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Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Haflinger (horse)/archive1

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Comments by Sasata (talk) 03:34, 15 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • "shorter and more draft-like" link draft here rather than last paragraph of lead; maybe link packhorse too (same sentence)
  • "confederation of 22 national registries" link to breed registry?
  • "golden chestnut" needs hyphen
In this context, I don't think a hyphen fits...we don't hyphenate horse colors, blood bay, seal brown, dapple gray, etc... Montanabw(talk) 02:35, 14 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • link flaxen
  • "Flaxen" redirects to the article about the Flax plant. Can't find one on the color or the gene, so far... Montanabw(talk) 02:35, 14 November 2010 (UTC)Follow up': found Blond#Varieties, which describes the color, changed the link to that, but if you'd prefer it stay linked to chestnut horse color article, find with me.[reply]
  • "medium long" hyphen
  • "…rhythmic gaits that cover large amounts of ground." last part seems a bit inelegant … maybe "considerable distance" or something
  • Reworded to "naturally extended" - is this better?
  • link stud (I see it linked later in the second paragraph of History)
  • "An Italian stallion" sorry, I LOLed when I read this
  • "It is currently strongest in Italy," does "strongest" here mean most populous? --Yes -- MTBW
  • "Especially in the early years of the breed's history, some inbreeding was practiced, both by accident and design." Is it possible to "practice" something by accident?
  • "This served to further reinforce the dominant characteristics of the breed." use of "further" implies that was something else mentioned previously that reinforced the breed characteristics, but I don't see it
  • "These abandoned horses are believed to have been influenced by Oriental bloodlines, and may help explain the high percentage of Arabian blood seen in the Haflinger." How is a blood percentage determined? Is this a genetic test? Or is this the horse-talk way of saying the breed has physical characteristics commonly associated with Oriental bloodlines?
  • "A light type of mountain pony was first recorded" the type was light, or the pony was light?
  • "Whatever its origins the breed developed in a mountainous climate," think this needs a comma after "origins"
  • "well acclimated" hyphen
  • link Val Venosta
  • "with the aim of improving breeding procedures by pure-breeding and the establishment of a studbook and stallion registry." would this be better with the active voice, "and establishing…"
  • "…and give prize money for events." what events?
  • Changed to "breed shows".
  • "…also meant that many unregistered mares of Haflinger type were covered by registered stallions" I don't know what is meant by "covered by" in this context
  • It means "were mated by". Linked.
  • "The demand for pack horses and varying amounts of breed knowledge among purchasers" Purchasers wanted varying amounts of breed knowledge?
  • Meh. Reworded slightly. It's still a little awkward, but see what you think.
  • Agree, still a bit awkward. How about "The combination of a high demand for pack horses and variable amounts of breed knowledge of the purchasers led to the purchase of both high- and low-quality horses, which had mixed results on breed quality." Sasata (talk) 03:34, 15 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "many well known Bavarian studs" well-known
  • "Haflinger breeding had to be changed to create a horse that complied with modern needs." What were the modern needs after the war was over?
  • They were needed more as saddle horses and less as draft/war horses. Reworded a bit, did this fix it?
  • I tweaked it a bit more, as Hafs are probably driven as much as ridden, tried "recreational uses," but feel free to revert if that wasn't an improvement. 02:57, 14 November 2010 (UTC)~
  • "Around this same time,"
  • "Post-World War II Tyrol, as well as the breeding center at Zams, was under the control of American forces" was->were; as well as->including
  • Changed to including, but I'm not sure about the first part. Wouldn't you say "Tyrol was under the control...", not "Tyrol were under the control"?
  • link breed show
  • Linked earlier when I changed something else.
  • "buyers' commission" buyer's (?)
  • Changed to purchasing - easier all around.
  • "Southern Tyrol had no difficulty in selling its horses, as all of Italy was a market" not sure I understand what that last part means ... well okay maybe I do but it reads a bit odd to me.
  • link mechanization
  • Really? Isn't it kind of a common term?
  • "Horses are graded based on conformation, action, bone," what is "action", and how do they grade "bone"?
  • Action is gaits. Bone is based on how certain bones appear (or are measured) in comparison to the body - both too light of a frame or too stocky/coarse of a frame are penalized. Both terms linked.
  • the Haflinger website (Oklahoma State University, current ref #1) was last updated in 1996, shouldn't this be mentioned in the citation (i.e. as a publication date)?
  • why not mention the name of Prometea's cloned offspring?
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