Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/The boy Jones/archive1

The boy Jones (real name Edward Jones; 1824 – c. 1893 or 1896) was an English teenager who broke into Buckingham Palace several times between 1838 and 1841. He first broke into the palace when he was 14 but was caught; although he found with items he had stolen, he escaped a prison sentence. He broke into the palace again in December 1840, but was caught and sentenced to three months' hard labour. He was released in March 1841 and returned to the palace two weeks later. He was again caught, arrested and served another three months. He was coerced into the Royal Navy by the Thames Police and served between 1841 and 1847. He was caught burgling houses in August 1849 and was transported to one of the Australian penal colonies for ten years. He returned to England and was arrested for burglary in 1856 and served six months of hard labour. He returned to Australia and died, either in Perth, in the west of Australia in 1896, or in Bairnsdale in the east of Australia on Boxing Day 1893.

I must admit to finding the last sentence a bit tricky: particularly balancing what's certain and uncertain, and what's tightly tied into each version of events. Suggest something like "there are two accounts of his death. According to one, he died in Perth, in western Australia, in 1896; according to the other, he died in Bairnsdale in the east of Australia on Boxing Day 1893. UndercoverClassicist ^T·C 16:00, 9 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I'll try and work that in, but it's a tight character count for TFAs. - SchroCat (talk) 16:08, 9 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

"although he found with items he had stolen". Am I being really, really dense, or should there be a "was"? "he was found"? Tim O'Doherty (talk) 16:11, 9 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The boy Jones (Edward Jones; 7 April 1824 – 1893 or 1896) was an English thief who broke into Buckingham Palace several times between 1838 and 1841. He was first caught doing so when he was 14; although he was found with items he had stolen, he escaped a prison sentence. He broke into the palace again in December 1840, but was caught and sentenced to three months' hard labour. He was released in March 1841 and returned to the palace two weeks later, was arrested, and served another three months. He was coerced into the Royal Navy by the Thames Police and served between 1841 and 1847. He was caught burgling houses in August 1849 and was transported to an Australian penal colony for ten years. He returned to England and was arrested for burglary in 1856 and served six months of hard labour. He died in Australia, either in Perth in 1896 or in Bairnsdale, Victoria, on Boxing Day 1893. (Full article...)

1036 characters as is

Added "Full article" and "7 April"; it will run on his bicentennial. So now 1063 characters. Needs a trim. - Dank (push to talk) 05:04, 9 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thoughts for cutting, some better than others:

He first broke into the palace when he was 14 but was caught could be "he was first caught breaking into the palace when he was 14.
Could lose the Thames Police?
Simply and served another three months?
one of the Australian penal colonies: simply Australia?
Cut He returned to Australia and died as included in the following sentence?

UndercoverClassicist ^T·C 07:47, 9 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Done, more or less. Thanks. - Dank (push to talk) 21:19, 9 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I've made an additional, slightly bold edit for concision, reducing the repetition of "breaking into the palace". UndercoverClassicist ^T·C 21:38, 9 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Added "thief". - Dank (push to talk) 15:15, 12 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I've linked Royal Navy. UndercoverClassicist ^T·C 15:47, 12 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]