Wikipedia:Peer review/List of Earl Cain chapters/archive1

List of Earl Cain chapters

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I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to nominate it for featured list status sometime soon and would like to know how it can be improved on. The plot summaries will probably need the most help since it is one of the author's longer and more confusing series. Thanks, Kaguya-chan (talk) 21:43, 30 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: You seem to have the basic stuff here, although I'm completely unfamiliar with Earl Cain. I do indeed have trouble following the plot, but I get the general idea. I see no problems with dabs, links, date formatting, or alt text, and the general format seems to conform to what I see in similar lists that are featured; e.g., List of Black Lagoon episodes. Here are a few other suggestions or comments:

Rather than "The Cain Saga", I would consider shortening this subhead to "Saga" to avoid repeating the main words of the title.

Forgotten Juliet

"Cain later accuses the older brother of his deceased friend of murder... ". - Should this be "a" deceased friend? The friend does not seem to be someone mentioned before this sentence.

The Sound of a Boy Hatching

"where they abused and drugged children for amusement" - Could "they" be made more specific?
"Cain then takes revenge on his relative and a maid who killed an orphan boy they thought was him to cover up their thefts." - Which relative? Any of the relatives mentioned thus far, or is this a different relative? Also, "him" is a bit ambiguous; should "him" be replaced by "Cain"?
"Cain dreams of his birth and how his mother — his father's elder sister — never wanted him." - Em dashes should be unspaced.
"Waking up, he discovers that he was mysteriously poisoned and decides to go to the countryside with Riff, Mary, and Ancel Allen the family doctor, go to the countryside." - Doesn't make sense as written.
"After confronting Justine, Cain discovers that she has a split personality and believes she is the vampire." - Does this mean that she believes she is the vampire, or that Cain believes she is the vampire?
"A vampire hunting mob... " - Needs a hyphen, "vampire-hunting mob" since it's being used as an adjective.
"In exchange for the Hargreaves officially adopting Mary, Cain becomes engaged to Emeline Lauderdale, a haughty aristocrat whose brother, Gilford, who went insane after witnessing a "red ram"." - Doesn't make sense as written.

I hope these few comments are helpful. Finetooth (talk) 04:30, 7 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for another wonderfully helpful review. I have fixed it according to your suggestions. Kaguya-chan (talk) 22:42, 7 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]