Wikipedia:Peer review/Vengeance (2009 film)/archive1

Vengeance (2009 film)

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for July 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I feel that it follows the producing and theatrical stages of the film. What is needed for this article is a full synopsis of the film.

Thanks, FrankRizzo2006 (talk) 04:13, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments: First part of review. I have read the first sections of the article and have made some detailed comments, as listed below. The main weakness, as compared with other film articles, is the inadequacy of the Plot section.

• Lead
  • Suggest link ensemble cast
  • The description "French" is meant to cover both Hallyday and Testud, but does not obviously do so. Is it possible to clarify this? I have tried a few rewordings, e.g. "...the French duo of musician Johnny Hallyday and actress Sylvie Testud..." but I don't know if that cuts the mustard.
  • The word "along" in the last line of first paragraph is unnecessary
  • "...and her family..." It's basically his family; how about "and the rest of his family..."?
  • "ARP co-founders and French producers Michèle and Laurent Pétin first came up with the idea of having Johnnie To produce an English-language film with actor Alain Delon in mind for the lead role." Shouldn't that be "direct" rather than "produce"? In any case this is a clumsily worded sentence which really needs completely rephrasing. I suggest: "The idea of Johnnie To directing an English-language film originated with the ARP co-founders and French producers Michèle and Laurent Pétin, who had Alain Delon in mind for the lead role."
  • Avoid "eventually" repeat in third line, second paragraph.
  • "...with the crew consisting mostly of a Hong Kong production team." This reads oddly. Don't "crew" and "production team" amount to the same thing? If so, why not say "with a crew mainly based in Hong Kong."?
  • "positive, critical reaction": I would make this "positive critical reception", without the comma (which you should drop even if you keep your original wording.
• Plot: this very brief sketch does not amount to a summary of the plot. I would expect this to be expanded to around 400-500 words at least.
• Cast and characters: Why is "George Fung" described as the film's protaganist, i.e. main character? From the very brief plot details this doesn't seem to be the case.
• Production
  • First paragraph needs rewording. "...co-production, jointly produced" is saying the same thing twice. Later in the paragraph you go on to say that the film was "co-produced by Laurent and Michéle Pétin.", when you have just described it as a co-production of ARP and MilkyWay image.
  • "contributors to...", not "contributors of"
• Development
  • "At the time" is a redundancy. In the same sentence, so is "already" and so is "such as"

• • Second paragraph, first sentence: Why "also", why "of sorts"? In fact, you could lose this whole first sentence.

Perhaps you would respond to these points. As I can't watch all my peer reviews, please ping my talkpage when you are ready for me to continue the review. Brianboulton (talk) 20:47, 12 July 2009 (UTC)