Wikipedia:Peer review/Drizzt Do'Urden/archive1
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for January 2009.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to take this to FAC and I want to be as close as possible to passing when I get there.
Thanks, Peregrine Fisher (talk) (contribs) 20:39, 24 January 2009 (UTC)
- Thanks - I addressed those items. If there are any human reviewers able to give a more thorough review, it would be much appreciated as we are hoping to take this to FAC. :) BOZ (talk) 16:06, 25 January 2009 (UTC)
Finetooth comments: Here are a few suggestions, mainly about relatively small prose issues:
Lead
- "A number of the novels" - Give the specific number, if possible.
- "featured in some" - Delete "some".
Concept and creation
- "Salvatore uses Drizzt to represent issues of racial prejudice... " - Suggestion: "present" or "introduce" rather than "represent".
- "Drizzt is concerned that if he and his love Cattie-Brie (a human) have children, their offspring would face hostility from both races" - "will" rather than "would"
- "managing editor of TSR's book department" - Spell out with abbreviation in parentheses on first use, like this: Tactical Studies Rules (TSR).
- "under pressure to create a sidekick" - Wikilink sidekick.
- "Although many readers have assumed that Drizzt is based on one of the many Dungeons & Dragons role-playing campaigns that the author has played, this is not the case." - Needs a verifiable source. How is it known what "many readers have assumed"?
- "role-playing campaigns that the author has played" - Repetition of "play". Maybe something like "from the author's on-line role-playing experience" would be better.
- I think the paragraph starting "Salvatore created Drizzt on a whim" includes unnecessary detail and would be better if more direct. I'd suggest revising the middle of the paragraph along these lines: "...and one day Kirchoff called him to say that they could not use one of characters. Pressed by Kirchoff to act quickly, Salvatore said he had created a Dark Elf. Kirchoff was skeptical, but Salvatore convinced her that using Drizzt Do'Urden would solve the problem."
Publication history
- The image needs to be moved down so that it does not overlap or bump against the heading.
- "Drizzt's story starts in the novel Homeland, the start of The Dark Elf Trilogy... " Repetition of "start". Suggestion: "... the first book of The Dark Elf Trilogy... ".
- "The 1996 short story The Fires of Narbondel,... " - The story title should be set off in quotation marks rather than italicized.
- "describes unrelated events where Zaknafein is the main character" - Suggestion: "describes unrelated events involving Zaknafein as the main character".
- "artifact Crenshinibon (the eponymous Crystal Shard) - How is this eponymous? If you keep the word, I'd suggest linking to eponym.
- "Wulfgar, never truly dead, returns to life from the Abyss as the demon who had held his soul is destroyed." - "was" rather than "is"
Reception
- Wall Street Journal and other newspaper and magazine names should appear in italics.
- "cliched" - Clichéd. You can always use copy-and-paste to transfer odd characters like é from elsewhere on the Internet.
Other media
- "each book in a 3-issue mini-series" - three-issue
- "IGN writer" - Spell out on first use: "writer for Imagine Games Network (IGN)".
If you find these comments useful, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 03:59, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
- Thank you. I'll make the fixes tomorrow, and probably review another article as well. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) (contribs) 04:08, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
- I got a lot of the simpler ones for you. :) BOZ (talk) 13:43, 29 January 2009 (UTC)