Wikipedia:WikiProject Film/Peer review/Cool World

Cool World

For a film that I hate, this is a lot of work I've put forward. How are my efforts? I think there's a GA nomination here. (Ibaranoff24 23:34, 18 January 2007 (UTC))

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I'm short on time, so I'll just do what I can now and come back later.

• You have fair use rationales. Good.
• The cast section is really bothersome. You took it straight from IMDB, and it shows. Cut it down to the important characters, and then for the characters you left out of the plot give a short summary of who they are. (You should probably use "*" instead of ":".)
• Why are you linking to individual pages in external links? Who would really want to jump to page 3 of an article that they know nothing about?
  • Not my doing. (Ibaranoff24 05:55, 19 January 2007 (UTC))
    • I'm not trying to accuse you of anything, I just use "you" because it's tiresome to write "the article".--Supernumerary 05:09, 20 January 2007 (UTC)
• Incorporate the trivia. That is a red flag to any GA reviewer.
• Is the fan site link necessary?
• The cast section usually follows plot.
• Take some images from the character pages and put them in the plot section. (As a side note, I don't think these characters merit their own page as they are only characters in one poorly received movie.)
  • Again, the character pages, not my doing. The film has some fans and they did some early work on the page. I would have put in some info about the very few fans the film has, but I didn't, because I didn't want to get too much into original research there. (Ibaranoff24 05:55, 19 January 2007 (UTC))
  • Additionally, I found all of the images from the former character pages to be unusable. I added one newly-uploaded image from the official Bakshi website into the summary. (Ibaranoff24 06:36, 19 January 2007 (UTC))
• The lead is choppy. 4 very short paragraphs and one misplaced comma.
• The plot is usually written "... then John Doe (famous actor) opens the door to realize that his wife, Lorraine (famous actress) really is an axe murderer..." not "famous actor plays so-and-so". I see you switched later, go back and make the earlier ones conform.
  • I'll work on it. (Ibaranoff24 05:55, 19 January 2007 (UTC))
• Wikilink the actors in the plot.
• Infoboxes don't have commas or ampersands.
• Explain Cool World in the first paragraph of plot.
• Why are each of these words wikilinked "sexy blonde humanoid female doodle"? Maybe "humanoid" and "doodle", but I hope everyone knows what "female", "sexy", and "blonde" means (this is the internet afterall :P).
  • I have no idea. I did very little work on the plot. All of my work on the article was mainly concerned with the production of the film. (Ibaranoff24 05:55, 19 January 2007 (UTC))
• Two consecutive sentences open with "During his prison sentence" and "While in jail". Condense.
• Only wikilink doodle once.
• "Frank Harris, aided by his partner Nails the spider-like doodle, keeps a sharp eye on Holli and Deebs, but eventually Holli and Deebs have sex and Holli turns into a noid." Run-on.
• "Deebs and Holli head to Deebs's home dimension or universe, but the barrier between the Cool and real worlds has been thrown out of balance and Deebs and Holli repeatedly turn into clown-like doodles." Run-on.
• The conception section is one big quote. Not necessarily a bad thing, but the section is also called production, so you need to talk about budget, development time, animation problems, etc.
• Expand the response section with more views. Pick the three most major reviews and put them in there.
• Did this affect anyone's career? Especially Bakshi as this was his return.
  • I put in a paragraph about this at the end of the "response" section. I'm not totally happy with it, but it's fine for now. (Ibaranoff24 06:38, 19 January 2007 (UTC))
• That's all I can do in 20 minutes. I'll try to do more later.--Supernumerary 04:01, 19 January 2007 (UTC)

• Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, APR _t 00:47, 20 January 2007 (UTC)

My suggestions: "The film flashes forward to 1992, where we meet Jack Deebs"- in academic writing, "I", "we" and "you" are strongly discouraged and don't sound to good. The production section towards the end turns into Wikiquote; I understand your motives for quoting at length, but I'd surround it with a bit more prose. Cast section is bare and lacks prose- the production section contains some casting info, and I'd move that down there. CanadianCaesar Et tu, Brute? 05:42, 24 January 2007 (UTC)

Oops, one more note: since you didn't write the plot, have you checked it for ugly copyvios? CanadianCaesar Et tu, Brute? 05:49, 24 January 2007 (UTC)

Yeah, there's no problem there. (Ibaranoff24 15:32, 24 January 2007 (UTC))

The article is phat. CanadianCaesar Et tu, Brute? 23:44, 25 January 2007 (UTC)

Except now the images are cluttering the article. CanadianCaesar Et tu, Brute? 19:41, 6 February 2007 (UTC)

Reverted. Not my change; can't be held responsible. (Ibaranoff24 06:24, 7 February 2007 (UTC))