Wikipedia:Peer review/Harry McNish/archive1

Harry McNish

I've gradually gleaned facts about the carpenter of the Endurance from various sources over the last few months and I this article is now an interesting view of the expedition from a different perspective. I'm thinking of putting it forward to FAC shortly, so any suggestions for improvements welcome. Yomangani ^talk 15:13, 19 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Trebor

Seems very good in general. My thoughts:

He died in 1930 - already known from the dates after his name so no need to repeat. Perhaps could be kept with additional information (cause of death or similar) if there's anything relevant. Otherwise it could be cut, but you'd need to rebalance the paragraphs in the lead.
"Note a" isn't working - I'm not familiar with notes, or else I would fix.
by which time he had already met Agnes Martindale... - from there until the end of the pagagraph is confusing. It's not clear to me who Agnes Martindale is, or the connection she had to McNish.
but McNish is also seen widely - perhaps "used" would be better.

My only other comment would be that sometimes it seems to go into too much detail when describing what he built. It's just a personal opinion, but I felt the article drags slightly in a couple of places, (for instance the section beginning McNish used the mast of another of the boats...) compared to the story. It's probably just me being strange, so I wouldn't worry about it; this should stand a good chance at FAC. Trebor 21:19, 21 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for looking it over. I've hopefully fixed most of the issues you had with it, apart from the detail on his work. I focused on that to avoid rewriting the Imperial Trans-Antarctic Expedition article, and I think that demonstrates that he could basically build you a ship from a box of matches and a rubber band. Yomangani ^talk 09:54, 22 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Yeah, I suppose that makes sense. Gave it another read through and noticed a few more things

"Note c" isn't working either.
The link on ref 7 isn't coming up properly for me.
This is a query: does reference 19 cover the he was experienced enough to know when to stop trying as well as the rescuing of the provisions. If not, it probably needs a cite.

It's looking very good. I particularly enjoyed the phrase The mood on board was buoyant - probably a good mood to have on a boat :-D Trebor 17:35, 22 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Fixed the note, and put a new url in for ref 7. That cite does cover that information (I'll double it up if anybody else has a concern, but I'll leave it as it is for now). I had second thoughts about the "buoyancy" of the mood, but in the end I decided it could probably stand one minor pun. Thanks again for looking it over. I've listed it at FAC now. Yomangani ^talk 17:52, 22 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, APR _t 21:40, 21 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks automaton, you picked up at least one point. Yomangani ^talk 17:52, 22 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]