Wikipedia:Peer review/Horse/archive1

Horse

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for January 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I'm listing this article for peer review because it passed a GA review a few months ago and has been somewhat languishing since then. We would like to take this article to FA at some point, and so any help towards that would be greatly appreciated. This is a long article that is trying to be an overview of an animal with a long history of interaction with humans, and is one of Wikipedia's vital articles, so we'd like it to be the best that it can be!

Thanks, Dana boomer (talk) 23:39, 17 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Quick comment: Avoid sandwiching text between images per MOS:IMAGES. Shubinator (talk) 23:56, 18 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: This article is truly impressive, and I congratulate you. I have a few suggestions for improvement. Because the article is already so good, they are largely nit-picky and shouldn't give you much trouble.

Age

"a male horse which has an undescended testicle" - "that" rather than "which"
"both Thoroughbred racing and harness racing defines" - "both ... define"

Size

"The English-speaking world measures the height of horses in hands, abbreviated "h" or "hh," for "hands high," measured at the highest point of an animal's withers, where the neck meets the back, chosen as a stable point of the anatomy, unlike the head or neck, which move up and down; one hand is 4 inches (10 cm)." - Too complex. Suggestion: "The English-speaking world measures the height of horses in hands, abbreviated "h" or "hh", for "hands high", at the highest point of an animal's withers, where the neck meets the back. This is a stable point of the anatomy, unlike the head or neck, which move up and down. One hand is 4 inches (10 cm)." Commas go outside the quotation marks after "hh", and "hands high".

Colors and markings

"Horses which are light in color are often misnamed as being "white" horses." - "That" rather than "which". Delete "as being".

Hooves

General question: What happens to the untrimmed hooves of wild horses? Do growth and wear-and-tear reach equilibrium at any particular size?

Teeth

"The incisors show a distinct wear and growth pattern as the horse ages, as well as change in the angle at which the chewing surfaces meet." - Slightly awkward. Suggestion: "As the horse ages, the incisors show a distinct wear and growth pattern as well as a change in the angle at which the chewing surfaces meet."

Digestion

"Horses are not ruminants, so they have only one stomach, like humans, but unlike humans, they can also digest cellulose from grasses due to the presence of a "hind gut" called the cecum, or "water gut," which food goes through before reaching the large intestine." - Too complex. Suggestion: "Horses are not ruminants. Like humans, they have only one stomach, but unlike humans they can digest cellulose from grasses because they have a "hind gut", the cecum or "water gut", through which food passes before reaching the large intestine."

Senses

"The horse's senses" - "A" rather than "the"
"with approximately 65° of this being binocular" - Suggestion: "of which approximately 65° is binocular"

Temperament

"producing a riding horse with more refinement than a draft horse, but greater size and more phlegmatic temperament than a lighter breed." - Remove the comma.
"Prior to that time," - Suggestion: "Before that,"

The "Four Foundations" theory

Remove "The" from the head per MoS. Suggestion: Four foundations theory with a lowercase "f" and no quotations marks
"the "Four Foundations" theory - It's uppercase here but lowercase later. I incline toward lowercase.
Wikilink DNA and spell out on first use: deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA).
"The "Tarpan" subspecies: dun-colored, sturdy animal" - Insert "a" before "dun-colored".

Wild species

"subspecies which has no ancestors" - Suggestion: "subspecies with no ancestors"
"in the wild due to the conservation efforts" - Suggestion: "in the wild through the conservation efforts"

Origin of breeds

"Other horse breeds developed specifically" - Suggestion: "were developed specifically"

Purebreds and registries

"at the present time most mainstream breed registries" - Better would be "as of 2009... ".

Sport

"held around the world as venues in which horses are competed, exhibited and sold." - "Are competed" seems strange. Suggestion: "held around the world as venues in which horses compete and are exhibited and sold".
"well as "In-hand" classes" - Lowercase "i"
"There are three types: "flat" racing; steeplechasing, i.e. racing over jumps; and harness racing, where horses trot or pace while pulling a driver in a small, light cart known as a sulky" - Suggestion: "... 'flat' racing, steeplechasing (racing over jumps), and harness racing... "

Work

"In agriculture, less use of fossil fuels and increased environmental conservation can be seen over time with the use of draft animals such as horses" - "Environmental conservation" is vague. Might they be better because they do less damage to the soil than heavy machines? Or something else?

Products

Suggestion: Merge the orphan paragraph that starts this section with the one below it.
"(pregnant mares' urine). - The odd bolding should be removed per the MoS. Instead, I'd suggest adding an explanatory sentence: The word 'Premarin' consists of letters taken from the phrase "pregnant mare's urine"; that is, "pre", "mar", "in".
"in the United States Congress which would end export" - Suggestion: "in the United States Congress to end export"

Images

Licensing. All the licenses look OK to me except for one that I can't be sure of. The licensing and description page for the lead image in the infobox links to a source that goes into a maze that I was not able to sort out. It may be fine, but it would be good to be certain before going to FAC.
Placement. The MoS says, "Do not place left-aligned images directly below a subsection-level heading (=== or lower), as this sometimes disconnects the heading from the text that follows it. This can often be avoided by shifting left-aligned images down a paragraph or two." I see two that will need to be moved in the "Teeth" and "Movement" sections. In addition, the "free-roaming mustangs" would look better if on the left so that the horses are running into the page. It might be OK to move it to the left because the "main article" line shields it from the "Feral populations" head.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 22:29, 22 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]