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AH-56 Cheyenne

[edit]

User:Born2flie and myself rewrote this article in October and November. We would like to get an independent review from fresh sets of eyes. We want to improve it to A-class level. (A-class review will come later.) Thanks. -Fnlayson (talk) 03:31, 2 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Woody

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Overall, looking very good. I can't see that many issues with it. I saw a few things to note:

  • "Initial operating capability was planned for 1972 or possibly late 1970." Which was it? Why was there debate over the dates? Could that be expanded on?
  • "By the end of 1970, the Army funded work on TOW guidance..." Could this be rewritten to "By the end of 1970, the Army funded work on TOW missile guidance..." Non-mil people might not know what it is.
  • I think the see also section can be reduced, particularly the first three, which are already linked to in the text.
  • The pictures should generally be alternated per the WP:MOS. The third image should be left aligned per that logic, but be careful that it isn't under a section heading.
  • Prose is an issue. It doesn't flow in some places, and it is slightly confusing in some places. I suggest a copyeditor before you go for ACR and FAC.

Other than the prose, there are no major issues here. It looks very good. Well done, regards, Woody (talk) 20:30, 8 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I'll try to clarify what I can. I believe they planned for Initial operating capability in 1972 then tried to move it up to 1970 by rushing it. I thought TOW was explained before that. Won't hurt to add missiles though. -Fnlayson (talk) 20:37, 8 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
I checked, it was linked above, but by the time they get to the bottom, they will most likely have forgotten! Regards, Woody (talk) 20:40, 8 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Sorry, didn't see the earlier note. I should be able to give detailed examples tommorrow. Regards. Woody (talk) 22:36, 15 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Some examples. Generally a copyeditor who is not involved with the article works best and is usually recommended at FAC.

  • "The Director of Defense Research and Engineering (DDRE) agreed with the changes but required that the proposed program be reviewed and a determination be made of any improvements that could be made to the UH-1B in the interim." This doesn't seem to flow.
  • "AMC made a recommendation based on the study to narrow the competition to compound helicopters, as they were the only rotary-wing aircraft currently capable of approaching CDC's stated objectives." All seems to be written in military speak and not that accessible to the layman reader.
  • "Each company assembled proposals for the design in three configurations based on the QMDO and a revised RFP, which itself was based on a draft QMR." Again, a bit full of military wording and acronyms. Could this be reworded to avoid the use of acronyms?
  • "The final QMR was released on 17 December 1965. which included several changes including adding an aerial rocket subsystem." You have a full stop (period) after the date, you also have unneccessary repetition of "included."
  • "In all, fourteen requirements were added to what was in Lockheed's proposal." This seems choppy, perhaps: "In all, fourteen requirements were added on top of those in the Lockheed proposal."
  • In general, you need to link a few of the more technical phrases such as "ground effect:" Ground effect in aircraft perhaps? Either they are linked, or you explain them more in the text. If we look at this sentence: "During early flight tests, a rotor instability was discovered when the aircraft was flying in ground effect." To understand this, you need an above average knowledge of aircraft operations, which needs to be remedied.
Thanks. We tried to fix those examples and others. Will keep at it.. -Fnlayson (talk) 17:39, 23 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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