recently graduated, For many years, that Dylan has reviewed, Other new products, was created from scratch, at the technical helm,to fully national, He managed to do it in 2008 and, after that, expand with DNA Digital, At that time, In 2010, the company has also acquired, one of the largest companies in the region, manages to help small businesses with difficulties, example of how the webpage has been successful is, and successful with customers throughout the Asian Pacific region, As a result of what started as, The latter regards a streetlight, Since this fact, he was looking forward to asking the local council, in the meantime, Eventually, Therefore, secured by Dylan, the success of the first festival, returned the following year, During his life, two separate occasions, He captured that shot, On this occasion, right before it transforms, aren't different, helped the photographer easily capture, the Public domain, (last updated November 2022), be seen and downloaded by everybody, a successful YouTube channel, People can get to know him and all his work, and contact him through social media links. , aimed at improving and developing websites according to its clients' target, audience, and content.[19]This agency is specialized in, Through regular reviews, the agency manages to improve customer engagement and sales, assuring its clients a good online performance for their businesses., By managing its clients's advertising budget and charging a fee for their services on a monthly basis, but without the obligation of a contract's duration, zen10 ensures increased returns on advertisement spending and brings new customers from around the web to its client's businesses. With data centers in Melbourne, Australia, and abroad, zen10 offers world-class website hosting services, etc.
  • issues with grammar e.g. 'there is less atmosphere between people and the different astronomical bodies'; 'making him earn more money'; 'His first working experience dates back to when he was at university.'; 'he simultaneously ideated and run a nationwide Internet Service Provider'; 'he started ideating in his bedroom'; 'public office company'; 'in which dark skies could be saved from the development of the countries.'; 'This personal necessity made him idealize a proposal to the community'; 'creating a stargazing scene and, to achieve that, reducing streetlights was compulsory.'; 'In 2018 also international guests attended'; 'the point where is closer to the orbit.'; 'located on the opposite part of the sky';' the moonlight hues aren't different from reality.'; etc.
  • Note the comment in the History:

curprev 22:04, 11 December 2022‎ Bearcat talk contribs‎ 22,437 bytes −135‎ DRAFT NO FUCKING CAT; this is the fifth time I've had to come in and pull this page out of categories it isn't allowed to be filed in, and if there's a sixth I will use editblocks and page locks to prevent there being a seventh. undothank

Add relevant categories if/when the page is accepted.

  • there is repetition e,g. related to light pollution in Byron Bay.
  • repeated feedback - references: issues with references 3 & 14, 6, 7, 15, 18, 20 & 21.

Limelightangel (talk) 11:14, 12 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

"Early life and education" and "Career" headings

[edit]

@LIUCBeatrice3 and I thought that the best solution to improve the previous "Life and work" heading was to split it into two parts, which we decided to name "Early life and education" and "Career".

In fact, this decision came from the fact that during our team calls, the majority of the members agreed that the inaccuracy of the heading's title "Life and Work", with respect to its content, was one of the aspects that needed to be improved on the draft page.

This seemed a better solution to us and a more reasonable one. As you can see, "Early life and education" is about the childhood, early life, and education of O'Donnell, whereas, "Career" reports important information and progresses in the working field.

On the other hand, in the previous "Life and Work" heading, the information about life, work, education, and career was all mixed together and the result was a disorganized heading.

Tell us if you agree with this division. If not, eventually, we are open to a discussion on the topic. LIUC.Camilla03 (talk) 23:02, 12 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Images

[edit]

I believe some images could be positioned in a better and more effective manner.

Some pictures inserted are good but arranged in a not-so-coherent position, concerning the heading with which are associated.

For example, there's an image of the observatory next to the "Early life and education" heading and I believe that will be more appropriate to put it with the other images of the same subject in the "Observatory" paragraph below.

I also think that maybe we can add further images, if proper ones, to support what is written in the draft.

LIUC.Camilla03 (talk) 23:16, 12 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Irrelevant content - Celestron

[edit]

The detailed table on Celestron equipment belongs on the Celestron page. It is not specifically about O'Donnell. You should just list the equipment he uses. I suggest you move the table to the Celestron page. Limelightangel (talk) 11:59, 13 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the suggestion, we will take a look at the Celestron page and try to add it there later on. LIUCBeatrice3 (talk) 14:39, 13 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Review 13/12/12

[edit]
  • Abbreviations should be spelled out in External links. Check the guidelines for this.
  • remove 'portfolio' from external link 'Dylan O'Donnell website (portfolio)'
  • the link 'Dylan O'Donnell website (portfolio)' does not currently work.
  • 'see also' could be less broad/generic and more relevant e.g. to other astrophotographers/astronomers. With the current approach, it could have a potentially huge list here of astronomy-related links. Many are not relevant as See also's for this page. See Wikipedia:Manual_of_Style/Layout#"See_also"_section.
  • 'APODs' acronym should be spelled out in full in the section heading. Check the guidelines.
  • inconsistency in format related to bold, italics and speech marks e.g. "DNA Digital", DNA Digital, DNA Digital, etc.
  • I have added an easily found date for the App Store launch to make the timing less vague.
  • Repeated feedback - Grammar issues e.g., 'he simultaneously created and run a nationwide Internet Service Provider (ISP)'; 'now a multiple-staffed, public office company'; 'photograph its deep space tracking station'; etc.
  • Repeated feedback - Style issues e.g., 'specifically'; 'he started ideating in his bedroom'; 'he was inspired to'; 'which was his childhood dream; etc.
  • Repeated feedback - promotional content e.g. 'All the images uploaded on his website can be seen and downloaded by everybody'. Delete this as it is already stated that they are public domain.
  • irrelevant sentence: 'where he deals with different topics in each of his videos'. Delete it, or add some examples.
  • missing date: it should be possible to find out when "it was published on the front page of National Geographic's website".
  • I have made 10 edits today related to grammar, relevance and style. The Star Stuff section has been re-written for clarity and the removal of duplicate content and over-linking, including the removal of the duplicate content and links: "with the presence of different professional speakers such as Dr. Alan Duffy, Dr. Karl, Dr. Katie, Dr. Fred Watson, and Dr. Duaine Harmacher,"
  • image captions: the two APODs images could have better captions and be more consistent with the other image captions in the Gallery.

Limelightangel (talk) 16:01, 13 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Good afternoon @Limelightangel,
Thank you for your review and the helpful suggestions you provided.
While I was working on the draft page and trying to improve and modify the elements you indicated above, I also repeatedly checked on the apparently not-working website (Dylan O'Donnell website) and I discovered that when I click on it, it works instead.
I also asked for feedback from my classmates, and they confirmed that the website is functional for them as well. Perhaps this was just a brief website glitch.
In any case, I'll keep it under control to prevent a potential problem. LIUC.Camilla03 (talk) 18:14, 13 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

"See also" section

[edit]

Considering what professor Walker has suggested (as well as the link to the Wikipedia's Manual) I feel like some links should be deleted. For instance, all the specific terms like "Nebula", "Galaxy", "Eclipse", "Constellation", "Star cluster" and perhaps also "Telescope" are, in my humble opinion, not relevant and should be cancelled. In addition, the section should be written in an alphabetical order. Waiting for your kind feedback. LIUCLucrezia03 (talk) 16:32, 13 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Yes, i agree, that sounds like a good suggestion. It is not required to have this section, and since most of the links in "see also" is already mentioned in the articles body, so we could possible delete this part. LIUC.Jacob03 (talk) 16:53, 13 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
For the "see also", we have not linked Astronomy, amateur astronomy, amateur astrophotgraphy, telescope and observatory earlier in the article body. The other ones are already linked and should be removed. Agree?
But i also think we should remove "Astronomy" as it is a bit to broad, the other ones i think are fine. LIUC.Jacob03 (talk) 17:30, 13 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
I agree with you. We should delate the ones that are already linked in the text. LIUC.Mariarosa03 (talk) 18:02, 13 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Yes I agree too, if we already linked them in the page we should delete them. LIUCBeatrice3 (talk) 19:16, 13 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]
correct. Limelightangel (talk) 22:37, 13 December 2022 (UTC)[reply]

More sources from Wikipedia:Requested_articles/Natural_sciences

[edit]

I removed him from the requested articles page since the article has been created. There were a couple sources included with his request that I transcribed here as not all of them have been used in the article. I haven't checked whether any of them are dead links.

One of his photos received attention by international media: - spiegel.de (Spiegel Online), - ingenieur.de, - dailymail.co.uk (Daily Mail), - krone.at (Kronen Zeitung), - zmescience.com, - northernstar.com.au (The Northern Star), - abc.net.au (ABC Online).

Articles about his work in general: - abc.net.au (ABC Online), - byronnews.com.au.

In a printed newspaper: - thesaturdaypaper.com.au (The Saturday Paper: "Shooting stars", Nov 19, 2016).

Organized an astronomy festival named "Star Stuff": - inspiringnsw.org.au (Inspiring Australia).

Ambassador page at Celestron: - celestron.com (list of all ambassadors).

Astronomical Pictures of the Day: - 2015-03-20, - 2015-07-31.

Guest contributor to Lifehacker Australia - (article 1, - article 2).

Featured author on photographingspace.com: - photographingspace.com (article list).

He is married and has two sons - (reference, 2018-02-16)

Sgubaldo (talk) 22:12, 27 December 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Dylan_O%27Donnell&oldid=1207774536"