Wikipedia:Peer review/Patti Smith/archive1

Patti Smith

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"History" section in biography is small. --The Watusi (talk) 23:43, 14 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Semi-automated review

Please add {{persondata|PLEASE SEE [[WP:PDATA]]!}} along with the required parameters to the article - see Wikipedia:Persondata for more information.^[?] JS 08:26, 15 January 2008 (UTC)

Done --The Watusi (talk) 04:17, 16 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]

A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style. If you would find such a review helpful, please click here. Thanks, APR _t 03:41, 18 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]

4u1e's comments

Are the last two sentences of the first para of 'Early years' the right way round? She worked in a factory before or while at school?
"In 1967 she left New Jersey for good, moved to New York City and met photographer Robert Mapplethorpe while working at a book store." Suggest the sentence should break after "City", and merge the rest into the next sentence: she didn't move there with the express purpose of meeting him, surely?
The two music samples spread out of their box and overlap the text on my setup (Firefox v2 on Windows XP. 1280 x 1024 resolution).
"However, several of its songs, notably "Pissing in a River", have stood the test of time," You might need a stronger ref for this, or a re-word to simply state that she still performs them.
Ref 11 doesn't seem to support the text preceding it.
Is it necessary to repeat "Sonic" at Fred Smith's second appearance?
" Her son had a band called Back In Spades." This sentence doesn't seem to have any link to those before or after it, can a more suitable home be found for it?
What is CBGB?
"She took the stage at 9:30 p.m. (EDT) and closed for the night (and forever for the venue) at a few minutes after 1:00, after performing a medley of "Horses" and "Gloria", and finally her song "Elegie", while reading a list of punk rock musicians and advocates who had died in the previous years" Couple of things that confuse me here. Firstly, she was on for 3½ hours, but the sentence reads as if all she did in that time was a medley of Horses/Gloria/Elegie. Secondly, she performed Elegie while reading list of deceased punk musicians? If she wasn't singing, how was she performing?
Are the last two paras of 'Re-emergence' too long in relation to the coverage of the rest of her career? Particularly in the last para, a lot of space is given to a single performance.
"All the other inductees to the Hall that night joined: Sammy Hagar and Mike Anthony of Van Halen, the Ronettes, Grandmaster Flash and Furious Five and R.E.M. including Bill Berry on drums." This doesn't make sense. What is meant?
'Current events': reads like an advert. Can the tone be neutralised a bit?
"Smith has been an active supporter of the Green Party" Is she still a supporter? If so suggest: "Smith is a long-time supporter of the Green Party."
In general a good, informative article, which could be improved by some tightening up on referencing, and more precise use of words. Well, that's what I think, anyway. Cheers. 4u1e (talk) 18:21, 13 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Yannismarou

"Smith is perhaps most widely known for the song "Because the Night". I am not sure if "perhaps" here should be used.
Three paragraphs in the lead, and the first first one stubby. Why not just two concise paragraphs?
"She was influential in the birth of the punk movement with her 1975". You could link some music years: 1975.
We do not know the names of her parents?
"In 1988 she released album Dream of Life. In 1994 Fred Smith died. Shortly afterward ... " A bit choppy IMO.
"She toured briefly with Bob Dylan in December 1995". Month-year not linked - month-year-date linked. Single years are only linked in special chronologies, such as x year in music. But here ("From March 28 to June 22, 2008 the Fondation Cartier"), where you should link, you don't! Read WP:MoS.

I enjoyed reading the article. Maybe some further expansion with more assessments of her music and style throughout the article would help.--Yannismarou (talk) 17:29, 18 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]