Wikipedia:Peer review/Unification of Germany/archive2

Unification of Germany

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for May 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because…it has undergone a major rewrite to accommodate discussion history. In particular, I'd like to know points where it needs clarification or expansion, and other material that should be included. Ideally, I'd like it to be an "A" of some kind.

Thanks, --20:32, 19 May 2009 (UTC)Auntieruth55 (talk)

Some comments from casliber

ok, I know very little about the subject, but I will jot some ideas here: Casliber (talk · contribs) 11:19, 23 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

*there remained in the German states an overarching and commonly experienced linguistic, cultural and legal tradition further enhanced by the experience of German speaking Europe in the French Revolutionary and Napoleonic Wars. - badly worded - took me three goes at reading it to figure out what it was saying..and should be simple (?)

simplified --Auntieruth55 (talk) 01:45, 27 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

~~Avoid bullets in lead. Just make a para~~

done.

* Before 1806, the German lands... "German-speaking?"

reworded the whole sentence so that "German-speaking" doesn't appear twice. --Auntieruth55 (talk) 01:45, 27 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Their governance also differed in type --> should be a smoother alternative but none readily springs to mind.

how about: Their governance varied: they included free imperial cities such as Nuremberg, ecclesiastical territories such as the Abbey of Reichenau, and dynastic states like the Württemberg. ?? --Auntieruth55 (talk) 02:01, 27 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

*A common language may serve as the basis of a nation, but it takes more than language to unify several hundred polities. - sounds speculative, like an essay.

not sure what to do here. This sentence is the essence of what Fichte said (in the quote above it). I've created a compound sentence with the one following (experience of German-speaking people during the years of French hegemony...)(see below), to create a less essay-like topic sentence. --Auntieruth55 (talk) 01:58, 27 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The experience of German-speaking Central Europe during the years of French hegemony contributed to a sense of common cause. - expand and explain here, people seeing themselves as German rather than Prussian or belonging to a city-state etc.

That isn't what I meant at all. I've reworded the sentence, would you see if it makes sense now? --Auntieruth55 (talk) 01:58, 27 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

*Despite the nomenclature of "Diet" and "Assembly," this institution should in no way be construed as a broadly, or popularly, elected group of representatives. --> "Despite the nomenclature of "Diet" and "Assembly," this institution in no way resembled a broadly, or popularly, elected group of representatives." fact, not speculation. Might want to elaborate here too.

"Despite the nomenclature of "Diet" and "Assembly", this institution should in no way be construed as a broadly, or popularly, elected group of representatives. Many of the states did not have constitutions, and those that did, such as the Duchy of Baden, based suffrage on strict property requirements which effectively limited suffrage to a small portion of the male population." (plus citation)--Auntieruth55 (talk) 01:58, 27 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

*The Austrian statesman, Metternich... - First mention should have his first name

ummmmm, the sentence before does have the full reference, and the link to the Wikipage.... And yes you're right, the first mention should.--Auntieruth55 (talk) 01:58, 27 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I have read till The Vormärz and the 19th century liberal movement (note to self) back later. Casliber (talk · contribs) 11:37, 23 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

thank you SOOOO much!--Auntieruth55 (talk) 01:58, 27 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

This is heavy going for me; first bit looks much better now, but I am unfamiliar with this area (modern history, political theory, and sociology). Have read to Austro-Prussian War. More questions later. Interesting as I had no idea why Germany and Austria were separate....Casliber (talk · contribs) 06:52, 27 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]