Wikipedia:Peer review/Billy Pierce/archive1

Billy Pierce

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to know if any additional work is needed to bring it to FA status. A better picture is needed (and I have an idea for a graph if anyone has the capability of creating one), but I think I'm just about finished on the text.

Thanks, MisfitToys (talk) 00:15, 13 March 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from The Rambling Man (talk · contribs)

Hey MisfitToys, really nice article. Some comments, plus I'm happy to volunteer to make a graph if I possibly can!

When using abbreviations, just make sure they've been explained beforehand so after Major League Baseball put (MLB) and before you refer to AL or NL, make sure you've mentioned American League (AL) or National League (NL), this way the article becomes more accessible to non-baseball experts.
Can't see a really good reason why not to put the [3] next to the [4] in the lead.
Are you sure "runnerup" is a single word?
"who he faced more often than any other team[5][6] – when the Yankees dynasty was at its peak;" I'd reword "who he faced more often than any other team when the Yankees franchise was at its peak;[5][6]"
"27-41" separate with en-dash. There are other instances, numerical separation by en-dash not hyphen. Applies to year ranges as well (e.g. in the infobox) and page ranges in citations.
"5th " etc - fifth etc. for below 10.
link first baseman for non-experts benefit.
"a remarkably unassuming presence" a little peacock phrased for me...
For FA, avoid contractions such as "didn't " - "did not" works.
"But those seasons also indicated his future brilliance" - really? citation? again, a little peacock, sounds like it's written by a fan.
Numbers below 10 should be written in words.
There's quite a bit of baseball jargon which either needs explanation or wikilinking for success at FA, so try hard to find suitable material for things like baseman, pinch hitter, reliever, shortstop, walking etc.
"clearly the ace of the pitching staff. " fancruft again.
"ERA " what's this?
Inside the numbers section could be rephrased more encyclopaedically, say, Stastical analysis?

That's a starter for you. Let me know if you want me to help further, especially with any graph you may wish to have made up. All the best. The Rambling Man (talk) 15:15, 20 March 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I've fixed a few of the things you suggested; runner-up appears to be a valid word: [1]. MisfitToys (talk) 23:17, 20 March 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Sure it does, but with a hyphen, right? The Rambling Man (talk) 23:58, 20 March 2008 (UTC)[reply]