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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Promoted EyeSerenetalk 09:15, 19 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

James Bryant Conant

[edit]
Nominator(s): Hawkeye7 (talk)


James B. Conant was a chemist, educational administrator, government official and diplomat. What brings him here is his role as an administrator of the Manhattan Project Hawkeye7 (talk) 11:46, 12 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

Nikkimaria (talk) 13:55, 12 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review! Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:39, 12 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for your review! Hawkeye7 (talk) 11:30, 8 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Support, with minor comments below:

  • "The first part, supervised by Richards, was about "The Electrochemical Behavior of Liquid Sodium Amalgams"" - "concerned" vice "about"? Also, the MOS would allow a lower case "The" if you wanted it, to smooth the flow.
Subtly different parts of the MOS... I'd go out on a limb over Liquid Sodium Amalgams, but no number of barnstars would cause me to venture into the correct use of the definite article with music groups... :) Hchc2009 (talk) 16:47, 11 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for your review! Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:42, 10 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments. As always, feel free to revert my copyediting. Please check the edit summaries. - Dank (push to talk)

  • "A graduate of Harvard, which awarded him his Doctor of Philosophy degree in 1916": Graduating Harvard with a Doctor of Philosophy degree in 1916
  • "James Bryant Conant (March 26, 1893 – February 11, 1978) was a chemist, educational administrator, government official and diplomat. As the President of Harvard University he reformed it as a research institution. A graduate of Harvard ...": I understand you want to get the important stuff in first, but I'm not on board here. How about this? "James Bryant Conant (March 26, 1893 – February 11, 1978) was a chemist, a transformative president of Harvard University, and the first U.S. Ambassador to West Germany. Graduating Harvard ..."
  • "bomb, and, as part of the Interim Committee advised President Harry S. Truman to use atomic bombs on Japan.": needs a second comma after "Committee", but that's a lot of commas. How about this? "bomb, and was on the Interim Committee that advised President Harry S. Truman to use atomic bombs on Japan."
  • "After the war, he served on the influential General Advisory Committee (GAC) of the Atomic Energy Commission (AEC), and the Joint Research and Development Board (JRDC), which was established to coordinate defense research.": Here's one way to deal with the problem of "which was" in a compound object (considered redundant by some and necessary by others), namely: "After the war, he served on the Joint Research and Development Board (JRDC), established to coordinate defense research, and on the influential General Advisory Committee (GAC) of the Atomic Energy Commission (AEC)." Does that work here?
  • "during which time he oversaw": overseeing
  • "He then became the first United States Ambassador to West Germany, serving until 1957.": If you take my suggestion for the first sentence, you can get away with less here. - Dank (push to talk) 16:43, 11 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review! Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:53, 11 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • Support
    • No dab links [1] (no action required)
    • External links all check out [2] (no action required).
    • Images lack Alt Text so you might consider adding it [3] (suggestion only - not an ACR criteria).
    • The Citation Check Tool reveals no errors with reference consolidation (no action required).
    • Images are all PD and seem appropriate for article.
    • Is there a missing word here: "An incident took place during 1941 Harvard–Navy lacrosse game...", specifically would this work better: "An incident took place during the 1941 Harvard–Navy lacrosse game..." Anotherclown (talk) 04:23, 15 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page, such as the current discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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